Derek Hough On The Dark Side Of Success, Elite Discipline, Loneliness At The Top, & His Wife's Health Battle

0:01Derek Hough:Welcome to the Bosticks, starring Lauren Bostick and Michael Bostick. Together, they are the Bosticks.

0:14We were just talking off air about how when you were 12, you, I'm not going to say you got sent away, I'll let you say it. You went to England. Yes. Was that a choice you made? It was very much my choice, yeah. In fact, I actually was like, begged my parents to go. because I went to England for this big Latin ballroom competition called Blackpool. And I got kicked out the first round. I was like, oh, I am nowhere near the level of these dancers. You know, I'm like just a different, you know, it's a different level. And so I knew in order to get to where I wanted to go, even at 12 years old, I kind of had clear goals.

0:54I knew I needed to be there. I need to be around that, you know, environment and those coaches. And so when the opportunity came up, I was like, please let me go. Yeah, I want to go. How did you have the foresight at 12 years old to be that smart to know you needed to get around people who were better than you to get better? It was it was it was a combination of things. I think during my parents divorce. So the home was the whole foundation was completely uprooted. both my parents lived in different apartment buildings opposite each other at the time and yeah I was at work all the time, my mom was kind of gone so I would get beaten up at school and I got kicked out of schools and then dance was sort of my refuge and I just fell in love with it, the community, the people and I got to travel, I got to go to LA I got to go to New York.

1:57Then the coaches, Shirley Ballas and Corky Ballas, Mark Ballas' parents came and taught. They were just like, hey, man, you're really talented. Why don't you come with us for a few months and we'll train you? I was like, yes, you guys are the best. I was only supposed to go for a few months, but I ended up staying for almost 10 years because I just competed and became a champion and in this division and in this division. And then, yeah, I just had clear goals. I had a clear direction of what I wanted to do. But it's funny because then I look back, I look now at my nieces and nephews. I'm like, you're how old I was?

2:31It's wild. What? That's crazy. Like, I can't, it's hard to fathom in that way. At that time, though, I felt like an adult. I was like, oh, yeah, I'm going over to England. Do you think with the split of your parents, it kind of like in a way forced you to grow up a little faster? Yeah, I think so. I mean, yes, I guess, define growing up, I suppose. Well, I guess the way I'm thinking about it is I know a lot of, I have friends that have 12-year-olds, and I can't imagine knowing the maturity levels that they would, some of these kids are still having their parents cut the corners of their sandwiches, which is another issue.

3:05But no, I mean, that's a very mature 12-year-old to say, I'm ready to leave the home and go to another country and live there. Like that's just, I don't know many 12 year olds that would do that. Yeah. I think I was, I think I got the competition bug at a young age. I was, I got the, I enjoyed competition. I would go to those competitions and I was, I was, you know, doing okay. But then when I would do well at a competition, I was like, Ooh, I want to, I want to keep that thing going. And, and so I think I just got sort of locked into what that feels like. And knowing that in order to get better, I need to be around better people.

3:38Like you said, it's like, you know, you become who you hang around with, right? You become the people you're with. And so I need to be with people who are at the absolute top of their game. And Shirley Ballas, she was great. She even told me, she was like, you have potential to be a champion one day. And I believed her. I was like, okay, let me follow you. You show me the way, essentially. And they did. So it was pretty cool. Why were you being bullied? And why did you get kicked out of school before that? So I would be getting bullied. I was kind of like a young little, you know, scrawny little kid.

4:13And it's funny, as I've gotten older, I've realized that I'm pretty awkward, actually. I'm actually kind of an awkward person. I've done okay for myself. By the way, a lot of people in entertainment, right? Like I feel like some of us can be a little awkward. But I really, and even like my dad now, like I looked at my dad, like he is the most amazing man and he's just like, can hold a room and he's, you know, he's, you know, he was the president of this company. but now as he's gotten older I'm like oh man you're kind of goofy you're kind of awkward and that's I think that's where I get that from the reason why I say that is because as a young kid I really found it hard to connect with you know kids at school and to hang out and like I didn't have like the little clicks and so I was always on the outside just trying to like fit in and get in there but um it was being a dancer didn't help I think I would get the you know the crappy beating out of me at one school, a kid punched me in the face, bleeding everywhere.

5:06But then I retaliated and started beating him up. And then I got expelled from school. One time this girl took a, I don't know, she kind of liked me, I guess, when we were kids. We're talking like 10 years old, 11 years old. And a few of the guys didn't like that. So they found me in a corner and they beat me up. And so, yeah, it was interesting. And then even my neighborhood where i lived in my neighborhood we had these neighbors who were um bullying is kind of a too nice of a word they like tormented me where they were like hanging up in a tree by my ankles and put a gun to my head and spit on me or hog tie me in a field and and it was i was scared i would have night terrors and very traumatic man it was and i would like wet the bed and you know i was a scared kid i was a terrified kid scared of the dark scared of my shadow like just scared and constantly on edge and um so it was interesting and I couldn't sleep over at people's homes I was I had to be home if I try I would try like let me let me sleep over at my friend's house and I'll go over there and I'll call my mom like come pick me up you know and just scared so it's kind of ironic the fact that at 12 years old I moved across you know across the world and trained and you know competed and did stuff but it was interesting once i was there i felt i was like on track you know and i felt safe i actually felt safe being away and i felt like i had a goal i had a vision i knew what i was doing i had you know each day i was like this is this is the plan you know there was not sort of like this sense of floating around um and being scared it was like i had clarity and that clarity is power.

6:52So I also think, and I don't, that dancing gets out so much energy that's sometimes suppressed. Sure. And this is my own opinion. It just gets out energy. And like, if you are, if I was feeling scared or fearful or upset, a way to get it out is to move your body. So it makes sense to me that you were attracted to dance. Well, and before I danced, I played drums. I was a drummer. I was played in a Beach Boys tribute band, you know, on the Utah County fairs and stuff. And, and, or get up and sing Hound Dog, you know, sing Elvis. And, and so when I walked into dance, I had this teacher named Rick Robinson, and he was from Chicago.

7:34And he was like, yo, Heavy D, you know, why don't you like, come do this hip hop? And I was like, all right. And then he also did Barman Latin. So that's how I got into that style as well. but the music the rhythm you know being a drummer understanding you know musicality I took to dance even quicker I think because I understood it you know the musicality part of it and then once you have this thing with your body you have this control it's like it's like there's something about that right where I often say this there's it's primal right dancing is primal before you can walk or crawl we all have babies you put them on the ground before you put music on they're kind of like you know they're moving around it's in us but somewhere along the way we sort of decide not to dance anymore um so having that freedom listening to the music syncing your body up to the rhythm and the beat it just does something and then you get yourself in the community and then in competition and then it was like a perfect storm you know and i love music as well so who originally pushed you into dancing is both you and your sister for entertainment visit someone in your family did your mother father like how did you guys even get involved in this space my mom made me go yeah okay she made me go she she dragged she dragged my ass to dance i did not want to go it was um i was in the parking lot my sisters were going to dance class and she's like you might as well go inside and and i was like no no no it's for girls and i'm you know and i walked in there and i was like oh yeah there's there's a lot of girls in here actually and you know being a young boy i was i was i was like oh this is actually smart this isn't so bad you know because i i loved i remember being getting in trouble at school because i would like um i would like want to i always kiss the girls or something like that you know like you can't do that derek if you want if you want to i remember this is fox she told me she said what she said to me she goes derek you can't you can't you can't do that like well we're just you know we're just kissing and and he's no no if you want to impress a girl this is what she told me you have to give her a trophy and i'll never forget that i was like what okay so maybe subconsciously i've been trying to compete and try to win trophies because i was always trying to impress and you know it's kind of funny it is true we do like jewelry yeah but you know maybe she meant that maybe i said jewelry and i said i heard trophy yeah but it's always so we have you know so many different people and high performers and different walks of life that come on the show and i'm always interested in the childhood because i the more i've talked to people with lauren over the years is you realize like so many of those early years inform the behaviors later on the drive the need for competition yeah the strike and it's really like now that i have our own our own children i think about that a lot because like okay there's this window of time probably sub 10 years old where you're really like molding who the person's going to be for the rest of their life and of course you change and you evolve as you as you grow yeah but a lot of it is like that early development and when i saw like we keyed into we're doing this brief and thinking about you like 12 years old like what's the motivation what are the parents saying how do they and you just answered a lot of it's really interesting well it's interesting too like you're talking about like the formidable years later in life you know i had this moment where i was in my apartment here in los angeles and i think i had just won Dancing with Stars for the third time.

10:55I think I had won an Emmy by then. And I was looking up and I'd won the world championships. I've won all these awards, trophies. And I was kind of looking up at them and I was really in a dark place in my life. I was really, really depressed and down. And I was just like, I'm confused. I'm supposed to be like, I'm at the top of my, I'm in the number one show in America. We're getting amazing ratings and all this stuff. And I've won the show and more than anybody else. And why am I so depressed? Why am I so down? and because my sort of belief in myself growing up and being judged and criticized and picked apart, I always was like wanting to impress and wanting to be better.

11:31And my sort of philosophy, my belief that I created within myself was in order to be loved, I had to be successful. In order to be worthy of love, I had to succeed. I had to achieve something. And only then would I be worthy of love and worthy to be accepted. and maybe it was instilled with Mrs. Fox telling me that I got to give trophies you know or something like that but that is interesting I had to reprogram myself essentially being like maybe I am enough without achieving anything and succeeding and you know having to prove anything I can just be myself and be me and that was a scary you know thing to think about actually Do you like Tony Robbins?

12:14I love Tony. Yeah, so he's like, talks about what you're saying all the time. Like, I feel like he's talking about people like you when he says you have the science of achievement without the art of fulfillment. Correct. Is that something that you found yourself through being quiet or did you have to go to therapy or do psychedelics or do something crazy to figure all that out? Well, it's funny they mentioned Tony Robbins because I actually went to Tony Robbins when I was 15 years old in Cardiff, Wales. I went to a seminar and three-day seminar we'd walked on the hot coals did the whole thing cool moss cool moss cool moss and but the thing that stuck with me in that at that time at 15 years old was state right staying in the language focus physiology that stuck with me and for me i actually attribute a lot of that particular tool to winning the world championships winning competitions winning you know because i was able to sort of like you know make your move and channel that state to to compete or to do a show or to coach somebody you know on Dancing with the Stars so it's funny you bring him up because he's a dear friend of mine and I love him to death he's great so when you when you were figuring this out was it in a moment was the epiphany the moment looking at the trophies or did you have to go through and figure it out yourself through other modalities how long did the dark period last for you well let's be honest the dark period isn't just like one moment right there's moments where it comes up it creeps back in it's more about like shortening the gap right yeah how long that you allow that thought or that feeling to to stay there and linger um but no it for me was active i would go to seminars i would go to you know go to events or go to places and learn and absorb and actually being a teacher on dancing with the stars helped me a lot because now i'm not focusing on myself i'm here to serve i'm here to like how can i how can i bring the best out in you?

14:06How can I like, oh, you're nervous. Okay. How do I work on that? How do I help you with that? And I would look up like, how do you deal with nerves? You know what I mean? Because I wanted to help serve my partners. And by doing that, it helped me a lot as well because I was learning a lot. But then more so I liked, I started liking the person I was becoming because, you know, being a competitor, you got to think about yourself. It's very selfish. It's about me. I gotta be the best I want to win I want to beat you you know and that's fine but it's not really sustainable once it started getting to a place of like hey how do I I want to help you I want to serve you then it it just changed it changed so much so as far as listen that still creeps in my mind all the time that feeling like I gotta succeed I gotta achieve something it's still there it's very much there but um it's like certain techniques and certain things that i have to get myself in state to where i gotta you know uh remind myself you know and remind all of us that like we're fine like everything's fine we're we're good just as we are you know and i think the entertainment industry as an industry in general puts a different kind of pressure uh on people that you know are trying to achieve in this space because you you build your own thing doing your own thing but you're also in a way at the mercy of public opinion sure right and that can be fickle at times it can sway and there's always somebody newer younger coming up the ladder and i think it's it's a it's a hard thing for i think a lot of people in entertainment to manage because the public opinion also has impact on the success of your business sure yeah and so you have to maintain and sustain that over long periods of time and it's you know as you as we all know like there's a lot of people that come and go very quickly in this space.

16:00You've been doing it a long time. Your story is much less common than most people, even if they have a breakout. A lot of careers are very short-lived. I'm so thankful. Honestly, I'm so thankful when I think about just even the career being here in England. Sorry, in America. Because before I came to America, after living in England, I was doing the West End and doing theater and competition. and I felt very successful in that, you know, previous life, if you will. And then, of course, being on this massive show that, you know, catapulted dance and this very niche dance form, which is, you know, Barman Latin, into this sort of very commercial space and being a part of that from the beginning and seeing this grow each and every year and now into this new era where it's like literally never been more popular ever is amazing.

16:52but for me I'm definitely in that era of you know I'm having a tour coming up and I just had auditions the other day and I I literally cried I got so emotional because these dancers are so good they are so good they're so talented they're so athletic they can just do things I would you they're superhuman but what I told them I would you know I said I cannot wait to share the stage with you. I cannot wait to give you an opportunity to go on tour and give you your first job. You know, because some of them, this is their first job, you know, when the kids I've hired and even tours that I've gone out in the past.

17:28Now I've seen them, they're on their own world tours with like Bad Bunny now and Lady Gaga and all these. I'm like, wait, I remember what I just got you out of college. You know what I mean? This is so cool. And it's been really cool just to mentor these young kids and to see them grow. And they all have these amazing careers, you know, blossoming so it's cool i'm sort of in that era right now you know you seem really in the pocket when you're performing obviously if someone's listening and they want to be on stage in any capacity whether it's a podcast or putting themselves on social media or dancing what advice would you give them if they were nervous oh nervous um well i go back to some of the tony stuff because you know we all know like being nervous and excited i think joe dispense talks about that right about like being nervous and excited is identically the same chemically in your body and i actually learned that i i learned that when i was dancing with kelly pickler uh one of the seasons of dancing the stars and she just had paralyzing nerves and she'd be like there i'm just so nervous and um and i would walk through her walk with her you know through this this process of like don't say the word nervous just say that you're excited she's like take it take out the word nervous and she's like well but I am like no no no just say that you're excited I don't care if you don't feel that way but just say it and she's like okay well I'm excited and I'm like well what are you excited about and I would just ask her questions well I'm excited about this dress this looks beautiful what else are you excited about and well I'm excited because I've been working really hard on this dance what else you excited about and what happened was by changing the language it changed her focus and what we focus on is what we feel and it changed the experience because the words we use to describe our experience become our experience so if you say you're nervous and if i say i'm nervous then you're just feeding into the focus of like things are going to go wrong i'm going to say the wrong thing i'm going to mess up i'm going to be i'm going to fail people are going to laugh at me but if you just say i'm excited then it's like you're start different answers start to pour in and you start to focus on the right things um so yeah that's that's what i would say i would say honestly like change the words that you're using also the way you hold your body you know the physiology part of it being a dancer you know i have this convention called ovation and there are thousands and thousands of young dancers that you know they come in this convention and we're dancing and they compete and that's what i talk about them with is you know is there's all these different types of tools you know that i've learned along the way that have helped me and and uh but yeah man by the way i still get those butterflies You do?

19:58Oh, yeah. Even after all this time. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. That's cool. I like that. I think that's cool. Somebody's described that if you get the butterflies, it's just like, it's because you care. Do you get the butterflies when you walk in a room and see me? Yeah, 100%. Every time. Every time. Every time. You better get those butterflies until you're rigamortis buried in the ground. Who was your favorite Dancing with the Stars person? Be honest. My favorite? Yeah. I think one of them was Bindi Irwin. Oh. She was really special. Yeah. She was really, really special. I like that answer. 10 years ago, which is hilarious.

20:32Not hilarious, but so special that Robert, 10 years later, has won it. So they both have it. That's what they call him, the Irwins. You know what I mean? I didn't. But she was really special because, one, I was such a huge fan of her father. Because he was somebody I looked at and was like, I want to live life like that guy. Even at a young age, I would see him on TV. I was like, I want to live with that much enthusiasm. you know what I'm saying like when you look at like he's like look at this bush oh my gosh I'm like yeah that's why that's how we should live and so I loved him I remember being at King's Cross station in London and going on my way to school on the train station and looking up and seeing the headline that he'd passed away and I remember like crying and weeping it was so unexpected yeah so out of nowhere it was so out of nowhere and so the opportunity to mentor to guide his daughter it makes me emotional was so unbelievably special I really really cherished it and it was really sacred to me honestly and she was amazing she was just like people would ask me like is she really like that like come on like no they're not really like that right I'm like yeah cameras are off they're just like they're just this ball of light you know they really are who was the best dancer the best dancer yeah maybe not the best personality maybe the best dancer i think i think nicole scherzinger was the best dancer pretty yeah she's pretty she's pretty incredible she's a pussycat doll though so i feel like she has to be like do you feel that you can come in with no dance experience and go through that process and when do you think you have to have the background in order to listen kelly pickler she never danced i think i could do it yeah i do I really do Is this it?

22:24Is this your audition right now? I've always thought I could do it Clear the table I've always thought I could do it I actually have in my brain When I watch the show I think I could do it Because I think that I think that If you have an amazing teacher And you already are like Kind of talented in other areas I'm a pretty good singer Don't mean to brag But you gotta move your feet a little bit I've been playing tennis with you lately A little stuck in the ground Yeah Maybe a little fluid I think you could teach me I'm not gonna lie I could let you know in five minutes Really? I could take you to the side and I could just kind of like do this, do that, do this and I could be like, okay So in your opinion, what are the elements that someone needs to have to be a good, like when you're like, okay that person will be able to dance versus not I say that I say that kind of in jest, but there is truth to it a little bit, but there's also been times where I've been completely wrong, where I'm like wow, I thought we were in big trouble but actually, wow Wow, actually we turned a corner and this is amazing.

23:24Who did you think that was? Um, good question. He's like, careful, careful. I think honestly Lil Kim, Lil Kim when I danced with Lil Kim. People forgot about that one. No, she moves, I see her come out on stage. She was fresh out of prison too, by the way. She does like the - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was a little bit like, oh, this is going to be interesting. Okay. By the way, Mark, if you're watching, this one's for you. but she but she got out there and she she was doing it and she was she was great she really impressed me so yeah yeah okay so in five minutes you could tell i can give an idea of like of the learning curve of how it would go but i will say this it's not really about having experience you know on the show it's really about do you want to be there that's what i'm saying i think you want to be there if i was gonna do it i would be like okay i'm doing it and i'm disciplined and it's eat, live, breathe.

24:14Maybe somebody, they get the opportunity, their team's put them there, they're like, this would be really good for your career, jump on, and you're like, oh, I don't want to. You also can't be difficult. You have to be able to go with the flow. Yes. However, I will say, and you've got to give a lot of grace because I don't think anybody, I know this, nobody really knows what they're getting themselves into. It's a lot of work. Nobody does. Even people who are prepped for it, they go, I had no idea it was this much. And then you have people who had no idea, they get on the show and they are like, what yeah well i thought this was like two hour day a day thing how many hours is it i mean it's it's like four to six a day which by the way when we did it was eight because there was no limit there's like a limit on rehearsal time which how many days is this you know yeah um how long does it take before oh what i mean before like it's if it's four to six hour days like how many days is that like seven days seven days a week when you're on that show he means how many how many weeks do you have to practice until you're on stage dancing oh two weeks i believe yeah but here's my thing you can't be doing anything else you train yourself you say listen this is two weeks out of your life oh yeah to me i'm like i'm there eight hours a day and by the way on the time off i'm recovering i'm sonning you have to put you have to be like you have to treat like an athlete it's a full-time it's a full-time people don't think it's a full-time job no a lot of people I might win now I said I could do it I now think I would win but I think I think now the what do you want to call it the the formula has changed a lot this past couple seasons where I think the people that they are looking for are people who are in it to win it and who are going to take advantage of every single moment they don't want to be completely honest they don't want the celebrity even if you've won an Oscar I don't want someone taking it seriously I don't care if you've won an Oscar and you've won a Grammy and stuff like that, if you're not in it, then that's okay, but we're good.

26:11I'd rather have somebody who doesn't have all those accolades, but they want to be there because that's going to create something that you want to watch. The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. The two girls were in it to win it. Yeah, Whitney, man. Look at her. She's on Broadway right now with my brother, Mark Ballas. She had, like, you talk about clarity. She was like, okay, this is my goal. And, you know, it's so funny. They got so much hate I feel like last season. Why? I don't know. I think the show, she was like a villain in the show, I guess. I didn't watch it, so I don't know. I mean, a kind of.

26:46I guess. I don't know. That's interesting. I didn't know she got hate on the show. Oh my gosh. Not on the show, but in the social world. But you just saw, I really loved, I think people gave her flack because she was like, I'm on the show because I want to be on Dancing with the Stars. I want to do Broadway. I want to do this. And she said it out loud and people go, oh gross and I was like what I was like that's awesome I was like through the goal somebody who also talks about their goals openly into existence is I'm like good on you that's brave because you know if you say it out loud and it doesn't happen people are gonna be like you know they're gonna love to say hey it didn't happen and you know point at you and put you down so to put to put it out there like that I was like I commend her I commended her a lot what are the pros and cons of working with a sibling pros and cons working with a sibling um you know what's interesting working with julianne because she also moved to england when she was nine years old she follow you yeah we're in the same place nine years old she danced with mark ballast they were dance partners and and you guys moved together well i moved first for like three months and then i was like hey this is really great i actually love it here this theater school we're going to it's like I'm like thriving I'm like getting better I won this thing Julianne like you know you're you this you can be amazing and then her mark dance together that was probably really helpful for you though to have your sister there with you maybe less lonely um no it wasn't so much that because I wasn't lonely like I was so busy I wasn't I was thriving yeah no no but but I will say this it did but it but it was good it was really good because I still have that protectiveness over her for sure but um uh and what's the age gap three years okay three years and the pros and cons the pros are we've had such sort of parallel careers from competing with each other to be on the same show to like her being a judge me being a judge you know even doing like she did a grease live i did Harrisberry Live.

28:48We've done very parallel things. And it's amazing because at least what I love about it so much is that we're able to relate. You know what I mean? And be like, hey, I know you're going through this. I know what that's like. I know what that feels like. It's okay. Things can be okay. You know what I mean? There's a lot of understanding there. Funnily enough, her and I, we only really got into arguments on stage when we did tours together, we would do some things and like I would get, we had an argument on stage one time and I thought it was hilarious. And I remember asking the audience, like, do you think I'm like this?

29:24And they thought it was like a bit, but it was very real. It was like we were like actually having a fight on stage. We do that like pretty much every other show. Yeah. They're like, oh, this is sweet. You're like, that was real. I relate to what you're saying though because it's nice to do this with my husband because I can go home at the end of the day and be like, oh, that person was, woo, not you. Not you. you're great or that person was i need to go scrub all the energy off me or i can go home and be like fuck we crushed that episode yeah so i totally in a different font get what you're saying yeah yeah no it's it's interesting too what i find funny is when people go like like because her and i we've had such a great career together you know we're so fortunate and we get along we get along which is like you know people like that's so weird how do you get along with your brother and your sister that's such a weird thing i'm like it's it's funny to me that that's that's weird you know what i mean um and i i it makes me sad actually that you know having a good relationship with your family member is is like an odd thing you know um but i'm super proud of her man what she's accomplished in her life and what she's done it's extraordinary i mean what's in the water that your parents gave you guys i don't know some the mormon water you know i mean i mean jeez just kidding no we were just again I think we were fortunate I think moving to England honing in like a craft and also work ethic because surely Mark's mom her work ethic is like unparalleled um and she drilled like this work ethic in us that was you know I just I'm so thankful for um yeah and again it's hard work but it's also a lot of grace it's a lot of grace a lot of luck a lot of opportunity and whenever opportunities would come up we just would run with it um and uh yeah so yeah a lot of hard work but a lot of luck as well you've spoken a lot about or not a lot but you've spoken about loneliness and success in competition how do you think about that now because i imagine it can be very isolating doing what you do and competing the way that you compete and then having the world judge you you know it's interesting i think it's different now obviously because I'm you know married and and I have a baby now you're busy I'm man yeah I'm just I'm flying right now but um you know I think when I talk about the loneliness part of it I think it's it's interesting for me because

31:55i don't know i i funnily enough i felt the most lonely when i lived in la when i was in england i didn't feel lonely i felt like i was like you know on a mission but when i was in la in my own apartment and you know seemingly everything's amazing and fantastic and at the prime and you know um it was incredibly lonely i think i think part of that was just it wasn't so much lonely with people I think I was just wasn't liking who I was becoming you know essentially I think and so I didn't want you know to be around other people um and I was isolating it was very isolating uh but yeah I don't know loneliness though it's it's a it's a rough one too I also think LA can be a lonely city sometimes I think people don't talk about that enough it can it can feel lonely and sometimes when you go out here and this was my experience when I lived here, it can feel transactional.

32:52And that is, it can feel hollow and vapid. And I'm not saying always, because, you know, we're here a lot, but we live in Austin now. And there is a difference. And I can also see how when you're on the journey, when you're in England and you're dancing and you're progressing and you're, you know, moving up the mountain and then you get to the top of the sort of mountain that you thought you wanted to get up the loneliness mixed with the la energy like i could see why that happened well it's a very strange city if you think about it it's one of the only places in the world where people come to try to become famous or known yeah and i think that creates a strange like you don't move to new york maybe you do actually that's a bad example you don't move to miami or texas or london to do that you like this is a place where you come to break into entertainment yeah and i think that creates a strange dynamic in the city There was a lot of acquaintances, essentially.

33:48There wasn't a lot of friends. It was a lot of acquaintances. But with that said, Mark Ballas, he's my best friend. He's my brother, basically. Do you know Mark Ballas is married to someone that we went to high school with? Who? BC? Yeah. Really? Oh, really? Brittany? Yeah. Brittany? We went to high school at Torrey Pines with Brittany. No way. She was in our grade. That's crazy. Hi, Brittany. Did you know that? I do not. I know it now. That's crazy. By the way, she's crazy. Her voice is bananas. It's always been like that. Oh my gosh. Since she was a little girl. I remember her singing at one of my friends' house and it was always like...

34:24Songwriter too, right? Amazing. And she almost like, she has that like Britney Spears younger. Like when she was younger, she had that like sparkle. I'm sure she still has it now. Oh no, she's just like... Yeah, she's a performer. She's like, she's so, she's like rock, she's like Janis Joplin, like rock and roll. Just like, yeah man, yeah. and just can sing like insane yeah they're incredible yeah that's amazing wow yeah yeah she was in weston's grade her best friend she's in our class i mean weston's class um where did you meet your wife i met my wife um on tour actually so it was julianne and i's first tour that we did together and she was one of our dancers and i remember just seeing her and Funny story actually was an audition.

35:10I guess I couldn't take my eyes off of her because she actually went back and said, hey, mom, I think I got it because Derek kept, he just kept staring at me. I don't recall that. You just should say yes. Yes. You should be like, I was staring. No, listen, it was evident that I found her very attractive, obviously. But it wasn't for like a couple of years after that, though, that we ended up dating. but it's interesting our relationship was kind of unique because to be honest with you it wasn't like love at first sight wasn't like oh this is like this is it in fact it was actually the opposite we both were like oh this is definitely not we're definitely not right for each other like but you know let's hang out like let's have you know let's have some fun and just date a little bit but this is definitely not the right relationship um and we both kind of mutually felt that way but then we just kept, I don't know, evolving and things kept happening in our lives and then we kept getting closer and closer but we've gone through a lot of different challenges a lot of different challenges and I think that's why I think her and I's relationship is, I really find it really special because we went through a lot before we got married we were together for eight years and yeah it was yeah it's nice to do it that way to get to know someone to date someone to take it I feel there's like there's something special about becoming friends best friends first that's what we did we weren't even best friends though like we were like no it was crazy we were like it was so funny we did not get along like not that we didn't get along we just were like yeah this isn't right but it was it was interesting how our relationship would be like we would like blow up you know like a couple a couple times it was like and break up there was one time that it was like done over dead finished and we meant it and it was it was completely over and when we got back together when we kind of came came together i should say we still thought that we're like oh that relationship is done like that relationship you know it's like we almost had like several versions of our relationship that we look back on like oh my gosh i can't believe that that was us you know and or that version was us or that version we and each one of those versions essentially died you know and was over and that was actually quite cathartic who was it was um who's that who's the therapist who's a phenomenal relationship therapist esther perel esther perel i love her and one of the things she says I think in one of her TED talks is like you know we're going to have multiple relationships in this lifetime the question is is it going to be with multiple people or is it going to be with the same person and I love that so much because it made me realize like oh I can have multiple versions of our relationship with the same person and that's how our relationship has been we've been we've had 12 different relationships within our relationship and it's been amazing It's been really great to grow as we go.

38:21It's been amazing. What made you guys decide to get married? You know, it just was that time. I think we were at a concert, actually an Andy Grammer concert. And he said something during COVID, I think. And it was like we were in cars. And he said something about having a ring. I don't know, he was talking about something like that. And I looked over to him and I went, you want to look at a ring? And that was it, basically. And I was like, yeah. Do you want to look at a ring? yes every girl's gonna say let's go look at rings yes but it honestly as well it goes back to the idea of just being committed and committing to something and to someone and putting two feet in you know not having this sort of think of thing of like well let me just do one foot in one foot out because you know my parents got divorced i've you know been around honestly three different types of divorces like within intimately so in my experience i was like ah i don't want to like you know, do the whole marriage thing.

39:18And then you're like, no, I think that's exactly what I want. I think that's exactly what I need and what we need. And it's been great. It's the best thing ever. What does your body actually need right now? More energy, better sleep, less stress? We'll enter Troscriptions. It's founded by two physicians with 50 years plus of clinical experience. Most wellness products today are built for mass appeal, big ingredient list, fixed dosing, and a lot of guesswork. Troscriptions was built from a completely different starting point. It was created not in a boardroom, but through years of working directly with thousands of patients.

39:57Across thousands of real world cases, they kept running into the same frustrating pattern. Patients were doing all the right things, taking the supplements, following the protocols, trying to optimize, but the tools that they had access to lacked precision. They lacked consistency and predictability. From a clinical perspective, it created a major gap. Medicine offers clear dosing, measurable effects, and reliable outcomes. And most supplements offer broad formulas, fixed dosing, and a lot of trial and error. So with that, what they're trying to do is help you feel better and function better and get results that you can trust.

40:33Troscriptions products are crafted for brain health and daily performance. And they're products that are precisely dosed and designed to enhance health and performance. Everything addresses focus, resilience, and energy. There's a completely new way to optimize health. Give it a try at troscriptions.com slash skinny or enter skinny at checkout for 10 % off your first order. That's T-R-O-S-C-R-I-P-T-I-O-N-S dot com slash skinny. you get 10 % off your first order. No one does resale like The RealReal. I just got the most major road jacket. It is flannel. It is long. You guys saw it on my Instagram story.

41:11It has a collar. It is so chic. I looked for it everywhere. And of course, I ended up finding it on The RealReal. I shop and sell at The RealReal, but I get so many gorgeous, luxurious pieces on their site. I know everything's authenticated. It really is the smarter way to do luxury. What I do is because they drop things daily is I'll go on like every Monday and I'll search all my favorite brands. They have Fendi, Prada, The Row, Gucci, Cartier, and so many more up to 90 % off retail. Honestly, you guys, if you're looking for something for a wedding or summer or just like a vacation, you want to feel fresh, go shop their luxury pieces.

41:49You can refresh your closet by selling the pieces that you no longer want to wear. And then you can use the value towards something that you'll love even more. That's what I do. So I sell a bunch of my clothes on there and then I'll use the money to upgrade my closet. Sell to shop, shop to sell. It just makes sense. It's your go-to place for all things special occasions. I'm telling you, you will find the most magical pieces. There's over 42 million fashion lovers on The RealReal. So your items will sell fast, which is amazing. The RealReal is the most trusted name and authenticated luxury resale.

42:22With over 10 ,000 new arrivals daily, no one does resale like The RealReal. Get$25 off your first purchase when you go to therealreal.com slash skinny. Plus, you can get an extra$100 to shop when you sell for the first time. That's therealreal.com slash skinny. Therealreal.com slash skinny. Batch is a Wisconsin-based hemp wellness brand founded by chemical engineers. So interesting. People who actually understand formulation, not just marketing. So they built this brand on one principle. full lab transparency clean ingredients and nothing you can't verify so they have these micro mints I tried them the other day they're sublingual they're cbd and thc it's like a mint and it's designed for daily calm and mood support I when I wind down it like like to be super calm I like to read my kindle I like the red light and these are really fun and not a buzz but just like a feeling of more like yourself they dissolve into your tongue for fast absorption and they're kind of like a daily ritual.

43:21It could replace the end of night glass of wine that you're drinking, and it doesn't have next day morning fog, I can tell you because I tried it. They also have CBD nighttime gummies. So this is more for like a restorative sleep. And this is the kind that has clean ingredients. There's no dependency. They're designed for women whose sleep has quietly become a casualty of everything else she's managing. And then they have recreational THC gummies. So if you want to dip your toe into that, each gummy is microdosed with THC with a full spectrum of CBD for a smooth, balanced effect. No hangover, no guesswork, just a nice, chill evening.