Sage Robbins On Mindfulness, Holistic Healing, & The Secrets To Emotional Mastery

26:58Sage Robbins:I mean, in our life, life is full. It's full. It's abundant in all ways. And we can work a 20-hour day and not even blink an eye. And so it's making our moments matter. It's making our moments matter. And then life humbles you, you know, loss. And a few years ago, Tony had an internal bleed and I thought I was going to lose him. He lost four points of blood when he was on stage. He had an esophageal bleed. And that's really stripping. It's really humbling because from that perspective, I wanted nothing of him. I just, I wanted to love him. I wanted to be as close as possible. Life is just such a teacher.

27:39Sage Robbins:It's those moments that has really stripped me down and humbled me. And I find that, and Tony always says, it's like trade your expectations for appreciation and you can miss that but actually living that truth like trait like x expecting it's like okay i want you to do this that's crazy i can i can i can be grateful you know that i hear for you i hear from you michael that it'd be meaningful to be seen for what you're doing well and by the way vice versa with your lady it's both ways it's both ways and or speaking to her it's like babe i can't even imagine all that you're navigating i mean she's carrying this child within.

28:17Sage Robbins:She's like, moms have, I don't know, women, I think there's a unique challenge because we have so much of our energy external. And so it's like one more thing to take care of, one more, whether it's your business, whether it's your children, whether it's your husband, it's like, it's a lot. And for myself, I didn't always take care of her. I missed me. My 20s and 30s, probably even into the beginning of my early 40s, you're just stepping into that place, I missed even what would feel true for me. I would do anything for everybody else, but I wasn't always aware of what you call it self-regulation, but just what taking a breath and catching my breath and doing what I feel in moments I would feel filled up by so I can meet my loves in my life from a fuller and truer, more connected place.

29:10Why were you such a people pleaser?

29:13Sage Robbins:Well, what I recognize at this stage, I really am. I'm a love. I really do love people. And I think feel it. But I think it changed. I think, you know, I was the pleaser of I don't know. It's a conditioned. It's like, you know, I don't know if it's the external. I want your love approval and acceptance, you know, as a younger version of myself. And then that falls away and it's just i love you and i want to show up for life never mind myself and others and it comes it's it's the same it just comes from a different fuel it comes from a different place a more authentic place truthfully and it's less like you know i it's it's more i don't know i you know i think we're made to be as human beings that god intended us to be useful and I am.

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34:16Sage Robbins:Check out Opill to see if it's right for you. You mentioned 20-hour workdays. At times. How? And I've heard from behind the scenes of people around you guys that have said that no one works harder. I mean, I have. I think we've seen it too. Well, you could see it. We got to go. Which is the event that we went to? You were there. It was a long time ago though. Our Unleash the Power Within. Yes. And it was in New Jersey. Yes. I did the cool moss. Walking the fire. It's amazing. Yeah. Did all the things. But the way you guys work is incredibly unique. 20 hour days are wild. I want to know how you prepare for it and then how you wind down from it.

34:59Sage Robbins:Well, we do prepare. Absolutely. I mean, when people ask me what's one thing that, you know, most people wouldn't know about Tony is actually the level and depth that he prepares. I mean, he's on. Isn't he jumping around for like something crazy hours straight? Yes. I heard he doesn't only just prepare for that, but I heard if he does interviews. A podcast. If he goes to a place. and he does i mean when he met us i could tell like he listen we do this with a lot of people yes and you can tell sometimes people are like where am i who like you know what i mean like he knew absolutely a lot more than i thought he would know about us that's why you guys live zero zero zero one percent of it's it's high expectation of self true rather than others that's freedom that's freedom and and it's the high expectation yourself or just bringing your best self i suppose and even last night you know Mary and I we were preparing today it was probably three and a half hours of my evening last night just reading getting connected and because I want to have once again a meaningful and intimate conversation rather than walking in vacant and having no sense of who you are and I actually really I was like wow I relate to these people there's actually some common threads you guys are like a decade younger version of us but there's a lot of actually commonality.

36:18Sage Robbins:I have mad respect for you both. But I personally find that so impressive about both of you because at the stage of life you're both in and the success you've both had, you don't need to do that, but you continue to do it. And listen, it's amazing for us because we get to have that connection. But I just think it speaks to the success that you guys have achieved because many at your level don't do that. And we speak to people regularly. And so it's it's interesting that you guys would take that amount of time still to do this kind of thing. I just think it speaks to your character and success.

36:49So when you know you have to just be on stage or speak or do something for 20 hours, are you starting the week before? Are you starting the month? Like what's the prep for that?

37:00Sage Robbins:That's a great question. Well, it depends. It depends whether the event is something that we've done many, many times, or it depends whether it's something new. Do you know what I mean? Because when there's creation, there's more iteration there's more creation to it so contextually that would begin much sooner so like the summit that you're doing for all these women what's what is the prep for that well uh that begins much sooner it actually we're thinking about it here now uh last year it's something that we do uh only once a year and it's called our she's unstoppable summit uh and what's amazing is last year we had close to 500 000 women uh that joined virtually yes which was just really humbling and extraordinary uh and this year it's a little bit of a different format we're doing three days it's just two hours a day uh but what's amazing is it's this beautiful community i think there's a hunger and a longing for us to connect in a meaningful way never mind in relationship but just as human beings and uh and so from that perspective uh it's something i'm really passionate about and uh the summit itself is really it's a space and place where women come together and uh really you know connect to what's not working you know what's no longer needed what's like bogging me down like we have so many identities and roles and duties and responsibilities and energy you know demanding our attention out external and the summit's really about tuning into her and tuning in to claim all the parts of ourselves and to live our most authentic version.

38:36Sage Robbins:So we are, we're doing that in August this summer and I am preparing now. And when you say you're preparing, does this mean wellness? Does this mean going over scripts? Like what is it? What is the prep actually like from a micro level look like? Well, you know, there's, I think it's, it's mind, body, spirit. I think, you know, if you're getting ready for an event or you're getting ready for anything you take care of your body you know you fill your mind with what's relevant or if there's a it's not even so much a script but i suppose more of a syntax of added value because that's why that's what you're really wanting to do is share lived wisdom and understandings that can help others free themselves because i found a kinder way and i think that there's i think that's where we all meet is you know and for myself when you ask me how i self-regulate i know what it feels like when i didn't and i know what it feels like when i don't and i have found ways through to bring a different level of ease in a moment i do a practice called 60 seconds of grace or 60 seconds of peace and it's like the moment you can you know for myself i can i'll do it in between calls i'll do it in between zooms i'll do it in between interviews i'll do it you know in between going from work into a personal space with our family or having dinner.

39:53Sage Robbins:And it's just a moment to gather our energy back to this moment. Would you like to experience it? Yeah, I was just going to say, can you tell us exactly how to do it? Sure. Okay. Okay. Well, so let's just sit completely comfortable. And once again, there's no... Michael, cross your legs and take your pants off. You don't even have to. Sit up on the table. Let me cross my legs and take my pants off on table right now let me lay across that is a sight no one needs to see you're beautiful lauren you really are you don't want me to sit up here right now naked the baby might fall out okay so sit come and once again you can do this a moment that you feel that you catch yourself and you're like wow i'm being crazy or you can do this in between a transition you can do this in the morning at any point in time when you asked me what i did to self-regulate when i was at events and the noise was so loud and like just everything and there's so many people i recognized i needed to catch a beat for me i needed to catch a beat so i call you can call it 60 seconds of peace 60 seconds of grace you just sit completely comfortable wherever you are there's no right or wrong way of doing this and close your eyes and invite your awareness back to this moment back to your breath back to the miracle of your body being breathed, the miracle in itself, the presence, tuning into the presence of behind the breath.

41:21Sage Robbins:You follow your breath. What do you notice here now?

41:29Sage Robbins:Gently open your eyes whenever it feels comfortable.

41:36well you immediately just like drop a beat because when you're doing something like this you're on high alert right and you're trying to focus so much and then you just like step out for a second that's the quietest this office has ever been to thank god because i was wondering if they were gonna start screaming out there michael does this thing called saber tooth i made up the name everybody does it yeah but you really do it it's saber tooth means he's looking for the saber tooth tiger at all times because i i my theory is that his parents when he was little your your dad's really high sensory no no we had this guy doc amon on i don't know if you guys have met him and he said some people like actually he predicts i will maybe live longer because i'm on high no it's good it's a good thing i'm not trash maybe there's like if i see like if a car is coming i'll avoid it he's probably avoided my death a hundred times like i'm i'm like ichabod crane with like my head in a book so he's saber-toothed so i don't really have to like look yeah i don't have to look for anything she's like mr magoo you know mr magoo he's like somehow it works out for him he's like walking through construction sites i think that's good for both of us because i'm can be oblivious and distracted and you can be saber-toothed things so it's like brings you both down no but it's maybe me up and you down i see why you like that because it's it's nice to just stop and get quiet without any agenda for a second what did you experience lauren i experienced my breath felt shallow when i started it and then it got really i don't know what it's deep and also for me right now with pregnancy it's it's very nice to do something like that and slow down to

43:12Sage Robbins:slow down what else did you notice as you slowed down and as you connected to your breath what i I can feel my nervous system regulate and I can feel it pretty quick. I really like to meditate and I've noticed the benefits and to me, even for 60 seconds, it's really beneficial, especially with all the sensory overload from the lights to the phone to the interviews. Yes. And so that's, you asked, we began this conversation with how do you self-regulate? That's one of the ways that I find really, it's so quick because what I find is, you know, when I first began meditating, I would meditate in the morning, I'd bookend my day.

43:51Sage Robbins:So I'd meditate in the morning, meditate at night. But then there was, meditation is really, it's about awareness and noticing. And so I found that just like that one minute, like just that 60 seconds of gathering our energy back to this moment and as well back to the miracle. Because you know, the saber tooth tiger and all the things of doing and the lights and the interviews and everything, it's like, life's a miracle yeah life is the fact that we are alive that's a miracle and i woke up this morning my body's being breathed i did nothing for that we did nothing for that that blows my mind like it's like life itself is a miracle and i find the more that that presence has come to life and taken flight in my life i notice more grace i notice more because we're like you said taking a step down, more tuned in.

44:45Gabby Bernstein said something not similar, but kind of. I said, what's your meditation practice? And I wanted like the prescription of what it was. You said like you book in your day, whatever it is. And she said what you said. She said, I meditate all the time. I meditate all day. She said, whether it's taking a minute in the car or, you know, just stopping what I'm doing, even going to the bathroom and like just getting off your phone, like just she said she does it all day and she said that's really helped her and it takes the

45:14Sage Robbins:pressure off of the meditation yes and then when you don't they don't don't don't get me wrong i'm not meditative every moment yeah i'm not self-regulated every moment but that's a gift of life it's like when you're not it's it's like life saying hello you know what i mean your body our body offers so much information because it feels uncomfortable because you feel that resistance and that stress and where I used to tune that out or ignore that or push that aside, it only got bigger. It only got louder. And so self-regulation at such a, with our daughter, I look at her as four years old. And I think as we reflect that and model that, no matter what's happening for her, she blows my mind.

45:55Sage Robbins:She'll, you know, she'll catch her. For her, it looks like it's not so much the 60 seconds of grace but it's three breaths and catching her breath and she she like literally she calms herself and it's just so beautiful to see these practices come to life in that generation uh because i think i mean for myself i didn't recognize that a toddler or a three-year-old or two-year-old or a four-year-old uh could actually regulate themselves and uh god created us um wise incapable and no matter what age we are. So that's really quite remarkable. It's interesting. Like our son was throwing a tantrum. We do this with both our kids.

46:35Our son was throwing a tantrum the other day. And like once he's done at the end, I'm like, okay, take the big breaths. And he's like learning how to do it out of his nose. He's like, he's like doing this mouth and then he breathes. And it's interesting to watch them do that and fully change their state. I noticed a little, it's kind of manipulative trick to do to them is to say, okay, do three because you're three or three bites of eggs because you're three. So with the breath, I'll be like, you need to do three breaths because you're three.

47:03Sage Robbins:And they feel like it's their duty because they're three. Yes, that's beautiful. The age thing really comes in advantage. And my five-year-old, the same thing. The breath, I think you're so right. They can regulate themselves. They do. What I recognize is our daughter, she appreciates when I join her. so if she's really had a big wave or she's just had a tantrum tantrum i'll meet her where she's at i'll get down to where she's at and i'll say honey let's take a breath together i'm gonna breathe up to the moon where are you gonna breathe to and she'll be like the clock on the you know on the water i'm like okay that's perfect i'll join you and so we'll breathe to the clock or we'll breathe to the moon or we'll breathe to whatever and but that intimacy once again that closeness.

47:46Sage Robbins:Now she'll be like, can we breathe together? And so it's something that we do together. And also while she's doing it, I'm doing it. So we're both regulating. It's very smart. We're both regulating. How do you and Tony as well-known people think about raising a child? Like I, for my own self, want to know like what your boundaries are, how you guys think about bringing her up? Well, in a big, complicated, wonderful life, I think it's really more about simplicity. Yeah. It's the simplicity of values and the simplicity of, as well, rituals, I think, that reflect, that anchor that and reflect that.

48:30Sage Robbins:Whether it's coming together, it's like you can say to somebody, be thankful. It's like, what does that even mean? or we can demonstrate actually holding hands at dinner and and saying a prayer of gratitude i i think that i think our real uh the real gift is uh how we want our children to be is how we need to be because we're mirroring we're mirroring and they're learning not only from what we're teaching them but for how we are being and so i think the honesty of i'll say to our daughter i'll say honey do you know what mom just mom just needs to catch my breath and she'll say okay mom let's let's take a breath together i think that honesty of the realism that like life is happening and you know they're navigating their world we're navigating our world and i think it's an opportunity to reflect what catching ourself looks like what self-regulation looks like what beginning again looks like what love looks like you know they're learning from how we are relating and i think that example is it's not so much about what we're here to teach her i think it's more so the example that um we get to offer uh and if we miss you own it you tidy it up because then that teaches them a way to be in right relationship and to be like i'm sorry our daughter she'll so like apologize so naturally she'll be like I'm sorry with her little friends and I think it's so beautiful because we come from a generation where I'm sorry was I don't know it was not as frequent you're right true it wasn't it wasn't as frequent and I think that that's the book the book extreme ownership has a lot to do with that yes that's I might text you a picture of that book please do Anytime I need it.

50:22Yes, please do. What books, podcasts, content do you consume to be such a high performer?

50:31Sage Robbins:Such a high performer. Well, I'm kind of a weirdo. I like really old books, obscure books, spiritual books that were like written in the late 1800s or early 1900s. I love stuff like that. Tell us all of it. Well, let me tell you something that probably your listeners would more relate to. I have two people that I love and adore that are dear friends. I don't know if you're familiar with Byron Katie's work. No. Oh, she's a dear, dear friend and a dear sister on the path. She's extraordinary. She does a process called The Work, and it's a four-step process of inquiry. Her book is A Mind at Home with Itself, and it's such an extraordinary read.

51:08Sage Robbins:And then another beloved book that we pass out to all of our friends and many times as a Christmas gift is Michael Singer's book called The Untethered Soul. I love that book. Isn't it so beautiful? And it's also so powerful. I'll return many, many times and I'll just open it up and just read a page because it just offers so much. And his whole philosophy, which I really respect, is you just keep letting go. Because if you think about the notion of surrender, I remember as a younger version of myself, I'd be, I'm surrendered. I mean, I surrender all the time. And I don't even think I knew what it meant.

51:46Sage Robbins:And at this stage of my life, it's just surrendering the ego, you know, surrendering the clunky stuff, the arrogant patterns or the expectations or the blame or the demonization or whatever is just, it's surrendering that. It's surrendering what is no longer really needed because it only interferes with reality and it disconnects us from love. And that, I mean, that internal love, nevermind external love. I want to read, I feel like I've heard of Byron Katie. Oh, she's amazing. Yeah, I've heard her name, but I haven't consumed her content. Yes, she's really, it's wonderful. It's a very simple process.

52:24Sage Robbins:And, you know, if you look at what Tony does on stage, it's really, if he's ever in an intervention, he's asking questions. Because questions expand our perception. Huh. Questions expand our perception. You know, hers, Katie, is this true? Is this true? Is it true that he doesn't care about me? Is it true that she never listens to me? Is it true that he always judges me? And so you walk through and mind can come up with an answer really more so probably ego can come up with an answer really quickly. But when you put it on paper, it causes mind to slow down. And it's such a powerful tool for self-reflection.

53:04Out of all of the things that you've seen and you've seen some extraordinary things happen in front of you, I'm sure.

53:10Sage Robbins:Yes. What's been a transformation that you've seen happen in real time that's crazy to you? Oh, my word. I know that's a big question because you've seen a lot. So, so, so many. I never get tired of somebody who, I suppose, sees themselves in a moment. Yeah. And becomes aware. Becomes aware and then actually walks these steps. It's really, you know, my father was an AA. And when I think of the 12 steps, it's really, it's that path. It's a redemptive path of somebody admitting and being vulnerable and being open. I think there's, you know, defense and blame can be so common, but it's so beautiful to see a human being so ripped open by life and so willing to see themselves and to live differently, to live a kinder way.

54:06Sage Robbins:that is beautiful every single time and that never gets old because I and I think it's that mirror that reflection is just so relatable what are the hardest people for you guys to help if you're going to do a 500 ,000 women event yes what are the ones that are the tough apples I'd say the tough apples or maybe the ones who were dragged there that don't want to be there yeah because it's lacking you're lacking willingness yes louise hay used to say that she used to say like i will not take on a client that was gifted a session with me it has to be their idea same thing with aa right yes like it's very hard to help people that are not seeking help for themselves true what about people who are in their ego and how do you deal with that well it's not people that are in their ego because we're all in our ego right at times right you know what's ego it's just a fear mind it's a survival mind i mean maybe like uh there's an arrogance to them that's that's difficult yes well i suppose it's difficult i i for myself i i look to relate because i've been arrogant have you been arrogant yeah yeah we've all been arrogant right so in that righteous state and so i it would be more so relating to them, it's like, gosh, I know what it's like to feel like, oh my gosh, I need to know all the answers.

55:28Sage Robbins:I need to be so hypervigilant. I need to be the, what do you call it? The jaguar. What do you call it? Sabertooth. Sabertooth. No, I'm not the Sabertooth. I think there's one about to kill me. Yeah, he's looking for the Sabertooth. Okay, got it. Maybe if I thought of myself as a Sabertooth. But I find when we join people in that common ground, that's where we all meet, no matter where we come from, no matter whether we're educated, uneducated, whether we're poor, whether you're wealthy, whatever race, whatever religion, we all have this labyrinth of mind. We all have an ego. We all have a heart.

56:01Sage Robbins:And we know what it feels like to be out of coherence. We know what it feels like to feel like, and to feel at home inside of ourselves. And so in those circumstances, you just look to join somebody because I am you. You're me. We're not so different we come to different contexts you know different name but we're all human and we're all navigating this experience called life and it can be extraordinarily humbling uh and rather than their ego or their righteousness it's like okay shit i know what i know what that's like i've been her i've been him and i think that in that space it's disarming and i think it creates a safety where there's a willingness for individuals to open or not.

56:48Sage Robbins:It's up to each of us. Two fun ways I've been using my Taylor Farms chopped salad kits. The first thing I've been doing, thanks to my friend Emily, is tacos. So you can use the Avocado Ranch pre-chopped salad kit and you can make delicious crunchy tacos. So I did a bunch of ground beef. I did some cheddar cheese. I did some sliced tomatoes, some white onions, some jalapeno. And then I put the avocado ranch, Taylor Farms chopped salad kit on top of my taco. It was so delicious. I like a crunchy shell. I kind of like a Taco Bell inspired vibe. And it was perfect because everything was already chopped.

57:34There's no slicing. There's no leaving half a cabbage in your fridge. It was very much ideal. The other day I decided to make the La Scala Italian chopped salad recipe, which is so good. Go Google it online. It's like one of my favorite salads in LA. And what I did is I used the Mediterranean Crunch Taylor Farms chopped salad kit as a base. I added some garbanzo beans, some chopped chicken, a little bit of tomato. It was delicious. And essentially what Taylor Farms is doing is saving you time because it's chopped and ready to go. Grab a Taylor Farms chopped salad kit and get your salad together.

58:12They have sweet kale, Caesar, avocado ranch, and Mediterranean crunch. And if you're wondering, yes, the whole family loves them too. Taylor Farms chopped salad kit. Check them out. If you know anything about me, you know that I use red light therapy every single day. I usually use it while I'm meditating. I'm just like a huge fan of what it does. So let me tell you about Bond Charge. Bond Charge is a holistic wellness brand with a huge range of evidence-based products to optimize your life in every way. Everything's founded on science, but it's inspired by nature, which is really awesome. They have a whole line that helps you sleep better, perform better, have more energy, recover faster, balance hormones, reduce inflammation.

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1:01:19It can do the same for you right now. So if you're getting ready to move to that next place, you're looking to furnish your current place, Cort Furniture Rental has you covered. Build your own furniture rental package today at cort.com, that's C-O-R-T.com slash podcast. I am so obsessed with this brow peptide. I use it all day long. I use it in the morning. I use it to touch up my brows. I even use it at night. Why it's amazing is it's castor oil. Castor oil is what Egyptians used to use to grow their hair. and I added a peptide to it. So it's a little oomph. So many of these brow growth serums on the market are melting the fat around the eyes, which is so crazy.

1:01:58And this one is just non-toxic. I use it while pregnant and it just gives your brows this like glazed, useful look, almost like a feathered brow. It's so pretty. I caught Michael using it. That's how like clean it is, a guy can use it and it lifts your face. I use this after my skincare. So in the morning, I habit stack it onto all of my skincare. So I'll do everything. I'll put my caffeinated sunscreen on and then I'll just use the spoolie to go through my brows and brush them up. And like I said, it gives you like a wet lifted look. And then I also will use the little lash one. See how we have like a little lash situation at the bottom on top of my lashes before I go to bed after my skincare.

1:02:46You can touch up your brows with this. I sometimes even will use brow pencil. My makeup artists use it. I think this is my favorite Skinny Confidential product. I'm very, very proud of this and it works. It grows your brows because like I said, castor oil, Egyptians, telling you, you got to try this. I have one in every purse. You can't go wrong. You can subscribe on our site, shopskinnyconfidential.com, and it's delivered straight to your door. If you want to upgrade your beauty routine and upgrade your eyebrows and lift your face, you got to try the Skinny Confidential's Brow Peptide. What is the most powerful thing that you've taught Tony, if you had to guess, and what is the most powerful thing that he's taught you?

1:03:31Sage Robbins:Well, I'll share Tony's capacity to see, I don't know, Tony just loves people. He's such a lover of people and his capacity to find goodness in people only always. And he's that way on stage. He's that same guy off stage. And sometimes, you know, when I met him, you know, I always felt protective of me. He's a six foot seven man. Why did I need to feel protective of him? And maybe if we were going into business with somebody and if I felt uneasy or I wasn't certain about the person and I'd be like, like, I don't know. And he always, and they came in a package that mind would judge and I'm like, Tony, I don't know about this guy or I don't know about this woman.

1:04:11Sage Robbins:And he's really schooled me to be open. And if I did judge to be willing to give somebody a chance and to open myself to see something else, that's probably one of the greatest gifts that he has really bestowed is recognizing the universality and the goodness and the innocence in people. I mean, I can't speak for him. You'd have to ask him. I mean, you must bring all these different things to him he married you so what are the things that you feel ground i'd say i'd say being you know i'd say being i you know being comfortable being enjoying life enjoying in the senses of life and being here now you know he was always the guy that you know if we say if it was my birthday he would want to do the most grand gestures and i'm like hon like i just want to be with you yeah i actually like i want nothing i just i just want to be with you so i'd say the simplicity of being uh and in that space love uh love where he doesn't have to do anything he can just i i love his heart i love who he is and i think for him being seen for who he is not for what he was giving to me um i think that that was i mean he has shared that with me that's been life changing for him but I certainly can't speak for him so you'd have to ask him next time we're on your show that makes total sense though because his so much of his life is performing and I don't know if performing is the right word but showing up fully for others stage for others yes and it makes total sense to me that one of the reasons he's so attracted to you is he can just maybe be he can be I love the guy I love you know it's funny because like people say like who is he really and he is that guy.

1:06:01Sage Robbins:Tony Robbins is the guy that I marry. And then there's tone. We all have different aspects of self. And I think that that can be missed sometimes is that we all have many, many parts. And as much as I love Tony Robbins, I love tone. And he's the guy with his baseball cap on backwards. And he's goofy and playful and relaxed. And in that space where there's less effort um i enjoy that guy as well i enjoy and i have you know respect and admiration for who he is in both perspectives but i i would say that uh just the guy i just i i love his heart that's pretty cute let me be loin i let you be i do let you be but when it's time to give birth I need you to I get my game face on when it sounds better can we reset?

1:06:54we can reset

1:06:55Sage Robbins:and you were just gonna say I need you it would be meaningful something that Tony and I will say is honey it would be meaningful so Michael would be meaningful if what do you actually what is your want? I what I want and I think this you're the perfect person to say this to because you will understand I think it's hard when you work together and you have the switch on with work but then i'm in a moment right now where i need to taper off the work and concentrate on giving birth yeah so look at him right now tell him that so i need to give birth now after this episode can you just at least finish like the ads and then carson and what else do we have to do and we have to do a couple pictures i'm just No, I get it, but this is a perfect example of what I was saying.

1:07:49Sage Robbins:But just respond to her, Michael. Yes, I will. As a consideration. I think today's the last day, actually, that we should be doing. Because I'm crowning. Yeah, we've really stretched it to the limit. Literally stretched. I thought we were going to slow down a lot earlier. Literally, the baby could come at any second. The work switch is going to be off after this day. After the pickups, but yes. It would be meaningful. what i hear from her is it would be meaningful for her i don't want to put words in you but the wits the work switch if i can speak the work switch is off and to take a pause a space together a moment together i don't know dude like it's it's your life but that's what i feel in you is that you want to catch your breath before this little one comes they call it on instagram and tiktok soft girl era i think okay it's time like i've put in the work i'm not gonna try to understand you guys know priscilla knows what i'm talking about she's shaking her head it's a soft like i need to switch into my my feminine more yes and i think sometimes that's hard when you are working with your spouse because you are a lot as you know and you're masculine yes and when you want to turn that off and switch it and this is where it's hard to work together as a couple yes it's it's confusing i think sometimes because they're used to they're used to the masculine and and i don't I don't know if I'm articulating right.

1:09:14I think it's hard to switch it off and on and off and on in such short periods of time. Does that make sense? Yes, it does.

1:09:20Sage Robbins:And I'm flicking it like. And what makes you access? What nourishes that part of you? Do you even know that? I think motherhood and being at home and homemaking and being in my house. And I think I'm about to go into that like nesting phase that you go into. And I want, you can flicker your switch a little. Yeah. No, I think it's time. Isn't this so serendipitous that you came on the show when this all happened? It's like the perfect person to talk to. It's perfect timing for me, to be honest. It was getting a little rocky there for me for a second. I saved our marriage. I don't think so. You two are beautiful.

1:09:58I think Tony helped us. You know, doing this show. It's like therapy. In a weird way. We don't do couples therapy. We just do the show. I think it's very important for people to think about that. But the reason we don't is we get the benefit of talking about these kind of things with people like yourself so regularly. This show, in a weird way, has been very therapeutic because we spend hours and hours together talking about things with people about these kind of issues. It's weird. You were the perfect energy to come on the show today. Wow. That was guided. Thank you. Just hang around for like the next couple of weeks.

1:10:27I have some rapid fire questions. Okay, sure. Go for it. And then I want to hear all about the summit that everyone can do. She's unstoppable. These are rapid fire questions. Okay. What would your 80-year-old self thank you for today?

1:10:40Sage Robbins:For letting go. For letting go of what's no longer needed and for becoming more self-reflective rather than self-absorbed. Ooh, that's a good one. What's one truth that you wish every woman could fully embody? That we don't have to choose. That life gives us the experience that we can be all of it. That I don't know so much. It's about being equal to. I think there's the beauty and the gift of being different and exploring all of our many facets of self. And I think in that life is never, you know, we've never really arrived. We get to keep iterating. And I think that that's really fascinating and beautiful.

1:11:22Sage Robbins:So I look at that with our daughter and I'm like, honey, it's not just like you can do anything, but you can also be. And there's a space to feel it all, express it all, live it all, taste it all. Life is just meant to be experienced. And I think that that's very freeing. I think that that's very freeing. Multifaceted. True. How do you personally define emotional safety in today's world? Emotional safety. Define what that means to you. Emotional safety to me personally is keeping a regulated nervous system and feeling balanced mentally and emotionally. Yes. I'm very aligned with that. I think sometimes when you describe it that way, a lot of people can look at emotional safety as, you know, don't trigger me or don't say this or don't do that.

1:12:08Sage Robbins:And that can get wonky because then once again, I'm wanting this person to behave different than what they are. Like laser tag. Or a lot of people to behave that way, especially if you're on the internet. It's weird. You're counting on a mass of the population to behave in a certain way that you want them to, and it's not realistic. But I think emotional safety is about being what's most authentic and what's true for you in the moment and allowing emotion. It has a life of its own. And I think sometimes we can demonize what's coming up, but it's coming up to be understood. It's coming up to be lived.

1:12:41Sage Robbins:And I think it's not even safe, but I think it's just natural. The other night, you know, I was with my family and a dear beloved family of mine is navigating dementia. You know, it was humbling and it was beautiful and it was painful and I went to bed that night and I and I got up and I was brushing my teeth and I don't know I I cried in a way that I haven't in a very long time and I just noticed and it wasn't like dramatic crying a younger version of myself I was crying oh this happy you know what I mean the external of this it was just I don't know it felt raw it felt primal it felt instinctive it just moved through me and and that is was self-regulating like I I don't know I had compassion for me uh for my family member for the whole experience and it was just it felt honest and it felt true

1:13:38I think that why dementia is so hard too is because you probably feel not emotionally safe

1:13:47Sage Robbins:true I think what I recognize about the pattern of it is or the disease of it is that your world shrinks and things become scarier yeah you know because it's it's one foot in reality and but yet I also see not so different than you and I I can fall asleep I can be crazy in my mind it's just life with maybe a little bit less of a middle ground I suppose or the capacity to self-regulate and so with that it just invokes an incredible amount of compassion. I also imagine there's a little bit of a mourning element to it at least that's what it was for me and my grandmother because you kind of the person is still there physically but parts of them are gone or leaving if that makes sense.

1:14:34Sage Robbins:Or just just different yeah and so but what I really noticed too is it's really it's such a an amazing opportunity to practice our own self-regulation so that for myself that i can just all i want to be is connected and to show up and be the best version most connected and understanding and accepting and not personalizing it's not about me it's it's it's about holding space for this individual if it really does feel unsafe i think it's the sane and the kind thing to do to love them. It sounds like you're doing a really good job at that. Well, hey, you do the best you can. You said earlier, you said, and this lends to this question, you said, you said, I just want to make sure I can write it down.

1:15:19You said, change expectation for appreciation. Yes, that's Tony's. That's not mine. You can rebrand it. You're his wife. You created She's Unstoppable for Women Who Are Feeling burnt out or disconnected which i think is genius because so many yes or burnt out or disconnected

1:15:37Sage Robbins:or just having a hunger to connect with the most authentic version with their our true nature and you know it's interesting because you know she's unstoppable it's like i i leave the team went back and forth and i was like you know i want to stop sometimes so you know but it's it's not the doing it's more about the being there's a force that's guided all three of us to be in this room right now. Yeah. That's that's powerful. And this summit's really about tapping into that force, about tapping into our nature, about freeing what's no longer serving us and living a life, a kinder way, a truer way, a more fulfilling way.

1:16:13So if a woman who's listening wants to come to this event, what what do you personally hope that they walk away with?

1:16:19Sage Robbins:That they walk away with feeling free, that they walk away with knowing how to self-regulate themselves, that they know how to free themselves that that who they are is beautiful perfect and whole and i think that's part of it is just falling in love with the beautiful gift of being a woman i i love everything about being a woman and uh and i also see that i think there's common challenges and opportunities for us and we all meet in that uh and so i think having more that we can connect to having an understanding uh and recognizing that yes i am this i am that i do this i do that and hey what about her you should call it he just doesn't understand he just doesn't get it he's clueless

1:17:06rebrand it i can rebrand it i have a lot of ideas i'm sure you do let me pull out my poster board he literally has no idea you could do that event he's delusional what are we talking about now who what who are you let's wait what do i say let's reset let's reset let's reset start over these tools have been amazing in all seriousness i'm not joking these tools have been amazing especially for me because i can run hot i'm hormonal right now and i actually am going to use the sage robbins techniques and i think they're going to work i'm putting it out there in the ether i'm certain they'll work whatever whatever if it's as long as it's different than the first approach i think we're going to be heading the right direction do you know what i notice about

1:17:50Sage Robbins:you both is even though you know maybe in moments you drive each other crazy i really feel and see a lot of love oh we have a lot of love and he makes you even when he's talking and sometimes you're maybe like giving him shit a little you're also smiling and you really love this man and you really love her and that's utterly evident and palpable and apparent between the two of you well that's very nice you said you know what's funny is like she's a total pain in my ass but i I'm a total pain in Tony's ass. I still am. You guys like it though. What do you want? No pain in your ass? But I think this is important for anyone that's getting into a relationship.

1:18:25I wouldn't change anything about her. Sometimes people see our banter because maybe it wouldn't be their banter. But I'm like, this is what I felt and who I fell in love with. So it's like, listen, every relationship has room for improvement, but I don't get upset by this because what I think is a mistake in a relationship is you fall in love with someone and then you spend the entire time trying to change the person you fell in love with but that that doesn't work i also think when and you've been together 25 years so you can relate to this it's like you know the line i've known him since i was 12 i know the line of how far we can go and so the internet they get mad they're like oh she heckles him or what i'm like no we we we know the line yeah it was like that it was like that dave chappelle charlie murphy skit when he plays rick james and he's like rick james is a habitual line stepper like she's a habitual step i take a toe and i put it over the line

1:19:13Sage Robbins:but it doesn't touch the other side I hope I got that one I think that's Carson that's the Rick James that's actually a really great metaphor Tony always says he's like honey he says I stand on stage with 10 ,000 people and they prepared me for dealing with you so yes I'm no cakewalk but you find you keep it fun you do life is you need some color okay She's Unstoppable a free three day experience tell us where we can sign up I want to reiterate it's free which is so amazing Yes. And it's only two hours a day. It's she's unstoppable summit.com. Amazing. We will link it all out in the show notes.

1:19:49Everybody. At Sage Robbins. Next time you guys have to come on together, we'll get a bigger couch for six foot seven. You might need it. And we'll do a him and her. And you guys can do therapy on us. I don't think you need it. You guys can do therapy on us. We enjoy talking to you. Thank you so much for coming. And thank you for making the trip out here. Thank you.

1:20:08Sage Robbins:It's been a real gift. You guys are beautiful. I've enjoyed you. Thank you.