How To Regulate Your Nervous System, Break Toxic Relationship Patterns, & Heal Your Body Ft. Alyssa Lynch

0:01Welcome to the Bosticks, starring Lauryn Bosstick and Michael Bosstick. Together, they are the Bosticks.

0:14Okay, Alyssa Lynch is here. We kicked Michael off the episode because we wanted to have some girl talk, and I think that this episode just didn't need his interjections. I'm being honest. I love his interjections, but I'm so happy to be here. all over the place. We're going to talk about healing old trauma, energy healers, periods, beauty, health, wellness, skin. And I just don't, let's just do a feminine energy. Next time you come on, we'll do both. Okay. Welcome to the show. Thank you. So give us a little bit of background on the journey that you have been on the last couple of years, because it's been intense.

0:51It has. Yeah. Well, going back to when I moved to L.A., I think it kind of started. I was 19 and I moved here and I was really excited. I was in a relationship. And that's kind of when I got started with social media because he was in the business. and I kind of judged it at first and then I was like this actually is just a way to like be creative I mean this was in 2016 right so it's a way to just be creative and have the freedom to do kind of whatever you wanted and we it was a really it was a really traumatizing breakup Um, I, I know I was only 20 or 21 when the breakup happened, but, um, I was so in love and in fantasy land and I thought we were buying a house together and having kids together and all these things.

1:47He started to get really spiritual. And, um, that's when I, I had, I've always had a, like a spirituality thing inside of me that I, you know, I've always wanted to explore as well. And so I think I took that as like permission. And I was 21. I was like, I'm booking myself this yoga retreat. I met so many lovely girls. And thank goodness for that. Because when I got home, I had only been gone for six days. But he had done some type of spiritual drug, which I know is a beautiful experience for some people. But I think with maybe some of the some of his chemical imbalances that it set something off.

2:27I mean, he was in a psychosis and it was traumatizing. He wouldn't snap out of it. It's a psychosis is traumatizing, but it's so traumatizing for another person to experience as well. Like, like this is this is not the same, but similar. My brother, my brother has diabetes and he had a seizure in front of me. And that's I feel like that's kind of like a psychosis. And totally. And of course, it's traumatic for the person having the seizure. But I just remember and I'm sure you felt the same being so affected by my goodness, by seeing that as someone you love. It was also hard because it wasn't, there was so much like ego that I was being told that I was crazy.

3:16And it was so interesting that, you know, he really questioned his sexuality and thought that he was in love with a man and also would do things like meditate at the wheel and get in car accidents from it. No, it was like my mother was like, sweetheart, come home to Canada, please. And then now everyone like now I can laugh about it. And people are like, you need to write like a cliche Los Angeles book, you know, because that stuff only like happens in stories and movies. But it was reality. And I was just such a I just I didn't have any friends here. I didn't have a life here. I did, which was my mistake.

4:02and I learned from that, but I really revolved. I was inserted into his life and I didn't create my own life. And so then having to try and get out of that was really tough. I had health issues come up and my period stopped and I lost a lot of weight and I had such crazy insomnia. I didn't sleep for two and a half years. This is wild. Yeah. So it, so it sounds like that this, this relationship like affected your entire identity. Yeah. I think it really, really, um, affected my nervous system. You know, I think my nervous system went into complete like shut down mode. And so I have been working, um, since then to, to heal my nervous system.

4:55And, uh, I've never shared that story before um so a lot of you know people and I am a sensitive person and I I know like I think you can relate I've heard you talk about even like when you walk into a room if it's really fragrant you're like you know oh it's the worst I'm like I gotta stay at hotels that have no fragrance yeah um so even on that like physical level I've always been like that but I do think this certain circumstance really set something off and the hypersensitivity after that was just like really intense. I think that when you're at capacity with your nervous system already and so many of us are because of all these overhead lights and the fragrances and all the different things that are in the world of the food and then something like that happens it's like your thermometer like just cracks.

5:48Yeah. And I, from what I'm seeing in front of me and what I've seen on your social media is it seems like after this horrible relationship, you went through a lot, but it seems like you also have had this really healing journey of, and I could be wrong. This is my feeling of learning to love yourself. For sure. So when I would think when you enter into your next relationship and you'll have to take us on, on with that story, but like, it seems like you entered in your first one, depending on him. And then the second one or the next one, maybe you entered loving yourself. Absolutely. I think my biggest lesson in this life or in this era, like 20s, my 20s era, is my biggest lessons are through relationships.

6:37Like I have been in relationships. Like I've been in five serious relationships and they've been years long. And I in between I'm very single in the sense of like I'm not dating I'm spending all of that time on myself but I've learned so much and it's funny how you can you can get into a relationship after a traumatizing one and it's just filling the voids that weren't present in the last one but it doesn't mean it's right but you're so obsessed with the fact that you're like oh my gosh I've never gotten physical touch and now I'm getting it with this person you know but it doesn't mean that it's right.

7:14So I've just like learned so much about myself throughout my relationships. What has it been like for you to have a platform and to have all these people who are wanting to know what happened and you're just not maybe ready to share every last detail right when you're in it? Yeah, it's I think I'm I'm an extremely empathetic person. and so even when someone has hurt me and done things that are just like so not okay I'm so protective over them still and I just have this sense of like I can't it's not just my business it's theirs too and I just can't share that so I think that's been but I'm also So it's hard because it's like it's like I'm fighting myself because I'm also a very open person.

8:07And I think the most healing thing is talking and being able to be super vulnerable. And then, you know, when someone can relate or when someone feels seen, like that's the best feeling to me. When when you were going through this on social and you started to have like this nervous system breakdown, how much did you end up sharing and how much did you save for yourself? And is there anything that you want your people who follow you to know that you were like maybe something that they didn't know was going on behind the scenes that now you want to share? Yeah, I mean, I think I really well, that's why I really leaned into wellness after that breakup, because I was like felt like I was dying.

8:49So I needed all of these wellness habits. It was very obvious. I was 90 pounds. I definitely I don't even I think the word eating disorder is like it's never something I was diagnosed with because I never saw a professional. And I just think it's so complex. I I look back and I'm like, I don't even know if that's an eating disorder, because I think I was just so over. over my nervous system was so out of whack that I didn't want to I was afraid to put certain things into my body because I didn't want to feel worse I also when I get really really sad about something I think some people they gain weight and some people lose weight I get sick to like even the thought of food when I'm really upset about something um and so you're right that is a complex word.

9:46It is. It's almost like the relationship ending activated that. So I don't know. I mean, I don't know enough about eating disorders, but I just know that sometimes you get so sad and you get so depleted that you just don't want to look at food. Exactly. And I think a lot of the time people can just think it's, oh, you're just obsessed with your weight and being thin. And it's like that actually, I didn't even have the capacity to really think about that then. it's a lot more complex so complex from what I've when I've interviewed people who have experienced that it's not so simple as being vapid about the way you look totally that's an important message I think yeah and I think just because social media shows up in images that's what you know people think there's a lot more sometimes going on behind the scenes that people don't see.

10:37And I think like people like for stories, take stories, you see three to five minutes of someone's day. Like you don't see my daughter having a tantrum or like there's so many inter-syncrasies and things that happen throughout the day that you just don't see. It's so true. And I think that it's important to give people grace. A thousand percent. And I feel like it's starting hopefully to go in more of that direction because we were in a direction a couple of years ago that gave truly nobody grace, just full assumptions. So I really, yeah, I really hope so. So that was definitely one. And then I think like the next relationship I got into, and I did share a lot about that.

11:23I mean, I moved in with that person the day COVID hit. Oh, the next relationship you had to quarantine right away with this person. Right away with someone who is clinically extremely anxious, hypochondriac. And I am someone, like I said, like I'm so empathetic that it has really hurt me because I, when I see someone sad, I just like go into fixed help mode. And I mean, I, because I grew, my mom had me in high school. My dad was in high school. Like, I just felt like from a really young age, just trying to make sure like I'm not in anyone's way and everything's like really solid and good. And, you know, when your parents are teenagers, like they have emotions.

12:18And so you you can almost come up with ways as a really young child to try and find ways to calm people and to make them happy. And it's like it's your number one focus. And so that happened again during quarantine. And I talked to so many people who are like, you know, this is bad to say, but like quarantine was the best. It was amazing. It was when we all just got together. I'm like, oh, my gosh, I wish my quarantine was horrible. That's interesting that your parents had you in high school. Yeah. If I had my children now in high school, I would be a completely different parent than I am now.

12:59In fact, if I had had my children 10 years ago, they would have gotten a different parent. Right. That that is wild to think about. High school is like you're still processing your own. Your own stuff, of course. And that makes so much sense that you're saying like they had their own stuff and you're trying to like help fix it as a little girl. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense, though, why you were picking these people. Absolutely. It was like it was projects, especially after being so hurt. I was like, okay, I really gave my heart to someone who I thought could hold it. And so I know what I'm good at.

13:41I'm good at helping other people. And so, you know, it's not all conscious. I'm just, I've really reflected on this. And I think I then got into something where I was like, I know my role here. I can help somebody. And in the end, of course, It was like there was so many secrets and cheating and disloyalty that I am usually the most intuitive person. But I was so focused on feeling bad for this person because I did love them. I had so much love for them that all of those like intuitions were completely suppressed. With what you went through as a child, though, it makes sense that your picker was not the picker that you deserve.

14:23For sure. How through each of these relationships have you gotten to a place where you feel like you love yourself enough to attract someone who is worth your time? I think it's being self-aware and really reflecting like, you know, I could sit and be like, it's not fair. I was cheated on. I was lied to. I was this. Or I could be like, why have I put myself in that position? And I'm a really like analytical thinker. I want to understand all of my thoughts. You seem very cerebral. Yeah. Yeah. And I and it's a great thing. Sometimes it gets a little too much where I'm like, OK, just let it go and move on.

15:03But I think looking back, I'm like, how you know, what are my patterns? How have I gotten into that? It was almost like I got into the fixer. I need to fix him. And then I went into another relationship after that that was complete settling. It was almost like I had to try different directions to realize more things about myself. And once I was in the one that was settling, I was like, I just woke up one day and this was only like a 10 month relationship. But I woke up one day being like, no, no, no, this is not what I do. And that was just that was almost the worst one because it was like a slap in the face to myself it was like you did this to yourself you chose this person and you know he didn't try to be anything he wasn't but and I don't mean to for this to sound egotistical at all but it was like I am so much higher than and not like better but like I'm so much more in tune and I can call something in that is that is that is on the level I'm I'm at you're out of alignment with yourself and for you to be able to recognize that you're right is really self-aware I believe with everything in life and my life that everything is happening for you I really believe that yeah I think you can look back even if you like look back on everything that you've been through and you're here now.

16:41Look at everything that you've learned that's helped you get in alignment to be where you are. You almost have to like course correct to get here. For sure. And I think what's interesting and I know we'll get into, but it's also, it's also funny that, you know, our bodies, what I've really realized too about going through any health issues or hormone issues is that our bodies are always trying to tell us something. And I have never had a period in a relationship. The day I break up with somebody, I get my period. And the day I get into a relationship, I lose it. I am now in a relationship and have had a healthy cycle.

17:30And it is, and also it's the healthiest relationship I've been in a by far, I honestly didn't even know it was possible for something to be, I don't like to use the word easy, but to be honest, it is a million times easier than anything I've ever been in. And I just now can look back and be like, oh my gosh, I was so mad at my body for not working properly. But really, it was just protecting me, I think, from being with the wrong person. That's wild. Yeah. Because if you had had your period, you could have gotten pregnant with one of these people. And I think it's also, you know, to get a little woo woo, the healer that I've worked with is like, of course, my mother didn't want to have me in high school.

18:16You know, I wasn't planned. It doesn't mean that I was like, my mom did the best job ever as a friggin 16 year old, you know, like incredible. But I think you can, when you're in the womb, take some energy from, you know, from your mom. And I think there's been fear in me growing up of having a child with the wrong person because no offense to my father, but I think my mom's thought that a lot of times, you know that is so true yeah I am the most woo woo and I totally agree that the baby picks up on all of it I I've flipped three kids in my stomach oh that were one of those like that's so cool they can feel it they can feel what you're feeling if you're if you're sad you can physically I mean this people are gonna be like I'm turning this off but they they absorb how you're feeling.

19:19And so that makes a lot of sense. But how freeing and liberating for you to be able to understand that so you have the tools to move forward and live this beautiful life. Imagine if you didn't think about and have empathy for your mom at 16, or if you didn't understand maybe how your mother was feeling when she carried you. It's really, to me, it's cool that you have this information. Exactly. Yeah. And you have to like switch out of the victim mindset and just see it that way. And once you do, like even nervous system dysregulation is just like annoying because there's so many components to it and you don't understand.

20:03And I think I've had so many like inflammation issues and like body aches and pains and the moment, and this is honestly a really recent thing, the moment I started to like surrender to those uncomfortabilities and be like, this is information. This isn't my body punishing me. It's it trying to show me a sign for something. It alleviates so much. It's so interesting for me to hear that you have inflammation issues. Because when I look at you, you guys got to pull up her Instagram if you can't see her or go watch the YouTube. But I I know a lot of people know you. Inflammation would not be on my bingo card for you.

20:42You don't look inflamed to me. Thank you. Like, I don't. It is a thing, though. I will say, like, I, you know, my boobs go two sizes bigger. I carry, will carry 10 pounds of water retention. And like, if I really work on my nervous system over four days, it will go away. What does that look like working on your nervous system to get rid of inflammation? So a lot of it, a lot of the practices that I've learned come from Brian, who I've worked with a lot. Yeah. Tell us about this. Yeah. So he, it's hard to title him. I don't even know how he titles himself, but I think it's like cranial reflexology meets fascial work meets.

21:28He's just really good at nervous system help, especially with women. And there's a lot of like breath work is really good for me because, you know, some people are like anxious minds. I'm more of an anxious body. And so I and like I said, I like to understand and know everything. And sometimes my body is reacting and my mind feels good. Like I'm like, I'm chill. I'm not anxious. It's not like I have rumorating thoughts, but I will have like my body feels adrenaline like it could run a marathon at 10 p.m. And I'm like, what is going on? So I know that my nervous system is dysregulated or I'll get hives all over my chest or my eyelashes fall out.

22:15Like I don't have any eyelashes anymore, which is also, I guess, a sign of, yeah, of mineral deficiency because of nervous system dysregulation. You got to write a book about the nervous system. There's so much to it. Wow. So I use the app open and I just will do like a five minute breath work or meditation. That has really helped. But when I'm doing those, I literally imagine it's usually my pelvis area that holds trauma or emotion in general. It blocks me from creativity. It feels really heavy. And it's like every time I like breathe into that area and try and imagine it going down out of my feet.

23:06It's amazing. I'll usually like cry for five minutes straight and then feel so relieved after. This is going to sound off the beaten path. I'm here for it. So have you ever gotten work on your pelvic floor where they go up you with fingers? No. You got to try it. So yes. Yes. You got to try it. Something's calling me to tell you this. Okay. Okay. There's a woman in Austin that after I had a baby, she, your pelvic floor, like think about all that trauma from birth, but also what you're saying, there's something in your pelvic floor. I mean, that's, this is my own, this is Dr. Lauren. No, I love Dr.

23:50Lauren. Give it to me. She goes up you with gloves and she adjusts not only your pelvic floor, she almost takes pressure off your organs inside. Right. And it is amazing. And she does it for about an hour. Wow. She also goes up the butthole. I have not done that one yet. I'm going to let Taylor be the guinea pig for that one. But this is a real thing. It's like it's cranial sacral inside. Well, it makes sense if you have organs and muscles and everything up there as well. and it's like there's only so much I mean Brian definitely doesn't go up there that would that would that's why I'm I go to a woman that's why I'm recommending Dr.

24:37Maria in Austin I'm obsessed with her she like doesn't even have social media yeah that's the best she but I I think that you should look into adjustment in the pelvic floor if anyone if anyone listening any recommendations for us. It really for you, I feel like you would love it. Well, that's the treatment. There are the sessions that we do. I'm lying down and he pushes on different places in my body and will be like, I mean, I don't even know he does it. He's like, OK, is it sore here? Yeah. OK, I got to go up to your head now. And now I'm going to put pressure on your head and I will feel the craziest release.

25:17The biggest one. And I've never I don't know if you've ever had this done is when he puts gloves on and goes inside of my mouth. There's a spot up above your teeth, like up here, up like almost towards your nose and then back also behind your teeth. And he will put pressure on it. And it is the craziest emotional release. He said he's done it to like Marines that have been carrying so much trauma and when he does it they will cry like little babies and they're like I haven't cried in 20 years you know and one time I did it bawled my eyes out the next time I did it could not stop laughing it was like that was my emotional release like so much like hysterical laughing um that's trauma in your fascia it is yeah yeah try that pelvic floor thing I'm going to it's really i know guys it sounds crazy i'm going to i'm gonna fly to austin to get someone's hands next time you're there i'll set i'll set it up for you and it's she like it takes pressure off your hips especially if you already know what i'm talking about because you did the mouth one yeah it's the same oh yeah vibe it's just vagina right perfect can't wait taylor don't get any ideas.

26:35Taylor's like Googling like pelvic floor banging porn right now. Okay. You never know what you're going to get. I love it. How has moving to Ojai and out of LA and out of this energy helped you heal your nervous system? And what are things that you're doing on a daily basis to allow yourself to flourish? Okay. So I've learned so much again about myself throughout this move because, and I'm sure you can relate, the over-stimulation here in Los Angeles, especially as someone who's in the business and always putting themselves in situations that people are networking and talking and that. It's a lot.

27:26And that's why I'm so grateful. I feel like my friend group is quite rare. Everyone is in the industry, but I don't think people realize that 99.9 % of the time that is not documented. There's no photos taken. We're off of our phones. It's been a, like, thank goodness for them. Like, leaving my entire family and moving here as one just by myself, having them is everything. everything. It's been really healing and amazing. But even with that, like L.A. was just, yeah, I was getting too much. And I finally I met someone who really related to me on that. Like he is the best at being so social and he's incredibly adaptable, which I think is a really great skill.

28:17But he wants to be near the grass and the dirt and hear birds chirping in the morning, not sirens and trucks and all of that. So we moved up there and it's so beautiful. We're on like 11 acres and it's like, it's so nice. You don't have a neighbor in sight. It's beautiful, right? But then I also realized, and I think this is the funny thing is that you can talk to people and be like, I'm overstimulated. And they're like, well, you're a highly sensitive person. You need to be, yeah, you need to move somewhere like out of, in the middle of nowhere and doing nothing. what I realized about myself though is I also because I noticed this when I was going to New York that I like loved it I love New York I love walking around I don't like going to New York and having a schedule from 8 a.m to 8 to 10 p.m that is a no no good but I love being there because I think with this incredibly analytical mind of mine and needing to understand everything it can get to be a lot like in my head and so being in New York and being able to observe everybody else and like everything around you and no one's paying attention to you it's like it gets you out of your mind and I'm inspired I'm creatively inspired a lot by by that so it was an interesting thing for me because I almost felt like bored in Ojai.

29:49But also my nervous system was taking an exhale, but to an extent then it would get anxious because I'm like, I'm stuck. I'm not inspired enough. So it's just interesting. You can learn like different things about yourself. And I think obviously not everyone has the ability to travel a lot, but I think that's why like having a home base that is calm but getting in this phase of life to travel to places that creatively inspire me is is the perfect recipe that I feel the same way yeah I say this all the time like New York and LA is my mistress I suck it I fuck it and then I get the fuck out and I want to marry the birds and the grass and I want to wake up and walk in the street with my baby in my pajamas.

30:39Like I don't want to run into anyone. I just want to be low, low, low vibes. Right. I completely feel the same way. I made a TikTok the other day and I was like, I love that I moved to farm town, but I'm in LA right now. I have my freaking overpriced, expensive coconut water matcha. I just went to Skims and bought something that Kylie Jenner was wearing and I'm a hoe for this shit. Where is the matcha and what is the thing that you bought that she's wearing oh my gosh um i bought like a one piece crazy one piece um swimsuit because i'm entering that era um from skims but everyone's googling it super uh fitted and i was like i want something more chic i don't always want like my boobs to just like be out in a bikini you know you have great boobs thanks thanks they're they're a lot sometimes my mother just got a reduction and she's trying to influence me and I am like.

31:37Don't touch your boobs. They look so good. I'm gonna wait till I have kids but then maybe like a reduction in a lift. You know what? I think you look great. Thank you. That's Dr. Lauren. And then what's the coconut matcha? Where do we get that? So I get it actually right down the street. I get if I'm getting iced I get it from Sun Life. and I get the matcha. So they have like already curated recipes for their matcha, but you can custom make them. So I get a matcha iced, no milk, coconut water. From Sun Life? From Sun Life. And then I get a little dollop of the coconut cold foam. Khalil, did you hear that?

32:20You should do the Alyssa on the menu. We did. What? It's not there anymore. We did it for like a certain amount of time, but we did actually a matcha affogato. So it was pouring matcha on their like ice cream and it was a hit. And then we also did a smoothie. But yeah, I love him and I love Sun Life. A matcha affogato? I know, it was fun. That's amazing. Yeah. Quick break to talk about one of our favorite companies, one of our essentials in our routine, and that is Just Thrive Probiotics and their new digestive bitters. If you are somebody who's accepted bloat, cravings, and that post-meal crash after eating as your new normal, I'm challenging you to feel better and I'm giving you the cheat code, the Just Thrive Gut Essentials Bundle that I mentioned previously.