#88 Jacopo Ficulle - Filmmaking as a Form of Healing

34:01Like when you emailed me, I felt like it started a process in my mind that wasn't going on until there. Like, oh, now I have the possibility to put things on a table with a person that had a similar path and has a willingness to listen. Wow. This is a lot.

34:29Gian Carlo:so thank you really yeah of course i i love these conversations they i look forward to them all that it's it's one of my favorite things that i am grateful and able to do and it's just um i appreciate your willingness to also be open and share um because i know some people are afraid to open up a little bit but i i really appreciate you being open about a lot of the things that you are thinking in your your mind in your life as well did i would just like dream of this a few months ago and now all of a sudden i got invited to the cool kids party you know so the name is in the past studies of the wow ice well i wanted to really ask you from a writing perspective because your visuals are obviously beautiful.

35:26Gian Carlo:You know, I want to go into location a little bit later because I think that is a very important player. But your writing is very thoughtful. It's very simple, but it has deep meaning and impact. What is your process of writing? Because I know that you shoot your film, you come back and reflect. But when that happens, what is that process to then create an output of writing, a dialogue? I have to make a disclaimer. I've been 12 years to therapy. 12. And also I tried other paths. I did several, I tried several ways, you know, to make sense of my subjective experience. and this shaped the way I think.

36:19I think it makes me often think in a way that it's already communicable, that I can already communicate. It gave me the ability, the habit to journal. So when something I'm associating, an insight comes up, I write it down in the mostly in my phone which is not very quite but this creates some bits some blocks with which to be the house you know and so when I go there in the editing and I have this feeling going on it's usually not a feeling that arose in the very moment people that are a lot in the a lot in their heads, like I used to be and still often am, I think we drag feelings for a long time.

37:23Exactly because we are stuck in the head and they remain stuck somewhere, unprocessed. So when I get there in the time of writing the text for the Waysolver, it's the occasion to connect with that feeling with honesty, with a bit of courage. Let it move in my body somehow. So it's a physical process. And when I'm settled down in that feeling, okay, this is my feeling now. I'm not as happy as enthusiastic I would like to be most of the times in the moment of writing because you want to be like,

38:06Gian Carlo:yes, this is nice, amazing. amazing let me write it down not always the case but back i have building blocks that i noted during the week that maybe give me the trail that brings me to now like this is the this is the path that this feeling that i avoided until now took took for me to be here and this is the insight i don't know if this is too mental and or is comprehensible mm-hmm no it is and I think that's a really it's a really unique way to process the way that you want to deliver your message and I think it's there's no right or wrong way to write and I think you just sharing your experience of how you process it might give somebody an opportunity to think about the way that they process their thinking and the way that they journal and maybe have unlocked a new way that they could explore.

39:12Gian Carlo:So I think the way that you expressed it, perhaps might be able to give somebody an opportunity to look at the way that they can now maybe pursue something or try something in a new way. And I think that's amazing. That's very encouraging. Yeah, I could have phrased it very simpler, I try to be honest and see what I feel. And I help myself looking at what I wrote during the week to realize, okay, it's a week that I'm angry. It's true that I'm a bit sad, but whatever it is, I try to let it shape what comes after. And it's always, and if I do it with honesty, like that I express what I'm feeling, what I'm sensing, it always brings a positive note if I try to force it like oh no I'm not in the right mood let me write something that feels nice it feels like a barilla commercial I love that you said a barilla commercial yes because we don't have I mean we get some pasta commercials every once in a while here but I think that's so funny that you said that I love it lovely pasta yeah yeah absolutely um you know the the other area that fascinated me about your storytelling though your videos is the people that were involved in your films the people that are on screen and a sense that i get that you have people around you that have made a impact in your life and I don't know if it's maybe just like some of the films that I watch where there's you know grandmas around or grandpas around like older generation but coming from an Italian background my my wife's family's from Italy and talking to her nonna and their experiences there's a level of wisdom that older Italian people have in a way and again maybe that's just because of you know my culture as well like you know being italian-american you being italian but i love to hear just how people in your life have influenced you do you were you exposed to your grandparents to relatives in your family a lot yeah yeah okay for for most of my life they passed away fairly young um but i was able to gain a good amount of experiences with my grandparents but especially my wife's family as well especially because they are from italy it's a different experience than the american side that my family is beautiful then yeah you sensed it because you lived it uh i think this is a treasure that it's that risks getting lost like society structures lives horizontally.

42:22You are in school with people your age. You go to college with people your age. You are at university or start working with people your age. You go out with people your age. You have families and you go out with people your age. And that to me started to be a bit sterile. Like, I wasn't stimulating anymore. And so I realized I wanted to expose myself to kids. I wanted to expose myself to elderlies mostly because in Italy kids are very rare very low natality rate while it's an aging country but luckily I had a huge back in my life that I had I managed to to know properly all my grandparents all of them three out of four of them they are still alive

43:13Gian Carlo:yeah incredible I managed to to meet and know decently four great grandparents. Wow. It's unbelievable. And they have a way, most of them really, they have a way of being in the world that is graceful. Oh yeah. Because they have no pressure anymore to achieve results, to all the stuff. They somehow start to be to be respectful of being still alive and I want it and so whenever there is my grandma or grandpa or somebody else's grandma or grandpa we have a shot and we get along very quickly and I think okay if I can I would feed them and usually people are very happy for me to do so because they don't know how long they will be around and this beats a nice memory for them.

44:19Gian Carlo:I think that's an amazing, beautiful thing that I have come to learn and realize is just, which I think is part of my process of shaping my definition of success at this point is how much I have become influenced by family. Because I grew up, in a very American, Italian American household, but pretty American. And although I had an amazing childhood, amazing family, I wasn't close to a lot of my family, like how I am with my wife's family. And I am, I say her a lot because her family gave me so much in my life and being able to slow down, sit at the dinner table, enjoy each other's company, just have a talk.

45:19Gian Carlo:Her grandparent, her nonna's here still. We see her every week. You know, she's in the garden. Everyone, it's just the way that they live their life and her family is truly just inspiring to me. And although they are driven and they have passion and they want to succeed in their life, they also prioritize being around each other and that being the foundation of everything they do. and that to me has been the biggest indicator of where I want to go in my life and whatever I do is it leading me towards creating a life where I can sit at the dinner table with my family for two hours and talk lovely lovely this is uh this is what we should pursue I think as a species

46:19we forgot this somehow we forgot this that really is theoretically this is within reach and so that that makes a total sense and i and with my videos as well i try i try to send the message that i think it can benefit others as well I need a reason sometimes to feel that I'm doing this not only for myself the reason to tell okay is this helping somebody obviously I have no I don't have the ambition to know what really helps anybody I cannot know but as a species I mean we need family we are mammalians we are animals We need care. We need the reciprocal care, be it family, a group of friends, your community.

47:22The reason people in the little villages in Italy die at 95, it's because they have a community.

47:36you.

47:37Gian Carlo:Along with the culture side of, you know, family and in that I couldn't help but recognize just the beautiful location that you are in. And besides a visual sort of beauty of it, there's an element maybe it's the way that you shoot it and what you frame but like there is a level of just pure calmness and peace that i feel in what in where you are and i don't know if you feel that because maybe you were you know i i believe you do but sometimes i think we often as a society as well don't recognize the beauty that we have because we're in it so much and we see it every day. And I'm curious if you have ever felt at a time that maybe you wanted to move away or did you always recognize that where you are is a place where you feel at most peace and calm perhaps?

48:45I am originally from Tuscany. So I am very lucky. I'm very lucky because I was born in a place that are not exactly there, but nearby places that are on postcards. That makes your life easier. But now I live in Turin, which is a beautiful city, but nonetheless a post-industrial city. Not the place in which right now I personally feel the sense of calmness that you said you feel in my videos. For that, I had to go back to Tuscany. And this is a gift because for somebody, for me at least, growing up, I felt the extreme urge to go away, to explore somewhere bigger with more professional opportunities, with a more dynamic society.

49:43Filmmaking made me the gift, gifted me the possibility to go back there with the excuse of, yeah, I'm back here to film a bit and started to regain the connection with my roots. And some other locations are in Catalonia, which is in Spain, is the area where Barcelona is and there as well is an amazing place. within reach from where I am now. So I was lucky regarding locations, but I'm very picky in anything. I'm not an easy person to be from with, not with many reasons, but because I have very, very clear necessities.

50:38Gian Carlo:I think that's really a valuable thing to talk about as well, because I just had a conversation with somebody a few hours ago, right before this call. And something he was talking about was that he gives so much and he's, he gives and gives and is always willing to do something for somebody, no matter how big or small, it's no big deal. And what he was talking about was coming from a place of not feeling like he ever was able to refill himself or like, or, or be confident enough to do something for him. And I'm curious from, from your place as a, as a creative, as, as an artist, how important is it to actually do things for you?

51:34Gian Carlo:Because it's important to serve people and give, but you You also have to tend to yourself as well. I'm just learning this. And I'm 36, almost 7. I am just learning this. I'm the first son. I want to say hello to him and I feel you. I realized how much it had an impact on me. And that's why I honestly sometimes tend to isolate myself. Unfortunately, it's the only way I learned when I was a kid. to bring fuel back inside myself. But there is a paradox in this because I also discovered that the only way to gain fuel is through relationships. And so it brings up the necessity to find a better way to relate with people, not to withdraw from relationships.

52:31And it's tough. And sometimes you have the best intentions and you fuck up. Sometimes you feel the urge to set a boundary, to connect with your inner voice, but you have never listened to it. So you put a boundary... Or learn to trust it as well is a big thing.

52:53Gian Carlo:Or learn to trust it. And so you are confused. And then a sense of guilt comes up. Maybe I offended that person and now I don't know what to do with this freedom. So it's a challenge. So I'm studying. I read, I try, I see a lot of YouTube videos and I talk with people and I try to learn. Do you experience this yourself or it's something that you're not going up with the other person? Yes and no. I feel like I've always been somebody that loves to serve and be able to give to people, but I have also recognized that I need to, in order for me to really be able to present myself in the fullest of who I am, in the best version of me, that means that I need to do the things that I love in my life, the things that I choose to want to do.

53:58Gian Carlo:And a lot of that comes to saying no. And I've gotten very comfortable saying no to a lot of things. And a conversation I've had with my wife many times, similarly, is she's very much a person that will put other people in front of her at all times, no matter what, which is an amazing characteristic of a person. But there's been times where she has felt drained. She hasn't, she feels like a lack of identity in who she is because she never cared for herself because she's always putting other people first. And through different people and experiences that I've seen in my life, I've just realized that it's impossible to give fully to people until you are able to fully give to yourself.

54:54True. Very true. And did you find that this is a muscle that you train while simply saying no? Or you needed some other insight to actually orient yourself in this new territory?

55:08Gian Carlo:A lot of it is, if I'm going to be honest, a muscle that you have to consciously think about when you're in situations where you have two roads you can go down this road of do I want to do this I know it might I know I'm using an example of helping people but it's there's many scenarios but do I want to take my day and go do this with this person whereas I know I should be doing this for myself or I should be working on this there's two different roads that are always a choice that you can make and when you recognize that consciously that you have a choice, then you can start working on that muscle depending on where you are in your life and what you want to pursue to make that decision.

55:52Gian Carlo:And there are some people that maybe are so far down this road that they only care about themselves that might need to start looking at this side of their road as well. So it's not just one or the other. I think it's about understanding who you naturally are and things that you need to improve on perhaps or things that might need just a little bit more emphasis. And for me, I realized that I need to just say no a little bit more. And that came from a conscious place of recognizing certain situations and being in a place where I knew I had of choice in a particular moment. And the thing that helped me as well is reflecting on those answers when I chose and being like, did I regret saying no to that thing?

56:43Gian Carlo:99 % of the time, I do not regret saying no to that thing in order for me to potentially do the thing that was best served for myself in that moment. On the other side, there is a higher percentage chance that I regret saying yes to the thing and committing to whatever that is because I felt guilty or I felt like I needed to say yes in order to please that person or whatever it is. I often feel more guilty or I often regret that decision more. And in realizing that it was, it starts to become a bit of a, not an easier decision, but it makes you think about what is, what could be more valuable in certain decisions, if that makes sense.

57:32It absolutely does. You have to first take the leap, have courage practice it and then the the thinking support will come the realization the rational comprehension will come but first you have to move like from a place of instinctual even like the heat that you want to feed the broth and just say no I think we suppress that a lot and you bringing the example of your wife also had me had me thinking like you see we have every positive side potentially has a downside maybe this is also because

58:21Gian Carlo:the importance of family of being together requires more suppression of your nose or your loss i guess yeah i there's there's always two sides to whatever it is that you're looking at i do believe and i i don't i think it's important to recognize it at least and And sometimes it takes a lot of conscious effort to recognize that maybe you have been doing one thing only for too long that you never even knew that there was an opposite side to it. And I think that we as a society need to work on a bit of being okay with like being with ourselves more. I think a lot of what we just talked about comes from not feeling comfortable being by ourselves or being within our own thoughts, being with our own decisions, being with the ugly version of ourselves that maybe we don't like and we have to think about that or process that.

59:46Gian Carlo:we want to always give and do in this to maybe avoid the actual intellectual thought process of being with yourself. And I think that's another aspect that has helped me a lot is being okay with sitting by myself with my thoughts, going to dinner by myself, being in uncomfortable situations by myself and learning to understand more of who I am. And although I'm 28, I've felt more connected with who I'm becoming and who I want to be because I've allowed myself to sit with myself.

1:00:32Beautiful. Really. And it shows. It really shows. I can say that I did it so much that I ended up on the opposite side of the spectrum maybe too much self-reflection too much self-analysis

1:00:56and now I'm trying to deconstruct a bit of that system but I think you're right I think generally it's the opposite that happens because of all the stimulation that we have constantly. Everything wants you to not sit down with your feelings. Wants you to act on feelings. Consume because you have a feeling. Scroll because you have a feeling. Avoid it. Go outside. Have fun. Do not sit with that feeling. Yeah, we keep on accelerating as a society. but many of us, I think, are starting to feeling a bit tired. And that's it because it forces you to acknowledge what's happening inside.

1:01:47Gian Carlo:And, you know, I think there's an area that I think is really interesting too. And I keep thinking about the conversation that I had with my friend a couple hours ago. And what we're talking about is bringing up a lot. And there's like that balance of being someone that is a thinker and that is able to be in a situation or observe things and think about it, but finding the balance of not overthinking to the point where you don't actually do anything versus thinking and internalizing, but then translating that into something that you could actually do. and like action. And I'm curious from your perspective, if there's a time or if you found a way to translate your thinking into action because some people sit in their thinking too much to the point where they become paralyzed in their thoughts.

1:02:46True. In my experience, the thing that hurt most was building a structure. in my life. Like every morning, first thing that I do when I wake up is breath work. 15 minutes of breath work to actually stabilize my body when I wake up. And then I do a bit of Tai Chi, slow movements. And then, not every day, but a few days a week I work out. I have breakfast, I sit at my computer, you know, a routine that gives my nervous system a structure. And within the structure, things stay in hand. If I start to think or overthink, I can realize, okay, is this beneficial? Maybe because I'm like using it for the whatsoever of a video, or am I just like trying to find the problem where there's none apparent?

1:04:01Because overthinking, I feel for me, it's usually that you go looking for a problem to analyze it and deconstruct it, to find the solution, compulsively looking for solutions until you invent problems, basically. And I do sometimes.

1:04:20So to me, it's structure. But obviously not for everybody is the same. I think structure is really, for me, it's very valuable.

1:04:33Gian Carlo:And I've always been a big fan and big advocate for structure because for a lot of the people that I talk to online and whatever, we live in a creative industry, creative world where nothing is normal nothing is set in stone nothing is organized and i don't believe that us as humans are meant to fully live that way i think there is a level of of embracing that freedom but also as long as you have a certain level of structure to one come back to but or to kind of set the foundation for you to actually begin that that freedom moment that that spontaneity um because i i find that for myself i start to spiral more when i lose my routine when i lose my my my certain couple of things that help me i start to lose focus a bit i start to sort of just notice a change in who I am a little bit.

1:05:48Gian Carlo:And it might sound weird to some people that maybe don't have a routine, but once you find that, you start to really develop a sense of who you are a little bit more and create a rhythm in your life. And I think rhythm as a creative is really important to be able to allow your mind and body to feel when certain things are happening and recognize certain emotions and actions that you're able to take. 100 % in everything is relative. So what I said, it's relative to the society we are living in. In this society, which is completely destructured, completely in which nothing is fixed, because everywhere should be an economic transaction to take place of like a natural, let's call it structure, any form of it, spontaneous structure.

1:06:46And that is confirmed when I do art residencies. Because something I discovered recently was art residencies, which is basically beautiful places in nature where a few artists can be, I don't know, around 8, 10, 12, sometimes 4, gather for a week, each of them doing their own stuff. But we cook together, maybe. We have experiences together. I don't know, maybe sound works, things, even sometimes artsy things, you know, that are not really my thing in theory. But when you are living communally, everything is so much easier. And I don't need the structure. I find my role very quickly. And it changes and I adapt.

1:07:42And I feel like now I need time. to do my stuff and I do my stuff and I don't apologize. I just know I do and they will understand and I come back and I contribute. It all comes so natural that I was astonished because I had the opposite experience for my whole life. I'm an only child, I was always playing in my room alone with the video games then after. Everything was very much on me. I had to to get a degree, it, invent a profession and stuff. So I always longed for relationships, but it has always been intentional. Because in this society, especially if you're an alone child and stuff, it has to be intentional.

1:08:28You have to make room for connections to happen, for relationships to progress. You have to find two hours to meet that friend that you don't see from three months and you want to have updates on their life, you know? While when you find yourself, at least it happened to me, when I find myself in a communal living for which I have no actual experience, it's like the genome in my brain activates. And it's... You see? You are a cat. You are a dog. You are a mammalian. You are a communal species. And it works so smoothly. Not always I love everybody. Not at all. I'm still a very picky, selective person.

1:09:17We've been there.

1:09:18Gian Carlo:Everything comes easy. Amazing. Last question I want to ask you is, you know, if, if somebody finds your videos and your films for the very first time, what is it that you hope they walk away from watching it? Like what they bring with themselves. Yeah. Actually, the goal at the very beginning was to create something that makes them stop scrolling. They watch this, not even until the end, and they put the phone back in their pocket for some somewhere else. That this is something that does not feed the scrolling race, but it potentially stops it and helps them reconnect with themselves. like they see it and they feel like, oh, this guy said something very honest.

1:10:13What do I feel about this? And what do I feel about myself now?

1:10:19Gian Carlo:Amazing. Well, Jacopo, thank you so much for taking this time to be with me. It was, I really, really enjoyed our conversation, our chat. And yeah, thank you. Thank you so much for being honest and open and sharing everything with me and everyone that's going to listen to this. That was really a pleasure and I immediately felt that it was a reward for the very little I've done so far. So thank you for this. It gives me a lot of encouragement. Where can people find you, your work? Please share anything you want to promote or your channel. Sure. I'm posting regularly, more or less. and quite regularly as the Dormant Seed, both on YouTube and Instagram.

1:11:09It's different stuff, but same feelings behind. And I love it that people watch it and sometimes bright me. And this is the thing I was going for, and it's happening lately.

1:11:26Gian Carlo:Amazing. Well, hopefully you enjoyed today's episode, everyone. Have a great day. Peace out. Thank you.