Body Language Expert Reveals Secrets to Skyrocket Your Social Influence | Vanessa Van Edwards EP 707

0:00Hey everyone, this is Lewis Howes and I am so excited to invite you to the Summit of Greatness 2024 happening at the iconic Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, California. This is more than just an event. It's a powerful experience designed to ignite your passion, boost your growth, and connect you with a community of other inspiring achievers. Join us Friday, September 13th, and Saturday, September 14th for two days packed with inspiration and transformation from some of the most incredible speakers on the planet. Don't miss out on this chance to elevate your life, unlock your potential, and be part of something truly special.

0:34Make sure to get your tickets right now and step into greatness with us at the Summit of Greatness 2024. Head over to lewishouse.com slash tickets and get your tickets today and I will see you there. Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:56Let's just say there's a person you don't like. Yeah. Maybe they're not toxic. There's someone you don't like and you don't like being nice to because you feel like, yeah why am i spent i just don't nothing wrong with this there's not my person yeah totally let's say you're in a work environment yeah and you're at a company got 50 100 employees that you're working with you're on a team with and you're just okay i'm here yeah is it better to be inauthentic and lie and act nice around this person friendly fake how are you interested even though you've like been around them for six months or a year and you realize you really don't like them.

1:30Or is it better to go right at the person that for six months say, you know what? I just want to be completely honest and not fake with you because I feel like I've been fake that I don't connect with you. I don't like you. I think, I think you're out of integrity. I think you're authentic and maybe I'm being judgmental, but I'd rather be honest with you and fake nice to you. Okay. That's A and B. Can I give a C? Sure. Okay. So I don't believe in fake it till you make it. So I, I, I try not to give like fake it. I don't, I don't roll that way. Like, I just think it's exhausting. I think it's going to leak.

2:00The C option here is to not fake warmth, but is to double down on competence. So if you are working with someone that you don't like, the one thing that you do have to do is get stuff done with them, right? You have to master your tasks. You have to be on it. You have to be responsive to emails. So that is something you can be authentic about because to do your job, you have to be able to get along with them in a very professional setting. So I would skip all the fake warmth stuff. Don't, don't. Right. Like stick with where you're authentic, which is like, I don't need to hear about your weekend.

2:31I don't need to go to happy hour with you. Um, I don't need a fake sitting with you for coffee, but you know what? We can get stuff done. You know what? We align on goals. So create boundaries around the, Hey, let's go have coffee. Actually, no, I'm busy. I'm so busy today, but you know what? Let's do a brainstorm session tomorrow at the end of the day. So we mission on the task on hand the competence and maybe you've just got to be like okay this is someone where you know 20 seconds a day i've got to be around someone that's trying to be fake la-di-da-di with everyone and i'll just wait i'm gonna get stuff done and then i'll move on to the next that's it exactly because then at least you're focusing on where you can be authentic and also that's even if that were to come up you could honestly say that kind of conversation could be listen like you know i'm i'm not really into like you know connecting at work i'm more about getting it done.

3:18I want to get home to my kids and my family. I hope that's okay with you. You know, when we're together, if it's all right, I might skip lunch and just have us like, you know, work it out and be really efficient. I really appreciate how efficient you are because it allows me to get home to my kids faster, right? Like that's authentic. So what can you appreciate about them that's competent? Yes. What can you highlight about them that's competent? And that's a weird way to work. What if you don't feel like they're warm or competent? You're like, this person on a team is just that they can't get anything done.

3:45They're not smart and they have fake attitude around me all day. I mean, this depends on how you feel, but I would say deal with it. Like, you've got, like, go to your boss. Right, and say, hey, I just, like, look, I can't. Can you put me on a different team? Yeah. You say, like, I don't know how I can work with this person. I don't want to be unauthentic, but I'm telling you that we're not getting stuff done, and they are causing issues on the team. Like, I don't like to ignore that stuff. Like, you can hope it gets better, but ask for help. If you have someone on your team or someone in your life who is not warm nor competent and doesn't treat you with warmth or competence, either get them out of your life, set a boundary, or get help.

4:17Give them like an improvement plan or something. Yeah, don't live with it. Life is too short to feel fakely competent or fake warmth. Right. What's been the, I think I asked you this last time, what's been the charisma strategy? Yeah. If you want to call it a strategy. You weren't sure about that. You weren't sure about that. I don't know what the word is right, but what is the charisma or social cue that you've learned in the last six months that has brought some new attention to your life where you said, ah, I wasn't aware of that fully. But now the research is showing that when someone does this, it improves this.

4:50There's a new cue that I snuck into the book in the very last draft because I just learned it. And this is actually brought to me by one of my male readers. And I'm so curious. Okay, do you agree with this, Louis? Okay, here's what they said. So in the book, I had a whole section on nodding. So nodding, affirmative nods upside down, right? I nod all the time. Yes, you're a nodder. It's really high warmth. We love it. We love nodding. Oh, this is good. Yes, nodding is great. because vertical nods, and by the way, this is different in certain cultures where they'll nod, they nod sideways. That's different.

5:21Okay, so just vertical nodding in Western cultures is agreement. It's yes. In fact, research has found that when you nod at me slowly, I speak three to four times longer. That's cool. That's why you're a good interviewer is because you'll nod and be like, keep going, keep going, keep going. I'm just like a bobblehead. I'm just kind of like, yeah. I'm very slow. I'll pause. I'm like, okay, cool. Okay, well, actually, you're right. Slow nodding is tell me more. Fast nodding is finish up. Yeah, okay, okay. Okay, I got it. I got it, right, right, right. Okay, so that's the difference there. If you want someone to wrap up in a meeting, give them a one, two, three, triple nod.

5:53Like, I got it. If you want them to keep going, an introvert, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now.

6:38And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter. Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.