Breaking Down Toxic vs. Conscious Relationships | Jay Shetty EP 898

0:00There are two big things happening at one time that I've never done before. I'm going on a book tour for my new book, Make Money Easy, and I'm doing a podcast tour at the same time. It is going to be big, and I'm going to seven cities in 10 days. Get your friends, get your family, bring everyone you know to these cities. I'm coming to Austin, Texas, New York, Boston. We're going to Nashville. Then we're going to Los Angeles, San Diego, and San Francisco. Make sure to get your tickets right now. go to lewishouse.com slash tour again bring everyone you know if you're looking to create more financial freedom and abundance in your life and you want to see a massive guest live on the school of greatness show get your tickets i can't wait to see you there hi my name is lewis house and welcome to the daily motivation show

0:59I'm curious, what is the difference between toxic love and conscious love? Toxic love is where both people are working independently to use the relationship to serve their own needs. That's toxic love. And conscious love is where both people independently take care of themselves so they can bring their best self to each other. And where this often goes wrong is that toxic love turns into a competition. Toxic love now is who's doing more for each other, who gives more love to each other, who does more work around the house. You turn the whole thing into a competition which is not teamwork. And conscious love is not saying you're the selfless one it's you're making agreements i think that's the mistake that love was constantly conscious love was always like be selfless love more than the other person give more that's not healthy either what's healthy is we're actually going to create boundaries we're actually going to create agreements we're actually going to create principles we're going to create rules the reason why i call the book eight rules of love is my hope that it will inspire other couples to create their own list of rules in their own relationship a conscious relationship is one that is built on a foundation of healthy agreements yes uh toxic love is it's interesting when you look at the word toxic as well tell me so toxic love is when your trauma is the oxygen for your relationship right if you think about the word like the idea that your trauma is what you're breathing into the relationship is so true right you're just breathing your trauma into the relationship so you bring all your baggage all your insecurities and you're somehow expecting the other person to inhale it all and then figure out how to respond and react whereas a conscious relationship is saying that i have these things i'm trying to heal them i'm going to make my partner aware of what i'm healing because i'm not fully healed yes and now that they're aware and i'm working on it We can also work on it together.

3:15So I think we've also had this unhealthy idea of conscious love being you're fully healed And then you come slide. That's not journey. It's a journey And so but the thing about the journey is are you working on yourself? Have you communicated to your partner what you're working on so that they can be aware and Thirdly have you found a way to get support? I had a friend whose Partner was addicted to porn and and they came up to me and they were saying that their partner feels shameful and guilty and wants to work on it. And I said, you have two choices. You can either leave them because you don't believe them and this affects you negatively, which it was, or you can stay with them and support them through their journey because they want to change.

3:58It's not that you're forcing them to change. They're coming to you about it. They're vulnerable. They're open about it. They're honest about it. And what I found in that scenario was that that person was able to support their partner now they have a really healthy relationship but the thing is that we can't also we a toxic relationship is also when you use someone's trauma against them so someone's been vulnerable with you about what they're struggling with and now you use it as ammunition in an argument to shoot them down yeah and so when people are vulnerable with you when they're honest with you and they're transparent with you don't use that against them because basically you're saying to them don't be honest with me and I think that's this really interesting thing we all say I want someone who's honest but then when someone says something honest that's uncomfortable we say no no I don't want your honesty or I don't like that and I think you push the other person away yes and so yes if it's really if they share something that's really not aligned with your values of course you can leave and move on but chances are if they're opening up about a journey they're on, it's worth giving it an opportunity to support them if they're serious about it.

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6:05Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.