Valerie Bertinelli On Overcoming Trauma, Letting Go Of Shame, & How To Practice Self-Love

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24:30That's D-O-S-E-D-A-I-L-Y dot C-O slash skinny for 35 % off your first month subscription. Do all of you guys understand how powerful you are in the media at this age? Or did you guys have no context of it? Because you guys, that's a powerful group of people. No. No idea? Yeah. No. That's crazy. No. Well, there wasn't the internet. There wasn't anything. There was Teen Beat and Tiger Beat. I remember Tiger Beat. Yeah. And that, I mean, I mean, I was already getting attention because of my show. And then Ed was getting attention because he's so brilliant.

25:06Michael Bosstick:He's probably one of the greatest guitar players of all time in the history of the world. Yeah. I mean, he started things that no guitarists were doing. I found out about Ed through Valerie. He probably has one of the top five. I mean, I knew his name, but like, that's how, if you were to ask who that is to me, I would say it's Valerie Bertinelli's ex-husband. When they study, watch, in the future when they study. Now he's Wolfie Van Halen's dad. The greatest guitar solas of all time, I guarantee he will have one of the top five. I agree. In your books, there seems like you have a really fond, loving energy around him.

25:43Yeah. It feels like. I met him when I was 20. Yeah. And he was, he was 25. we grew up together we got married far too young but i don't know how else we would have done it our lives were insane we waited 10 years to have wolfie we went through a lot in those 10 years basically the 80s which i don't remember too much of between the drugs and the alcohol it was fun you know what i'm not gonna lie it was a lot of fun it was a lot of yeah but i would never i would not do it again i've done it i don't need to do it anymore i what was your question sorry the drugs just hit me. No, it seems like you just have a lot of love.

26:19What is it like trying to manage a

26:21Michael Bosstick:relationship with your profile and his profile at that time in the 80s and stay connected and not just have it go off the rails? I imagine that was a lot. Oh, it went off the rails all the time. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we were both doing drugs. We were both drinking far too much. And then I stopped drinking and doing drugs. I stopped doing drugs. I was still drinking. And he kept doing the drugs. And I was like, you got to go to rehab. And it's just like, who am I to whatever? But Neither one of us dealt with any of our traumas that we were much closer to then. And he went through a very traumatic childhood.

26:54So as long as we're not dealing with those, we're going to use drugs and alcohol. And for me, it was also food to numb any feelings. We just didn't feel like feeling because we didn't want to hear the information because it was too painful. So now that I know all this, I feel like, and near the end of his life, I could be much more compassionate. Because, first of all, I love him dearly. and this is to not say anything against his second wife or my second husband i just love the father of my son that i knew since i was 20 i didn't i knew that we would never be intimate again even if had he lived but he would always be one of my dearest friends because he's just he was ed he was just a huge part of my life i can understand that i've known michael since he was 12 and i can totally wow so you get it i i get i totally get what you're saying because

27:42Michael Bosstick:Because we got back together when we were 20. But also, I think when you have a child with someone and then you don't have a child with whoever else you date or you marry, you're never going to have all the firsts that you have. There's a connection. There's just a connection. You can't take it away. No. It just is what it is. And I would much rather feel this way about Wolfie's father than I would hating him. I know. And how lucky is Wolfie that he has you to give fond memories? Hopefully. I mean, we've gone through some tough spots. A lot of tough. The three of us went to therapy together for at least a year so Wolfie could get heard.

28:18And this was like a little bit after our divorce. And I think it was helpful. I hope. I mean, it sounds helpful. Yeah. You also have opened up about your weight loss journeys. And in this book, you said you don't, and I'll let you say, you don't lose weight anymore. Release it. You release it. Right. Why? Why? Because I'm not here. I feel like I did a lot of damage by being the spokesperson for a company that sold weight loss. And I think it's a billion dollar industry that is dangerous because I think everybody's individual journey is much more important to talk about. I think unless and until you deal with the emotions that are like helping you to use alcohol or drugs or food as a process to avoid feelings and numb your feelings.

29:12You're not going to get to the real heart of why you're gaining weight or why you're using food to just not feel your feelings. And so I'm not here to tell anybody how to lose weight. I know that as soon as I started really dealing with the trauma in my life that the weight would release because I wanted to I wanted to be better to myself I wanted to feed myself better I wanted to we all know what foods are good for us and how they're going to help us in the diet but I don't want to be obsessed with that anymore because I'm probably the biggest I've been I don't know I was how much I don't even know how much I actually weigh but I was at least 20 pounds smaller when I was the spokesman for a weight loss company and I actually appreciate my body now than I more than I did then because it was too hard to stay there that was that was just me you know white knuckling it so that I could be a good spokesperson for a diet company and I'm I'm not going to white knuckle it anymore I'm going to go up and down and wait I have a you You know, I have a couple different sizes of jeans in my closet and I'm not embarrassed by it.

30:22You posted a selfie that you said people went like wild. Basically, my underwear looked like a bikini. So I didn't understand. I was trying to show. You looked hot. Thank you. Yeah, you looked hot. Thank you. Well, I was trying to show that I have wrinkles here and I have stuff here and here and it's normal. I mean, I have even more now because I'm getting older. That was a couple years ago. But like it's just a body. And I'm more proud of my body for getting me up the stairs. I want to be around to hold my grandchild one day when I'm lucky enough to have one. I want to work on my upper body right now, not because I want great arms, but because I want to be able to lift my carry-on to the overhead compartment.

31:09And it's getting harder. So I need to do a little bit more weight work. I want to work on my body so that I can move more easily in the world, not because I want to look better.

31:19Michael Bosstick:I think about this a lot is being physically able and fit and doing those things. You will then probably be less stressed about what you're talking about and likely actually end up where you want to be. Right. But you get to feel better and live better. Right. And just be healthy. Right. Right. With a healthy attitude as well. Yeah. I think there's a lot of people listening that are at different stages in their love life. and you were really open about your love life and you kind of said that in the book that you didn't know if you wanted to have another chapter in love. I still don't. And then you saw James.

31:54And James is the lead singer of Metallica. Hetfield? Hot. I see how I didn't... I wasn't going to tell you this. I screenshot it. So you see the lead singer of Metallica. And meet him. And you get a little goose bump. I did. And before this, and let me...

32:13Michael Bosstick:My God, between Van Halen and Metallica. Well, Wolfie opened for Metallica for two years. So I ran into James a lot. That's got to be one of the coolest things ever. Oh, James. Oh, James. He's such a sweet, sweet man. And let's be very clear, he has a gorgeous, beautiful girlfriend. You said that. You said that. I wasn't about taking his girlfriend or trying to get him to date me. It was what happened to me was I thought I was dead inside. I really did because I thought I'm never going to date again. I am going to get more cats and I'm going to grow old and not give a shit. And I was just angry and I was hurt.

32:45And that was the first time it's like, oh, I still have my pilot light. It's still lit. Okay. So I can find men attractive. I'm not dead. Thank God. Now what's happening is I don't know because I don't even know how to go about finding anybody out there. And I'm not looking. A bookstore.

33:06Michael Bosstick:So wait, hold on. Pause for a second. pause for one quick like billy crystal are you a personal fan of heavy rock and heavy metal i'm a personal fan of mammoth my son's band okay but do you love it you listen i not only love it i listen to it all the time yeah it's basically taylor swift and wolfie okay because as you're taught i mean not to paint a picture and we're just meeting but you tend to maybe seem to have a type of a guy that you go out not really which is interesting because if you look through james and Ed look nothing like. No, but they're both. And my second husband looks nothing like both of them.

33:42I don't have a physical type.

33:44Michael Bosstick:But you're not, like you don't listen to Master of Puppets and like that's a good album. Let me see this James character. Let me see. I don't know what James looks like. Because like if I put on heavy music for Lauren, you will turn it off in two seconds. That's wrong. Well, listen, you know what? But I'm with Lauren on this one. I can't listen to it all the time. Now, at a live concert, it's mesmerizing, especially when you go to see a Twitty concert. I've never been to a live concert. you've never taken me to one i'll take you we danced at our wedding to nothing else matters the frequency is pretty well that's a softer song wait this james is no listen when i was hot so i had a little like crush on him for like a millisecond and then i was like oh i was more grateful that i got that little millisecond crush oh he's so hot on stage that i was like oh okay i'm not dead now i can actually see if i could actually date somebody when i was a kid the first so Ozzy died this year.

34:37Michael Bosstick:I know. And I was like depressed because I realized what it was was when I was like 11, 12 years old and trying to figure out myself, I learned, I figured out Black Sabbath and then that led me to Van Halen and then ultimately to Metallica. And what I realized is like, I think depending on when you find music in your life, it will kind of like propel you throughout the rest of your life. And so some of these characters are like... Yeah, I think you're right because I started off loving elton john and linda ronstadt and now i and then i loved van halen because i i knew something about the people in it and if i know something about the people in the band it i'm more towards enjoying it but i'm like i'm a die-hard swifty and i'm a die-hard mammoth well i think music is as close as you can get to immortality because it's some it can live on put your body on a different frequency and that's why i do sometimes in the morning if my cats are feeling a little crazy i'll put on bird tv and i'll put on solfeggio music and i'll do a certain hertz so that you know they kind of like chill out and they don't have any anxiety we love hertz yeah you wrote about hertz you also love the bird song i take my son and his character his little stroller and he loves the bird song because they they're all singing to us yeah it's it's good the frequency he's gonna love heavy metal yes he will what was it like for you to have experienced everything with eddie and And then you have a son who's got this talent too.

36:02Is that wild? Yeah. Yeah. Because I'm still, like, my jaw drops when I watch Wolfie on stage. He's just phenomenal. And, like, some of my favorite moments are sitting in 5150 watching Wolfie create his records with his team. He's, it's just, like, that's my son. Is it genetic? It could be, but I don't, because Wolfie works his ass off. I mean, he's probably got about 10 ,000 hours under him. I mean, I don't know, but he's been doing this for almost 20 years. So he's got a lot of hours under him of playing music, starting on drums when he was eight or nine, and then moving to guitar. He wanted to learn.

36:44He had Ed teach him a song for sixth grade step up. And Ed just was like his eye. Ed's eyes always sparkled when Wolfie wanted to learn something. and then he learned bass so they could play with van halen because his dad wanted to i mean getting his dad to play again and and find joy in playing only wolfie could have done that

37:04Michael Bosstick:and and oh that's interesting that's the reason he went back and started with ed never would have toured again if it wasn't for wolfie wow at all and so we got three extra tours and i think an album or two out of all of that because ed so enjoyed i mean i remember when i was pregnant and we didn't know whether it was a boy or a girl. And he was like, I don't care what it is, as long as they can play music, I just want to play with this kid. And he was in heaven. Do you remember what you guys did to cultivate the talent? Was Eddie playing in front of Wolfie when he was little? Ed never stopped.

37:36There was guitars against almost every wall. There was a piano in the living room. There was 5150, which is right up the hill. So Uncle Al's drum set was set up there all the time. so Wolfie had and then we got his him his own drum set so he had musical instruments all around from the time he was little he had this little tiny red piano you know those cute little kids pianos yeah he had that and he plunked out his very first song on that when he was like just a I don't know six and then you're also a performer too so it's like you mix it together and what do you got you got Wolfie when it's opening for Metallica is a very good actor like I I mean I I kid you not, like people are missing something like he's so funny.

38:18He's he would be great at acting as well. But he's like got this music thing figured out, too. How come you connected so much with Drew Barrymore? She's like a kindred spirit. She is exactly what you see is what you get. She is one of those people that are so rare in that they just don't judge somebody. She literally does not judge anybody for anything. she just will hear their story and understand it and that's so rare i mean i'm the first time i went to therapy it's like i just don't want to be so judgy anymore just stop me from being angry and i don't want to judge people and i still have a hard time to this day but i try to remember the way drew is and just to have an open mind and open ears and just let people be who they are unless they're hurting somebody if they're not hurting anybody why do i care what they're doing in their life?

39:11Why do I care how they're dieting if they're not hurting anybody? Why do I care how they're navigating their life if they're not hurting anybody?

39:20Michael Bosstick:For people who seek careers in the public eye, what are some things you would caution them against? Don't believe the good and don't believe the bad. Don't believe any press because none of it, you must find your center in yourself and you must ground yourself. And I didn't learn that until the last few years that I was not going to amount to really anything emotionally until I let go of how people perceived me. Now I can watch somebody literally write months and months of lies about me and be like, oh, isn't that interesting? It doesn't change who I am though. It's just their perception of me.

39:56It doesn't mean it's true. It just means that they feel like telling people that I'm a shitty person, but that's not who I am.

40:02Michael Bosstick:And in the past, what would that do to you? I'd be devastated. I'd be fighting. I'd be like trying to argue with people that, you know, and try to defend myself. I don't need to defend myself. I'm just, I'm not that. Why would I defend myself over something that doesn't make any sense to me? That's liberating for you. Oh, it's so liberating. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not a good cook. I'm not a cook. I bet you're better than you think you are. No. No, I'm not. You always want your husband to be honest. He's always on. There's a thousand talents. I can make a good sandwich. Don't not lie. The best sandwich you've ever had.

40:38Michael Bosstick:Oh, girl, that's huge. That's huge. A good sandwich is not easy. Come on. A good sandwich is not. You make a great sandwich. The trick to a good sandwich is pepperoncinis. Is that right? Yes, pepperoncinis. Yes. Once you can say it right. And sourdough lightly toasted with a little bit of mayo. A little bit of mustard. You can't have all the talents, Lauren. You're amazing at a thousand things cooking. Maybe you could be if you worked on it. Well, this is Valerie's the perfect person to ask. so you had a cooking show cookbooks all the things and even in one of your books I can't remember which one you would put recipes in it which one was that one why we read it I believe that was enough already okay yeah but there was I have three new cooking shows now that I have on my own at Valerie's place so I can go on and I can watch you cook and you'll teach me yep what's a recipe that we can start with if we're not great in the kitchen I would go Italian okay anything Italian is so easy.

41:29Like I would do like a roasted broccoli pasta or I would do just an arrabbiata or I would do like a vodka sauce. You know what used to get me hungry in your books? The jalapeno poppers. They're very easy. They're so easy. Do you make them or did you buy them? Okay. I used to buy them and eat them by far too many. I would just like buy boxes and they're so good. They're so really good. They're so good. But now I make my own because you can make them without being breaded and they're just, it's just cream cheese and cheddar cheese or jalapeno cheese, cheddar jack and you wrap it in bacon and you just put it in a toaster oven.

42:06Yes, you do. I had a friend, I'll tell you why. I'm not a glove person. No, you have to. I'll tell you why. You will burn your eyes, you will burn your nose, you will burn your lips if you touch your eyes.

42:15Michael Bosstick:I had a friend who was trying to impress a girl and he made jalapeno poppers by hand and they ended up going and getting intimate later. He finger-manged her. No, don't say it like that. And it was, it was a disaster. Yeah, it would be out. And everybody was burning down below and she was totally creeped out and it was a total disaster. I'm sorry. Well, it didn't happen to me. But I was saying, if you're going to do that, Lauren, then wear the gloves. Yes, please wear the gloves. You don't want to do that. You discussed being at the Beverly Hills Hotel, having a McCarthy$50 salad and you got menopause, your first hot flash.

42:52If someone's listening and they're going to go through menopause, they're about to go through it, What is your tips, tricks? Don't let it scare you. It's just, there's just, ride it. You can't do anything but ride it. There's nothing you can take? No, I tried hormone replacement. I tried all that stuff. It didn't work for me. Again, everybody's different. It didn't work for me. And I thought, okay, a hundred some odd years ago, women went through this and they just, you know, white knuckled it. I can white knuckle it. I'm really good at white knuckling shit. This episode is brought to you by Taylor Farms.

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44:44If I can do it, you can too. Grab a Taylor Farms chopped salad kit and get your salad together. If something can elevate my day and make me feel more aligned, I'm in. And I have been driving with my kids a lot in the cars to pick up, to activities, to the dentist. Our dentist is two hours away, which we'll get to in an episode soon. But when I'm driving, I always stop by Starbucks. And my specific order, because you know I'm going to give it to you is the new iced lavender cream matcha. Oh my God. It's so good. It's like smooth topped with this subtle lavender cold foam. It just feels chic, elevated, floral, fresh.

45:25And honestly, I feel like it's like spring in a cup. I am so in love with this. I actually text my friend the other day and I was like, you have to try it. It's also so pretty. The best part to me about Starbucks is that you can customize what you want. So I can adjust the sweetness or change the milk to really make it my own. And the sweetness, I like to make very, very light. I like it to feel like refreshing. So it still tastes amazing. It just feels more refined and intentional. I recommended this drink too to some of the girls on our team and they all loved it. It's perfectly balanced and I have no notes and that's rare.

46:01You go in Starbucks and you create It's something that feels completely your own and personalized. And for me with Starbucks, I make it work for my routine and I customize my order. You can customize and edit as you please. That's what I love about Starbucks. So this spring, find your flavor and make Starbucks part of your ritual. And definitely check out the new iced lavender cream matcha. Oh my gosh, I'm obsessed.

46:24Michael Bosstick:Let's talk about granola AI. So many of us are stuck in back-to-back meetings all day long on these screens. If you guys know what I'm talking about and know the struggle, you're nodding along, you're contributing, you're trying to stay present, and it's an absolute disaster because in the back of your mind, you're secretly stress controlling your memory for what was just said or who's supposed to follow up on what. I know I am. So what is Granola? Granola is an AI-powered notepad built for the way real people actually meet. Here's how it works. You take rough notes like you normally would, and in the background, Granola securely transcribes the meeting.

46:54Michael Bosstick:Then it turns everything into clean, structured, actually useful notes when the meeting ends. This is such a productive tool for anyone who wants better notes after meetings, who wants to stay on top of their tasks, who wants to be more productive. And as we move into the AI generation, it's a great tool to start getting familiar with AI and how to use it to make your life more productive. And the best part, Granola works through your device's audio, which means it integrates seamlessly into the video conferencing tools you already use. No setup, no awkward bots. It's just your normal meeting with superpowers.

47:21Michael Bosstick:You get to actually listen instead of frantically typing every word and still walk away knowing exactly what was decided, who's doing what, and what comes next. I love how this saves time. I personally love to take notes and then reflect, but it's a mess because I'm trying to listen at the same time. So many of us forget things and we're going back and forth. I also don't like being in meetings where it makes it look like I'm not paying attention or I'm distracted, especially on screens, because people notice those things and matter. So with granola, I know I can pick it up whenever I need it and it's going to be organized and it's going to help me be more productive.

47:49Michael Bosstick:So check them out. If meetings are eating up your day, granola is a no-brainer. You can try it totally free for three months. Just head to granola.ai slash skinny. That's granola.ai slash skinny to get your time back. Get three months free at granola.ai slash skinny. Introducing the Skinny Confidential Ice Roller. Reimagined. Think sleeker lines, a softer pink, a custom buttery dust bag, and a silver roller, not pink anymore, that is ice cold. I wanted to do a zhuzh on the iconic ice roller. I wanted to update it. This ice roller for me has always been more than just a tool. It's about helping us de-puff and sculpt and calm the skin in a way that feels intentional and I wanted the ice roller to feel evolved.

48:41It's changed. You've changed. So yes the new gorgeous stunning beautiful ice roller is still going to do the same things. It reduces puffiness and redness in your face. I used it this morning before I put on my makeup. It definitely helps with the under eye bags. Of course, it helps boost circulation and radiance. I just feel like it really helps stimulate blood flow and gives me that tighter, more radiant skin. And then it also is known to give you a smoother, tighter looking skin. So what I like to do is I like to combine facial massage with cold therapy. and this really helps give you a really nice foundation before you even apply your skincare.

49:19This ice roller for me is a full circle moment. I think that a lot of you bought the ice roller you know five six years ago when we launched it and now I am launching something that feels more in alignment with where you're at. It's so beautiful you guys like it's just softer and more effortless in every way and I really put my own touches on every single little step from the packaging to the colors to how it feels to even the roller. It's all been elevated just for you. So the ritual, the Lauren ritual is you do cold therapy to help fight inflammation. You roll it, you glide it across your face.

50:00I put it on my jawline, my neck, I roll it down. Your skin is just going to appear smoother and tighter before you go in for the kill with the skincare and the makeup. Don't skip the cold therapy. The new ice roller is an upgrade designed to meet the standards of today. And I hope you guys love it as much as I do. This is the beauty tool that started it all redesigned to evolve with you. I'm showing it on YouTube too. If you're on YouTube, if you're seeing me visually, get it while it's hot at shop skinny confidential.com. That's ShopSkinnyConfidential.com. How does someone date you? What if someone's listening and they want to date you?

50:36Oh, God, it just scared the shit out of me. Oh. How do we date you? What if someone wants to date you? I'll go on a date with you. Look out, Michael. You're a little too young for me, though. A little too young. Yes, yes. I have parameters. They can't be younger than, let's see, I'm going to be 66. So 56. They can't be younger than 56. Okay. And they can't be older than 76. In your book, you have a specific description. It's a very high screenshot. Yeah, I want somebody that calms me, that reciprocates what I give. I like the idea of a big, burly guy with a beard and... A guitar? I don't know if I could do a musician again.

51:19Really? Been there, done that. Okay, checked it off the list. Yeah. You got it. Yeah. I think you covered it. Yeah. You did it at the top levels. It would be nice if he had a job. because I've dated men without jobs and that's not fun. And I'm not here to judge. Drew would say she'll take anybody. I'm like, after what I've been through and the amount of money that I've had to put out, please have a job. Yeah, you need a job. Or at least a retirement fund. Well, I think it's not just about the money. It's about showing that you're waking up and doing something and being useful every day. Right.

51:50And yeah, because you could be going and working at pro bono law firm. Or you could be anything. just do something with your life what what do you find what do you find interesting in your life when you have interests i want to know what your interests are it gives us something to talk about like what what do you do for fun what what do you do that that confuses you that that that what do you do that challenges you i just want interesting people and i want i don't want to be stressed like don't stress me out and please communicate this is a unicorn yeah i know which is why i probably won't be dating don't stress you out wait because i mean it's looks it's pretty hard to stress me out i let a lot of shit roll off my back okay and but just be nice like if you can't be nice to me or if you can't like i'd like flowers send me flowers we like i dated a guy that never once sent me flowers no no no no that's a bit of a red flag you know we went really broad

52:43Michael Bosstick:and this has gotten very specific as we've has hasn't it women like flowers i don't know why I do. I love flowers. I'd like them once a week. But surprise her. I just sent you flowers. That was Valentine's Day. That doesn't count. Yeah, Valentine's Day doesn't count. It doesn't count. You know what? It doesn't count, but if you don't do it, oh my God. You know what happens if you don't do it on Valentine's? No, no. You still have to do Valentine's Day, but that doesn't count. You should get flowers the next day too. It's like Monopoly when you pass, go, and you collect the 200. It doesn't mean you just - Exactly.

53:12No, you have to do it on Valentine's Day.

53:14Michael Bosstick:And if not, you go straight to jail. Straight to jail. Exactly. You talked about the six stages of loving yourself. Is this your sort of mission statement or is it something that you learned from someone? Is it something that you apply that you share with everyone? It's just things that I thought, okay, I've done this, I've done this, I've done this. Those don't work. So now it's time to really dig in and get gritty and figure out why it is that I allow the shit that I allow. From myself too. It all starts in my own head. So if I'm speaking unkindly about myself, it doesn't sound odd when someone speaks unkindly to me.

53:49It's like, oh, yeah, I get it. I wanted to kill your friend that said on the walk something about like. I know. Your thighs. Yeah. But I was able to now, now I can laugh about it. And I can wear those same pants and go, what an asshole. You know? I was like, cut. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Cut that front. Yeah, they're not in my life. No, listen to the birds. You don't need to listen to that. Yeah, yeah. And the sound makes me laugh. I mean, who has gap thigh? Thigh gap. Thigh gap. What do they call it? Hot dog legs? What? Hot dog legs. Yeah. I mean, God bless you if you do, but not many women are built that way.

54:25At this moment, I don't have a hot dog legs after three kids. Yeah. But I bet your legs are hot. I bet they're gorgeous. I don't know if I would want... Michael, this is where you say yum, honey. Your legs are fucking hot. Hold on, Michael. Hold on.

54:38Michael Bosstick:I don't know if I would want you to have hot dog legs. That doesn't sound so... No, you don't want her to have hot dog legs. You want the leg she has right now today. Listen, I love, we're on a third kid for a reason. Well done. What does spirituality look like to you? You talked about my favorite person in the world, Louise Hay. I could not believe you opened your book with her quote. Right, because that got me through some really scary shit. Every time someone comes on the podcast and they are looking for something, they're like, you got to read, you can heal your life. I feel like a preacher.

55:08Mine is yellowed. I've had it for so long. Yes. All is well. everything is happening for my highest good and even in this situation only good will come i am safe you kind of almost sound like her oh i love her i love her she's and she was so before her time so before her time what i like most about her specifically is there was no pedestal that she put her on to be your guru she was like and she infused you with energy that you can be your own guru and that is so different as we've seen with a lot of these gurus are not so guru some of them have to be on a list that just got released yeah trust your instincts that's another thing i've learned big time in the last two years i will trust my instincts if i think it's a red

55:51Michael Bosstick:flag it is a red flag you know it's it's it's weird because in this i guess like if there it's a circle back to like the entertainment hollywood like some you're sometimes what you see is not always what you get. And sometimes what you see is exactly what you get, like Drew Barrymore. Yeah, that's true too. Which is refreshing. That's true too. So how do you think about spirituality now at this point, after everything you've been through, after all the books that you've written, you've had such a full life, what's your energy on spirituality? Making a connection with some sort of higher power, universe, God, whatever you want to call it.

56:28I was raised a Catholic. I don't necessarily believe in organized religion i think it's used more as a power play as opposed to someone really because if you can't ask questions of your religion then something it's about power and it's not about really finding a better way to for lack of a better word behaving in life like you don't want to behave but you just want to be your best possible version of who you are your highest version so that you can then treat others with pure kindness and hope to receive that back. So in doing that, it's just looking for the goodness, the positivity in the world because it's always there.

57:09Finding the gratitude. It's always there, even in our worst times. Like the Louise Hay quote that I said, I was on the ground sobbing and I was just like, her words came into my, like, all is well. This is all going to work out for my higher good. This is all going to, I'm okay. I'm safe. Nothing's hurting me. It's just emotions. They're scary right now, but it's just finding that peace within us that is all of us. We are all connected. In some way, it's all energy. And that energy is what you put out in the world. And the more positive energy you put out in the world, the more positive energy there is in the world.

57:48And we can hopefully negate all that crappy energy that's out there. for some reason i have a weird feeling that your next person that you're with is going to be a writer tried that no thank you why maybe it was just that particular writer yeah maybe it was the particular exactly i find writers amazing my son's a writer my my ex-husband was a writer it's a different kind of writer maybe it's not like a traditional writer maybe it's a writer like wolfie writes music right okay is he also a writer like a writer wolfie writes his music he plays guitar. He plays bass. He plays he sings. He does everything on his album.

58:25Maybe it's a different kind of writer. Maybe I definitely am. I definitely lean towards artistic people. Yeah. I like someone who really likes to use that artistic muscle in them. And let me just say, everyone has that. Sometimes we suppress it because we got to get shit done. But everyone has an artistic muscle. I want to know what book is next in you. Is there another book? Are you done? I didn't think there was after I finished this, but I usually think that when I'm done anyway. So let's see how I feel in a year because I've changed so dramatically in the last two years and I didn't think that was possible.

59:01I don't know. I probably have another cookbook or two in me. I know I want to do that, but I also really like helping people. I like inspiring people to be their best selves because that then inspires me to be my best self. So in that give and take, we all kind of rise a little bit higher. So I think there's still maybe like this book started off as exercises exercises in finding our best self and being kinder to ourselves. And then it just kind of veered off into like, so I'm a victim or a survivor of sexual abuse. So let's talk about that. Never thought I'd say that out loud. But I was able to work with the therapist for 10 years to where it now finally became something that I could actually say out loud.

59:46and actually put a picture in my book of that 11-year-old that was abused and say, that's not right. That should never be happening. What did that do to your healing journey to be able to open up and say that? It freed me in a way that I can literally say it because the first time I tried to say it 10 years ago, it came out and I thought, oh, okay, now that I finally said it, I'll be free and I'll be healed. No, it took me 10 more years of really digging down deep and then doing EMDR, which really helped me. but being able to say it now there's a freedom in it that my shame can't be used against me anymore because I have had someone know my shame and then in anger try to use it as a weapon to hurt me and now they can't do that because I own it and and I own my recovery and I own my own life as a survivor and they can't hurt me because of it and that gives me freedom and more in a way grounds me more that no one can hurt me.

1:00:44Like I can watch people talk about me and say things that aren't true and be like, yeah, oh, well, and not feel like I have to defend myself because I know who I am. If you guys have not read Valerie's books, I recommend going to get all of them. But you also can just pick one up and start it like you don't have to read start to finish, I think. So if you want to go get her new book, I also have it on audio. And I like it. I do read it. And I really wanted to do the meditations in the book, kind of like really gently so that if you want to listen to it while you're in a bath, it may help you find a calm place and go someplace else in your own brain and mind and emotions.

1:01:21That's really cool. So you can listen to your voice and do the meditations with you. I love that. Getting Naked, the quiet work of becoming perfectly imperfect. Everyone can go buy it on Amazon. Is it pre-order? When does it come out? I suggest maybe going to your local bookstores where you really like to keep local businesses thriving. Love it. There's a bunch of great local bookstores everywhere. So go there first. I will be in the kitchen trying to cook with you on your new show. Oh, good. Where can we find your new show? That's on Valerie's Place. It's an app that you can download. You can go to valeriesplace.com or you can go to wherever you download your apps.

1:01:55Michael Bosstick:This is great, Lauren, because now I can run you through all the albums. Yes, please do. Take her through a discography. I'm going to. You can cook. I'll run you through all the most important works. What's the lowest frequency one that's like nothing else matters like where do we start that's just low vibe listen to wolfie's the last song on wolfie's new album he wrote that i'm not i don't know if i'm allowed to say but he wrote it for someone special and it's a beautiful song okay so i'm gonna start there all in good time by mammoth listen to that you listen to mammoth you can also listen to distance which is a song he wrote for his pop after his pop passed and that was beautiful that he was nominated for a grammy for that i'm very proud of my son if you can't tell i think it's i have a song that i sing my son every morning do you he lives with his mom for the rest of his life no one but his mom he loves his mom have you read i love you forever oh my god that book okay so i used to sing that book to wolfie and then i started looking at it and the way it progresses, the last page is kind of creepy.

1:03:00And so I'm like, oh, well, maybe not. But it's the same thing. I'll love you forever. I'll love you for always. You know, my baby, you'll be.

1:03:08Michael Bosstick:But also get out of the house. I'm going to be squished at the window. I know. Get out of the house at some point. Have productive adult relationships with other women. Bring the girls to me. But that's really what I thought, Amelie. That's really what I thought too. But I'm so in love with his wife. And I love going over there. And I love hanging out with them. I also love giving them their own time. But I really thought that too. and I said, you're not moving anywhere far from me. And he literally is four miles from me. You also have to fill your frames with grandkids. I can't wait, Wolfie. Wolfie, hurry up.

1:03:36Thank you so much for coming on, Valerie. You can come back anytime. Thanks for having me.