How To Unlock Your Higher Self & Reprogram Your Mind: Clear Limiting Beliefs, Heal Subconscious Blocks, & Manifest Your Dream Life

0:00The following podcast is a dear media production. she's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire fantastic and he's a serial entrepreneur a very smart cookie and now lauren evarts and michael bostic are bringing you along for the ride get ready for some major realness welcome to the skinny confidential him and her you know how there was like there's kale it was like cold plunge saunaing like there's all different kinds of like waves. I think the nervous system is about to hit. I would rank the nervous system a little higher than Kale though. You know what I mean? Like I would put that one up. Kale had a moment though.

0:40The PR for Kale was really good. It had a good PR moment, but I would say that like the nervous system is a much more important wave. How did you become interested in the nervous system to begin with? so I feel like my story goes back to honestly university and I come from a town with 300 people there's a stop sign okay and I was really lucky growing up both of my parents were chefs and my mom was really into health and wellness so growing up I was so spoiled that when I got to university I didn't even know how to cook an egg so I go to university and everyone's like freshman 15 freshman 15 and I was like oh that's not gonna happen to me you know I was just so fortunate to be given all this healthy food that I didn't even know what fat was, what sugar was.

1:23Anyway, so then I hit the cafeteria and I'm not even thinking and I'm drinking every weekend, eating whatever I want. And I come home and I'm like, I don't think I did freshman 15. I think I did like freshman like 30. It hit me hard. Okay. And so for the first time in my life, I started working on, okay, I want to actually feel better. And so I started learning about health, about wellness and really trying to understand how to feel good. And so I think my first intro to the nervous system and feeling good was through trying to feel better in my body. And that's actually how I found your podcast.

2:00So this is like back in 2018. Wow. Yeah. Thank you. Long time listener. And I was like, I was, and I had never heard of personal development. I'd never heard of this world. And right when I learned about it, I felt so at home. Like I loved it. I became obsessed. And that's how I found out about Tim Ferriss, Joe Dispenza, all these people that were talking about all these magical things. And I grew up thinking like, okay, if you could make a hundred thousand dollars, like you've made it. Like I would be like a millionaire. Like that is like my dream. And so when I started learning about all these people, I was like, well, there's this whole other world out there that I didn't even know existed.

2:41And like, I'm so thankful for a podcast because it expanded me and it expanded, you know, what I knew was even available and possible. And I'm that type of person that I'm like, okay, I read the four hour work week and I basically made that my Bible. And I was like, okay, I want to work four hours a week. I want to escape winter. I want to work for my laptop and I want to work from anywhere in the world. That was my biggest dream. If I could just do that, I will have made it. and I started working on the side I started designing websites and logos for businesses in my small town I saw it as like a little niche and so I started doing that and I wasn't I wouldn't say it was like doing well like I was making like money to like drink on the weekends you know I really wasn't taking it seriously but that first year I booked a trip to Australia and during Why Australia?

3:30What was the reasoning? I don't know. I just feel like I was a palm tree in a past life. I'm a plant. I'm so happy near the ocean. I'm so happy in sunshine. Can you tell me where your town was near in Canada? It's three hours north of Toronto. It's a small town called Clarksburg, Ontario. Google it. What is the product or good or service that comes out of that? What is the town known for? apples apples interesting and if your parents i'm assuming if they were chefs did they have restaurants in the town or what did they do so my dad had a restaurant growing up and then he started working in the gold mine so he would fly down to guyana and yeah my dad was wild he also worked in la he worked for alice cooper like he was alice cooper like the heavy metal singer alice yeah he was his driver that's pretty cool yeah he's at least it's cool to me yeah what do you say he was like i want to play i want to play alice cooper i'm 18 that's such a fucking good song he was wild i actually have alice cooper's jacket we should have brought that okay we should have worn the jacket do you know what we're talking about here it's tiny like i do know who you're talking about but wait school's out for summer is it yeah yeah but he's got a song called i'm 18 everyone go play it on spotify right now i love that song like made me just want to kick through a door when I was a kid.

4:48Okay, so you moved to Australia. Yeah, so I moved to Australia, and while I was in Australia, I was like, I'm a millionaire, because I was working on my business, and I was just making enough to break even while I was traveling, and I was living in hostel, so I wasn't living large, but I was like, this is the best thing ever. I made it, and that was just everything to me, and while I was there, I got a call, and it was from my college, and they were like we really want you to come run our entrepreneurship center and this is in January so it's in the middle of winter and I just started learning about personal development so I think I was meditating for like three minutes a day like nothing major and I just had a gratitude journal that was about it and I just had this like gut feeling that I was meant to go back and everyone around me was like don't go back like it's the middle of winter you're gonna be so unhappy you did this to escape winter like just stay in Australia and I was like I don't know I just need to go back so i took the job flew back and then two weeks after flying home i got a call from my mom and my dad had committed suicide oh and oh i'm sorry to hear that thank you and for me this was the impossible because he was and still is like my best friend the strongest like hardest working most loved man that i ever knew like when he walked into a room it was like oh my god andrew was here like he he just lit up a room he was a life of every party he was so loved and he didn't see that in himself and I learned that now in hindsight and in that moment I actually felt relief for him I knew he was in a lot of pain he was my while I was in Australia my mom called me no he called me to say that they were separating and I was like thank god like I have been waiting for this my whole life like why because I grew up in a family where my mom and dad I could see just sense from a very young age that they weren't happy with each other so that so you it sounds like your nervous system was out of whack when you were young too because to sense that oh yeah is hard on the nervous system and it sounds like your dad's nervous system was out of whack obviously yeah because of what happened to him so that's interesting there's like a thread.

7:07Yeah. And I'm going to thread this into a whole yarn in a moment. And so like that, because as you grow up as a child, that's when you create your nervous system. And because growing up, my nervous system was surrounded by chaos. That became a blueprint for me. And I would just attract chaos everywhere I went because that was just my normal. And I didn't know what was happening. When you say you would attract chaos, give me a few examples of what would happen. Like blacking out every weekend. I would do this thing where I'd always make myself late for everything. I would always leave everything until the last minute.

7:40I would always just get myself in these situations where I would just cause, like, for example, always making myself late, always making myself have pressure when there didn't need to be and like not choose peace, if that made sense. Like if there was an avenue that was peace, I'd be like, okay, and I want to go this way, even though it was like the less desired option. But that was just like what was normal to me i'd track friendships relationships that would be that chaotic energy because that was my safety zone that was normal to me it's very self-aware yeah so yeah i mean not a lot of people that exhibit those behaviors have the awareness to realize like that's how they're behaving and i think for people around them sometimes it could be very confusing because they're sitting there being like why are you doing this are you talking about me no i feel like you are i feel like this is like like this is like a manipulative tactic i don't believe you he's all like peripheral hold on i didn't even look at you i know but that's there's an energy if it feels right i'm too in tune i'm not saying i'm not saying it's too i'm but i really ask the question i really wasn't talking about you but if the shoe fits and i'm not even were you really not talking about me i swear to god i wasn't talking about you but that's another thing for you to examine.

8:58I will say you are late. But I think a lot of people struggle. I mean, there's things I think about a lot when one of the big things I think about is self-awareness. And I think, I'm not the only one, but I think it is like one of the big things that directly impact the outcome of your life is how self-aware you are. And unfortunately, a lot of people are very unselfaware. Like they don't realize that what is in their wake after the decisions they make, they don't realize how they're being perceived by family and friends. What's something that you're self-aware about yourself? Like I can come off, I know for sure, like that if you get introduced to me and I saying the wrong line, like I know a lot of people think I'm probably an arrogant asshole and I'm aware of that.

9:44I'm aware of like the way I can come off. And so I tailor it in a different way in my personal life and others, but I'm like aware of that perception. I'm aware that my blunt delivery sometimes can make people uncomfortable. I think the worst thing is like you go through life and you're not aware of those things and you're confused by why people react to you the way they do. Does that make sense? Or you're confused about why you're having the outcomes you're having. And I think, I mean it as a compliment, like when you are that self-aware, you're able to either live and kind of like manage that, or you're able to kind of use it to tailor the outcome that you want.

10:18But when you're not self-aware, as I believe most people are not, or many people are not, then you go through life really struggling because you're like, why does this keep happening? What's going on? Why am I in the bad relationship? Why do I have bad friends? Why do I not get the job I want? Why am I always so upset? You know what I mean? It's because they're not being self-aware of what's actually going on around them. So through the self-awareness of you realizing that you're choosing chaos over peace, what happens? and I want to come back to that because that's a really good point and so okay so going back so in that moment when my mom called me I hung up the phone and I called my best friend and this was the best friend that I met in Australia and I met two of the same people in the same way I said I love your tattoo and I don't often compliment tattoos but they had really beautiful tattoos and they both said oh thank you this is because I lost my it one was her boyfriend and one was her brother.

11:12And in that moment, I was like, wow, I've never met anyone so positive, so happy, and has been through a trauma like that. And I just had this knowing that I was like, I'm going to lose someone. And that's an example to me that I'm going to be okay. And so when my mom called me, I was like, okay, gotta go. I called my friend and she was like, Marley, I just don't want this to make you lose your sparkle. And as cheesy as that sentence was, it was exactly what I needed in that moment because I needed something to be my northern star and I was like I'm not gonna let this break me because for the first time I was experienced so much like happiness which was living in Australia running this business for actually like the first time in my life like feeling so happy and I was like okay I am not gonna make this break me I have no idea how to go through this I have no idea what I'm doing but I'm just going to make this make me and it was at my dad's celebration of life like four months later that I spoke and I said I'm going to dedicate the rest of my life to figuring out a way and a tool so that no one does what my dad did and think that that's the only option and has to struggle so much to get there and I and again like I had done like a three minute meditation at this point and maybe done like a few gratitude journals like I had not healed or done any like deeper healing and for the first time I went to therapy because it was subsidized from the government like we grew up you know I would say poor like struggling and and and from a very young age like I just thought okay if I can have money then everything will be okay because as a young child I was always like observing like okay what was causing the chaos what was causing the problems and I always felt like because there wasn't enough money it caused tension so from a very young age I was like I just want to make as much money as possible because then I'll be happy and then I'll feel love like as a young I just remember thinking as a young child like that was like the solution to the problem that is existing in the home and so on that journey I was I began becoming obsessed like I'm a Capricorn and once I get into something I get in so I was reading all the books listening to all the podcasts like Joe Spenza, Tony Robbins, all these people trying to figure out, okay, how do people actually feel good?

13:31Like how can people love themselves enough and actually have permanent change in their life and feel good? And I became my own guinea pig because I, again, didn't know how to deal with grief. There's no handbook. You have no idea what's going on. I was literally going to work and my shoes had like massive holes in them and I didn't even notice. It was so, yeah. Quick pause on that. Out of all those books and all those things that you read and studied, who do you remember being the most impactful or helpful? Because I'm sure a lot of people want to know. I mean, you mentioned Joe and Tony. Well, can I be honest?

14:04None of them. Okay. That's not true. But in the sense of everyone kept saying the same thing to me, they kept saying, if you want to change your life, you have to change your beliefs. And I understood that because I started studying the subconscious mind and we can go into that of how that works. And I understood, okay, if you change your beliefs, you'll change your reality. because I was like, how can someone grow up and have and not have money and have all this money? Like, what did they do? How did they get there? And I was trying to like reverse engineer success. And everyone just kept saying, you just have to change your beliefs.

14:32You just have to change your beliefs. But no one told me how. And I was like, OK. And the options were like hypnotherapy, journaling, da, da, da. And I was like, I don't really like those options because nothing is I mean, nothing in life is guaranteed. But there wasn't like a result. There wasn't like, OK, this is going to get this. It's like, just do this for the next 40 days and see what happens. And I didn't like that. I was like, I get, I want results. So over time and to bring it back to the nervous system, like that's why I created my method is it is the most effective way to reprogram your living beliefs into positive ones.

15:08And, you know, in my own life, I went, I lost 30 pounds. I became a self-made millionaire at 30 growing up poor. I Met the love of my life and I have a healthy loving like beautiful relationship Which wasn't modeled to me growing up financial wealth wasn't modeled to me None of this was modeled to me growing up, but I was able to do that through changing my beliefs and so When it comes to the nervous system, you know, that is your body. So if your body is in chaos it's signaling to your mind okay there's danger there's threat and when your body is in danger and threat it's like it's like a lion running like after a zebra and the zebra is like okay danger danger that zebra is not thinking okay how am I going to make more money today what's for dinner you know it's not like relaxing and like thinking about its highest next self it's thinking about survival and if I think if we get people out of that survival mode and out of that danger and allowing them to feel safe that's when like the weight drops that's when you manifest the relationship that's when you build your dream business that's when you follow your soul purpose that's when you empower yourself to be the best version of yourself and create this life beyond your wildest dreams so say there's someone listening that has negative beliefs what are some tactical tips that you can give to help change those beliefs because you mentioned there was nothing that actually told you how so if someone listening i'm sure everyone listening like i teach this stuff and i embody this stuff every day i still have limiting beliefs like everyone has limiting beliefs it's the thing is is okay so let's choose the area of life i think most people come to me for money i was just gonna say let's talk about money the way people talk about money to me is wild wild yeah i don't even want to like say the word that i want to say because I feel like that's limiting to me.

17:02I want to say like, there's a way to think about money in a really abundant way. So how can we switch that belief if someone's listening? A lot of people have so much fear around it because you're talking about survival. Like it is a modern day survival mechanism, right? Like if you don't make a living, a lot of people assume this, if you don't make a living, you have a hard time making your way through the world because it's how we transact, it's how we eat, it's how we provide birth. It's all these things. But even that sentence that you just said is low vibration. No, no, I'm just saying that's why people have fear around money.

17:30Okay, so let's loop back to this self-aware conversation. So there's a law called the cause and effect. You are the cause of the effect. And I think once you start to realize that and empower yourself, like my financial reality was my effect. Like I was causing that effect. Okay. When I was$30 ,000, I created that. No one came in and gave me that debt. Like I created that, which also means that I have the power to change it. Well, you see a lot of people have struggled with this line of, and by the way, I a hundred percent agree with you, but a lot of people struggle with this because we live in a culture now where there's in many cases, a lack of accountability and there's a lot of blaming and there's, you know, well, these are my circumstances.

18:17This is how I grew up, or this is what someone did to me or society puts this pressure on me. And I agree with you. I think if you don't have that accountability from the first place, it's very hard to do what I think you're about to talk about, which is then make the change. So what you're saying is the first step is self-awareness and self-accountability. Yeah. I always say this. The first step is taking 100 % accountability for your reality. I mean, put that on a t-shirt. I totally agree with you. and i get i get it like it was so much easier for me to be like it's my parents fault you know it's the way i was raised and wanting to blame everyone else because that is the easier option like that's the way but it's i'm to get out of it that's comfortable also delusional but but i always go back to like how bad do you want it like how bad do you want to change how bad my okay in the beginning it was silly but my why was literally i did not want to experience winter ever like like I didn't.

19:15But that's a why. That was so much pain for me. Somebody who's experienced the winners, you guys get up there. We don't have them, but I've heard stories of what those winners look like. And we freak out over here if it gets into the third. If I go to London, and I love London, but by a week, I'm like, oh my God. Because it's dark at three. No, it's depressing. It's so depressing. Yeah. But maybe I need to change my reality and go to London and be like, you know what? I love London but London doesn't get that kind of winter what you're talking about also like you're also allowed to not like things like if you don't like the cold you don't like the cold you don't have to suffer and that's the thing is like I think it's like so people move away from pain and they move towards pleasure right so if their reality isn't painful enough they're not going to change actually because that's just like what they're used to but this is actually so okay so your beliefs were created between the ages of zero and seven that's when your subconscious mind was open and you took in everything as you know this young baby and this became your truth and this became your comfort zone so this became your financial thermostat not just financial thermostat but every thermostat so like relationship thermostat body thermostat like what you learned and what was normal and consistent became your comfort zone that's interesting that it's i didn't know that all your beliefs come from zero to seven yeah that's very interesting so if someone's listening, what are the steps that you would take to change their belief?

20:45The first one you mentioned was being self-aware. Yeah. What's the next one? Okay, so we're talking about money. Okay, but this can go for any area of life. If you want to manifest relationship, whatever, it covers everything. So if you are wanting to attract more money, I want you to take a piece of paper. I want you to light a candle. I want you to close the door and I want you to put your phone on silent and set a 10 minute timer and I want you to write down what are all my beliefs about money and you're going to have a moment where you write something you're like something comes you're like oh I don't want to write that down okay but you believe it so you just need to get everything out okay not writing it down isn't going to make it less believable like you still believe it so we need to get everything out on a piece of paper and that you can look at and you can do a direct equation of like this is creating a reality like you can mirror it thinking like an audit yeah an audit so give me an example of like what people like you've seen with what they write down and like how that audit works okay so i'd say the biggest lemming belief that i see in my practice is wait guess what it is what do you guess what do you think it's a big around money but but like universally what do you think everyone's biggest lemming belief is about themselves i can't wait translates to everything uh i can't they don't have enough confidence on that tone it's that they believe that they're not enough that's the biggest thing that i clear amongst all of my everyone that comes to me and that's why louise hay says in all her meditations to say over and over and over every day all day long i approve of myself yes that's interesting that you say that she never says i am not enough she says like to combat that i would think she says to say over and over all day long i approve of myself i approve of myself that's in every one of her meditations.

22:32Yeah. That's interesting. That's exactly why. So, because beliefs don't have like this thing where they're like, okay, I'm only going to show up in relationships and then not money. Like it just over all areas of life. So then if you don't believe that you're enough, then there's also never enough money. Then also your partner never does enough for you. And then also your body is never going to look good enough. Like it mirrors in every area of life. A lot of that comes from comparing yourself to other people's journey or other people, I think. That's where I think that that, because how would you know what enough is without comparing yourself?

23:06I think it's that for sure. And a lot of people like society does a good job of trying to humble people consistently. Exactly. And they don't, and people get shamed for bragging about themselves, being overconfident, being their biggest cheerleader. Like people, people want you to humble yourself in front of them. Right. I get shit whenever I say, I think I'm great. I think I'm amazing. but if i don't think that then who like how can i expect anyone else to think because again even when you're saying that out loud there's certain people that will be they don't it rubs i think everyone should think they're great and everyone should think they're amazing that is my like if i my thing is like if everyone in this world could just believe that they are more than enough just as they are the world would be a completely different place i agree with you and and also okay so we are raised in schooling in and think about how we're taught in school when you get your grade back is it like green check it's like red red red when you're speaking in front you're constantly getting audited on how good you are we are constantly getting audited on how we're not enough we are programmed to believe our whole lives that we are not enough every time even in in the class it's like okay who's gonna play gym who's picking for gym it's like oh the person get picked last that's not enough it's like we're it's not our fault it's not like it's just the fact that we are constantly being compared to others compared to the media compared to this perfect you know photoshopped person and if you don't look like this you're not enough like that society makes us think that i feel like you have to brainwash yourself you do you have to literally what's that thing you have to reprogram waterboard yourself water was that what the right word like no you have to like you have to like waterboarding is a debated form of torture that they use you have to like delude delulu you have to be delusional and you have to think you're fucking amazing wait you're using waterboarding in the completely wrong context you know who i feel like is really a good example of someone who just thinks they're amazing and it radiates out of her kris jenner like you can tell that even before keeping up with the kardashians like she and kim too they like they thought their thoughts you can tell were like the sky is the limit you can feel that energy that's their beliefs yeah that's their belief so that's their reality the the belief is the cause and the reality is the effect always okay so sorry i'm going on tangents but i'm like getting so excited about this we love a tangent okay so if you say something like money is evil or i don't need money to be happy what you're doing is you're creating the cause is now the effect is basically you will push that away from you because you have created that narrative or people that like there's a there's an undertone sometimes i notice of people that sort of shame other people for caring about money do you guys know what i'm talking about like like being like i don't i don't need this i need this and like almost like shaming people who who enjoy making money t harv eckhart says yeah we'll show me their bank account right it's almost like you have to if you want to make money you can't shame the thing that you want does that make sense no exactly like most people that i speak to there's a very rare like they will be very aware of the fact they want a lot of money like i maybe because i live in so that for good it's like different but i think most people most of the time whether or not they want to admit or not know that they want money they just feel really frustrated because they don't know how to make more but that's an affirmation what you just said saying i don't know how to make more money is an affirmation that's a belief in your head what i think that is important about affirmations that people have to understand is there are negative affirmations too so saying i don't know how to make money i want more money but i don't know how to make it that's going on in the tape and the cassette in your head exactly so okay wait perfect analogy okay so if we think about your reality as like a movie projector okay the there's a film and the tape and the cassette is projecting the movie exactly so the film is your beliefs and whatever you believe will be projected so if we think about okay we want to change the movie we're not going to this screen like cutting out and like adding stuff to the screen we're going to the tape and we're removing the old tape and we're adding a new tape to create a new reality.

27:29And that comes up in your energy too. Everything. So in my practice, the most effective way to making more money, to creating this reality that you want has come from changing your beliefs. And I've seen it, like I have so many stories I could tell you guys. You have like amazing stories that have happened. Yeah. But it sounds like the first step is you have to get, you have to take accountability and then you have to take inventory of what's going on in your life. And then you have to change, like if you want something to change, you have to change your beliefs around the things that are not going well in your life.

27:59I will give an example in my own life of how a limiting belief really affected me. And I've talked about this before. So if you've heard it, sorry. I, after my first baby, gained so much weight in pregnancy. And the tape in my head was, I can't lose weight. This is so hard. This is so overwhelming. I feel so fat. That was the tape that was playing in my head. And the second that I changed that tape, the weight fell off me of course you change it to i changed it to i'm losing weight weight is falling off me and louise hay taught me how to do this this isn't like something that i innately knew i'm losing weight weight is falling off me i'm i would imagine myself in the outfit that i would want to wear i had the outfit hanging in my closet i would look at it every day and so i i sort of like manipulated my reality like clay to what i wanted it to be and this pregnancy my third one, the tape in my head right now is I'm losing weight.

28:55I've gained 30 pounds, so I'm acknowledging what it is, but I'm losing weight. And I think that you do, the first step you're right is not, it needs to be a self-awareness that you're even having the thoughts or beliefs. You also have to want it. Like, I'm not here to convince anyone what they want and don't want. Like, if you come to me and you're like, Marley, I really want to earn more money. I want to manifest my dream relationship I want to manifest my dream body did it I'm like okay I got you I have the tools to get you there but you have to want I think that's also the first step like first step aware that you create your reality and you are fully the ownership is on you to do this and then you have to want it and then once like okay I'm sure that once you start changing the tape you maybe met out of nowhere this trainer that was going to help you or like found these tools that were supported in that exactly what happened yeah exactly but so there's a part of your brain called the reticular activating cortex it filters out based on your beliefs so it filters every reality so like if you're in a room and everyone's talking and everyone else Michael you'll turn but no one else is going to turn because that word isn't important to them right so that's your RIC so if you're having that tape over and over in your mind like okay i am so fat or whatever the trainer and the whatever is not going to come to you because you're it's not in alignment with your beliefs so it's unimportant another way is you know when you're looking at a car and like you just start to see that car everywhere and you're like oh my gosh like everyone has this car now that car was always there just it was never important so what happens is when you start to change your beliefs for example you change like I also was just getting by like paycheck to paycheck and then when I started to change my beliefs and change my beliefs about money I started to see opportunities where I only saw ways that I couldn't make money I should make see ways that I could make money so when you change your belief your actual brain filters out what's important which is incongruent with or incongruent with what you actually believe so then you start moving towards things that you believe are true to your point.

31:03So there's a science behind it. It's not just like woo-woo manifestation. It's the way your brain works. It's the way your brain works. It's like opens your channels. I also think when you become obsessed with something, I'll give you an example. If all you're obsessed with is how do I make more money, more money, more money, more money, that can, that can, that's almost out of alignment and unbalanced and that can end up hurting you. So if you become, I'll give you another example. If you become obsessed with finding someone, you're not letting it in and letting it get into alignment. So I think the affirmation part's important too.

31:40You don't want to become obsessed with money. To me, it's like money is a tool to get me to where I want to go, which is what's the bigger goal of that? Bigger than the money. Does that make sense? Yeah. So, okay. So I love this point. So whenever I have a client who's like okay I really need a relationship okay well why and and it's it's with everything in life because it's like desperate yeah it's desperate energy and that repels as we all know but you're not actually after this is actually the interesting thing people aren't actually after the money it's the way the money is going to make them feel the way the relationship is going to make them feel and that's almost that's almost like how do you rework that exactly so i would ask you like why do you want a relationship so badly i want to feel loved i want to feel supported i want to feel seen i would say okay that's great do that now like love yourself now make yourself feel support and and because you can never you will always attract what you are you attract what you are we're energetic beings you attract like law of law of attraction like attracts like so if you want to attract a thing you can't attract anything out of luck.

32:50You can't attract abundance out of scarcity. It doesn't work. If you're in scarcity 24 seven and you're trying to attract more money, that doesn't work. I think the reason we got back together is because you changed your energy.

33:04No, but I had good. I always had good energy. You were just like, you were close. You were confused. I know, but there was a little desperado in high school and you changed the desperado. This is not this talk about this experience. I don't think I was desperado. There was a little like waiting up for me until 5 30 in the morning when I was asleep at one energy. I had other girlfriends and other things going on. Okay, but then when you got out of that desperado, I was like, I kind of leaned into it. Side note, you know how we were talking in the car the other day about how you create these false narratives?

33:33This is a false narrative. It's my inner monologue. Welcome to it. I remember basically going to you, and this is a true story, tell me if it's not, and saying, this is the last fucking time you have a chance with me. Are you taking it or not? That's, and there was no desperate energy. So, okay. True story. true story this is okay we got to work on your narratives because i'm like trying to think about that i'm like so you took back your power basically and she felt that yep and then but but that's with everything narrative also with money that's with the relationship if you want something so badly you can't you can't attract it from chasing it you have to become it and yeah what i will say And this doesn't just apply to me or to you or to you or to our producer, Carson.

34:22Everybody knows the people in their lives that are constantly complaining about what they don't have or how hard it is or how bad the relationship is. And we all are sitting here either listening or thinking of these friends. And the pattern is a recognizable pattern. It's the same narratives on repeat, right? It's a scarcity narrative. I can't do this. I'm not enough. Nobody wants that. And it's that over and over and over again. and it's heartbreaking when you're close with someone to watch it but like it's exactly what you're talking about it's the scarcity is not going to bring abundance and the unfortunate thing is like getting I feel like you have to be ready for this conversation in order to hear it you have to want it to your point because a lot of people they just it's like on repeat until they I think get to a point or have a life event where they say like enough is enough I'm changing yeah like so I had a client and she kept attracting partners that would not respect her boundaries over and over it was this theme and we think okay well I'm just gonna break up with this guy and then the new guy's gonna respect my boundaries and the same thing over and over and over and over so the reason why that happens is because you are attracting that because you don't respect your own boundaries so when I met her and she actually came to me for money she wanted to make more money but her real thing was like I really just want a relationship and I was like okay well let's see what's been going on and and what the thing that she complained about most is that men never respected her boundaries so i just simply asked her like where do you not respect your own boundaries so we had a list she stopped she just made pivots and adjustments with all those things and is it hard for her to hear that message or to go through that with you well to your point like she was ready like she was seeking help she was seeking she was seeking help so she was like I'll do anything right things like she was working till four in the morning she was going to the gym for four hours a day like she was disrespecting her like disrespecting her boundaries her body people would do things and she would just allow it like they would say mean things instead of standing up for herself or setting a boundary she would just allow it so there's a very large lack of boundaries that's interesting yeah really started saying those boundaries and we cleared her limiting belief that she is disrespected this fear of being disrespected and and then I have this tool called neural linking it's how to create a new belief it's it's creating a new neural pathway in your brain and her new neural link is that I am so respected and that I am loved for who I am two weeks later I get a message from her and she met this guy and he literally has been so nice to her and he messaged her saying, I just want to let you know that I respect you and I respect your boundaries.

37:05And then four days later, it was like, and I just love you for who you are. And I was like, but like, you can't even make this up. Like once she changed her energy, it was like physically represented through text messages. And again, it's not a coincidence. It's just, you will always attract what you believe. So if you believe in scarcity, you will attract scarcity. If you believe that you're respected and you start respecting yourself, you will attract that. It's like, it's exactly what, I mean, it's like that thing. It's like, wherever you go, there you are. And it's what we're talking about early with self-awareness is like a lot of people just like really struggle to see themselves from a realistic perspective, right?

37:39Like we see ourselves in the way we see, but it's hard to step back and truly be self-aware and be like, this is not only how I see me, but how the world sees me. Right. And until you can do that, I think it's really hard to get to the points you're talking about. I also think what you said, if whatever you want to attract, you have to be first. And they teach you this in AA, I think. It's like, whatever, if you want someone who's hardworking, if you want someone who's disciplined, if you want someone who's funny, I have this friend. And I swear to God, he was sitting around making fun of the girls that he was attracting and their teeth he's like what is going on with these girls teeth they're yellow they look like a snaggle tooth they're the one is brown like i heard him making fun of these girls teeth and i looked at him and i'm like bro your teeth like literal look like i don't even like he works at the carnival like like it's like you can't expect someone to have perfectly beautiful teeth when you don't have the teeth yourself and that's a physical example but it goes for like energy too like you cannot my favorite is when someone who is so goddamn unfunny and not witty is like i want someone who's funny and entertaining it's like you sit there like the fucking wb frog you're not gonna find someone that's fucking tap dancing with pizzazz when you're as boring as like you it doesn't make any sense if you want someone who's funny and witty then you have to be funny and witty but your friend sadly was projecting his teeth insecurities onto these women and it's not fair and he needs to heal his own like i gave him security to a here's a cross trip no because I'm done with these guys like that I I hear Michael's our friends complaining the guys don't blame me it's our friends at this point no but it's like yeah it's all of our guy friends and I'll hear them complaining about girls and I'm like are you funny I've never heard any of your girlfriends complain about guys yeah well I would tell them the same thing like are you funny like if you want someone who's funny and also like my thing too and I'm gonna call this out if you're a woman and you're listening and you're saying that you want some rich man go be the rich man look at share go be go go make money and you will attract money i really believe that i mean listen here's the thing and this is the truth for everybody we are hyper critical of others and not nearly critical enough of ourselves like i i am a firm believer in shame i know people think that's crazy i really am i i think people don't have nearly enough shame they're not nearly enough ashamed of themselves at moments in time we are very quick to project onto others why they should be shameful and why they need to change their behaviors and why they need to do better if i see one of these people tell me to do better one more time on the internet i'm like i'm gonna go and i'm gonna show up at your door and everyone's gonna tell you to do better i'm gonna go and i'm gonna knock on the door with a clipboard and say i'm here with the team to audit your life to see how you're doing but it's true it's like we're so quick to project outward and and judge other people and we're not nearly quick enough to judge ourselves like the way we're living the way we're marley's right there's a product a projection but you get what i'm saying it's a reflection you're actually just judging yourself so whenever sorry to interrupt you but whenever anyone complains about anything to me i was like okay you're actually just complaining about yourself so let's put that back on you so for example so i also have friends that want rich men right but But it's like, okay, but why do you want that rich man?

41:22You actually just want safety because you believe that if you have a rich man taking care of you, then you'll feel safe. They're going to get into that relationship and they're never going to feel safe because they're trying to fix an inside problem, which is wanting to feel safe on the outside. and what i'm here to share with people is like if you actually just believe this on the inside then you can feel safe and then you can attract any person from a place of love and actual alignment and actual like soulmate connection instead of this needing them to validate this feeling of safety but like i'm sure you heard so many stories like it never works out that way like if you're trying to fix an inside problem from the outside you see this all the time with actually celebrities they grow up they don't feel like they're enough they had some sort of like controlling parent that made them feel lack so then they're like okay I'm gonna become famous and then all these people are gonna love me then I'm gonna feel more than enough then they get famous and they realize oh my gosh I still don't feel enough then they go to drugs and alcohol hoping that to numb the pain and we all know that but that's like it's like it all stems from this belief of like not feeling this is like the thing that I feel like if anyone could take this away from this episode is if you are struggling with not feeling more than enough if you fix that one thing if you if you reprogram that one belief your whole life will change then you'll have more than enough you start to attract more than enough money you'll start to attract more than enough love like you'll just have this feeling of peace inside of you and safety inside of you that no one can take from you i think this episode is really important and a lot of the things you're saying is how i try to live I'm obviously not perfect at it, but I love all this stuff.

43:01It does get called woo woo all the time, but I don't care. It's I'm just sharing like what's worked for me. I think what you said earlier about seeing all the people that you're pissed at or you're angry at or you're critical of and looking at them every single night and doing an audit and then see where you do the same thing that's pissing you off. So if you're pissed off, I'll give an example that someone's playing the victim. See where you're playing the victim. Like flip it on its head. That's been really helpful for me if I'm critical in my head of someone. I try to see where I show up as something that they're doing.

43:35And it sort of gives yourself a self-audit. I think for anyone listening who's like, oh, this is woo-woo. I choose science instead. The thing about science, and again, you can, is science, what are we looking for? Something that works 100 % of the time. nothing works there's nothing in this world that works 100 of the time and in science they used to literally shoot babies up with mercury like right like so science is getting debunked every single day and so what i like to look at is okay what has credibility credibility means it has belief and trust if you're a credit if you are critical or if you have credibility you have belief and trust so what do you believe and trust and for me it's what has worked for me and it's what i've seen work for my clients and i and i like i can't not just see where my clients are changing their beliefs and if let's just look at myself let's not even involve my clients like there is no reality where someone like me from a small town in ontario canada with 300 people who grew up not having money who grew up in a home i i mean i love my parents were doing their best and i acknowledge them for that and i love them for that i like i was i chose my parents it all worked out perfectly but like there's no reason that i should have became a millionaire right the reason why that happened is because i changed i chose to change my beliefs i wasn't lucky i didn't work harder than anyone else it was like that was a mere reflection of i used to believe in scarcity and now I believe in abundance.

45:08What are the tools that you use throughout the day or in the morning or night to help you really be your highest self? Oh my gosh, I forgot to even mention the tool that I talked about to change your money beliefs. So this is a really good one. So remember how we were making a list of all of our native... Oh, do you burn the list? No, no. Because you said light a candle. No, we're lighting a candle just to like set an ambiance. Okay, got it, got it. So we're taking that list and that is a reflection of all of your beliefs about money. And you're going to see, okay, if you fear the most common money fear is probably that there's not enough or that you're going to run out.

45:43Yeah. Very scarcity or that they don't trust money. They don't trust it to increase. Very common. And I've inconsistency with money. That's a big one. And so on. So this is just a really simple tool that anyone can do at home for free. So I invite you to do that. And then on another piece of paper, you're going to write down the opposite belief. So how is money so consistent? How am I attracting so much money? How is my money increasing? And you write all the opposite belief and you write that down. And I love actually changing it into something called an ask formation. This like levels up an affirmation because if you don't believe that you're beautiful and you look in the mirror every day and you say you're so beautiful, your mind is just going to say, no, I'm not.