Breaking Free from Love's Desperate Chase & Finding Self-Worth | Jillian Turecki EP 884

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:11If a woman is going out and dating, right, and they've dated a bunch of different guys, but they finally meet a guy that's like, oh, this guy's different. And he's, you know, not only does he like check off all the things on my written down list, but like, I feel emotionally safe. We're just connected. We have similarity. We have alignment in so many places. and this could be an amazing relationship for me. But then a month or two down, he just says, you know what, this is not working out for me. And he's dating other women and starts to date someone else. What should a woman be thinking or feeling in that experience when most of the times you hear women saying that they're devastated, they're heartbroken, that this guy didn't choose them?

0:58Yeah. And they think something's wrong with them. Instead, what should that woman be thinking or sang about that situation. What my dream would be, if Jeannie Nabata was like, what would be your wish for these women? It would be, okay, cool, on to the next. Why is it so hard for women to do that? It's so hard for people to do that because you thought you met someone and your love is a completely irrational feeling. It's not rational. You know, if we met someone, we'd like them. you compound that maybe for that woman she's in her childbearing years she her clock is ticking she wants to build a family that's like that's her dream and she meets someone it's great and then all of a sudden like wait what did I do you didn't choose me like what what's going on often in those scenarios they um people put their eggs in their in one basket a little bit too soon I think the person is just great and part of you know part of what we have to do in the beginning this is so hard everything I'm saying is easier said than done nonetheless it needs to be done what's so hard is we have to kind of when we meet someone we're excited about them I don't I don't want to rain I don't want anyone to rain on anyone else's parade but process your enthusiasm have a conversation with yourself like well this feels really good this feels really promising I feel really excited so you're connecting with what you feel emotionally and then say, and I also know that this could also not turn out to be anything.

2:33And instead of me getting attached to the outcome, I'm going to really enjoy this feeling that I'm feeling right now, but I'm going to use some discernment here because I still, I don't know this person's character. I understand, I have the wisdom and I've been learning from all the relationship experts here and there. I understand that it takes time to really get to know someone. It takes time to see if we're in alignment. So I'm excited to learn more. And that's sort of what we have to start talking, how we have to talk to ourselves, right? If someone is just not interested in you, one of the things that make us very resilient in life is the ability to accept that rejection and that rejection is a part of life and that we are not going to be for everyone.

3:27This is in work, professionally, business, personally, we're just not for everyone. How boring, right? And if we were for everyone, then we're chameleons and we're trying to be for everyone.

3:43So the worst thing you can do, and this is what people do and what I talk about a lot, oh, you're not choosing me? Let me do something to get chosen. Let me change myself. Let me not tell the truth. Because I think I love this person, but really what I feel is just some lust and I'm attached to some fantasy of what could be because I just don't want to be alone anymore. And I'm really deep down, very afraid of being alone and very afraid of not having children. All these things you don't have to be ashamed about. These are real legitimate fears. Get in touch with them. befriend them, understand what you're going through emotionally, and stop strategizing to get some Joe Schmoe who you don't even know who probably is not right for you.

4:27In fact, definitely isn't because they're not choosing you to choose you. Go for someone else. Yeah. One of your nine hard truths is you cannot convince someone to love you. Never. And that's also in a relationship. You know, I spent two years trying to convince my husband to love me. Really? It felt that way. Yeah, I, there, it was more subtle, you know, there were just things that he was pulling back, right? So I was just like, what can I do differently? How can I, what lie can I tell? Not an overt lie, but like, what truth can I withhold? To make him more pleased with me or satisfied or whatever.

5:05Yeah, exactly. And it was subtle. It wasn't every moment of every day, but it was, but it was there. It was there. Wow.

5:19Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on The School of Greatness. And if you are loving The Daily Motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple podcast right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel on Apple podcast right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

6:09Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.