Change Your Future By Attracting The Love You Deserve | Vishen Lakhiani EP 804

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes, and welcome to The Daily Motivation Show.

0:11You do not necessarily need love from a partner. And it's important that you learn to generate self-love. If you do not generate self-love, if you're not able to generate love from within, going into a type of relationship can be difficult because you develop neediness. And I've been there, right? We've all been there at points where we lack self-love. We need it from our partner and that can push away the partner. It makes you unattractive. So in phase one, compassion, we activate love as an energy by seeing the face of someone you love. And even if you are single, that phase could be a nephew, a niece, a mom, a dad, a pet, your best friend, maybe a younger version of you.

0:53You feel that love in your heart. You give it a color and then you take a deep breath as you exhale. You imagine that love filling your entire body. You feel that raining down upon you and filling your entire body, and you just feel that love for yourself, then you expand that into wider and wider circles. So love as an energy is a incredibly powerful energy because the feeling of love creates all of these other delicious emotions. Esther Hicks, the spiritual teacher, wrote a book called The Deliberate Power of Emotions. And she says, it's not our minds that attract. She also wrote the book Law of Attraction, but she's very clear, it is the emotional state you're in that causes the attraction.

1:33It's not, oh, I'm going to see that house, so I'm going to get that house. I'm going to see myself healing, so I'm going to get that healing. It's the emotional state you're in. Before you go to the manifesting part, you work on compassion, gratitude, forgiveness. This is about six minutes. You put yourself in the right emotional states, then you go to the action-oriented manifesting. Narcissism is self-love without love for others. We need both. This is why in the sixth phase, we literally start with compassion as a trampoline to everything else. You expand your love and you feel your love radiating to all life, all plant life, all animal life, all human beings.

2:09And we go into wider and wider circles. So if you were meditating here, you would see your love radiate to your entire team and even every pot of plant in your office. Then you'd expand it to the entire city of LA. You might then go on a detour, maybe see your partner, see your mom and dad, see a nephew and a niece, see your pet. Then you might expand it further to all of the United States. Because especially in this country, we need to bridge the gap between people of different political views. So you want to see all people of the United States, regardless of color, religion, political view, as being a recipient of your love.

2:42Then you expand it to the entire world because you want to feel yourself connected to the greater human species. and studies show that not only does this make you kinder and gentler, you get less triggered. And so there's a huge beneficial effect to you as well. When you walk the world, like your mind sees the beauty in other human beings, even if they happen to wrong you, you see the beauty in them. Your judgment disappears and it makes you a better person, but it also makes you a person who uplifts the people around you. There's a natural thing in our mind called the fundamental attribution error.

3:20So when we make a mistake, we attribute it to circumstance. But when somebody else makes a mistake, we attribute it to character. So I remember I was living in San Francisco and I'm walking down the street and, you know, I love this particular street. I walked on beautiful Victorian houses, really nice spot. And there's this lady in front of me and she's eating a freaking Oreo. And as she puts the Oreo in her mouth, she drops the Oreo wrapper on the ground. So I'm like, how dare she does this? What a horrible human being. My fundamental attribution goes up. I'm thinking she's horrible. She's a little bug.

3:53So I walk up, I grab that Oreo. I go to a bin. I make sure I'm walking faster. So I overtake her and I drop it in the bin and turn around and kind of give her a judgy look. And she looks at me. She stops dead in a trap. And then she starts crying. And I'm like, why are you crying? I'm just picking up your trash. And she goes, why do you have to be so mean? I'm not trying to be mean. Why do you have to litter? And she goes, listen, I'm so sorry I littered. I found out this morning that my boyfriend dumped me. Oh, man. And all I wanted to do was just ease that pain with this Oreo. And my mind was on so many different things.

4:32I didn't realize I dropped the wrapper. Why do you have to be such a jerk to me at this moment? And I felt like she was right. I was a jerk. I labeled her a litter bug without understanding what was really happening in her soul. She wasn't a litter bug. She was a sweet woman who went through a hard time and made a mistake. And I felt bad. That's fundamental attribution error. All of us do that. We all do that. Now, when you are seeing the world through the lens of compassion and emanating that compassion, if the wrapper dropped, you might pick it up still. You might drop it. But you don't feel like you need to prove the other person wrong.

5:10And you wouldn't judge the other person. you know that in human life, all of us go through moments of weakness, go through moments of pain. And your default thinking might more likely be, I wonder if she's okay. And when you go with, I wonder if she's okay, here's what else is happening. Firstly, you're not putting on more hurt onto someone who is hurt, but you are also feeling better. You don't feel like there are bad people in the world or litter bugs in the world or bad drivers in the world. You just go, I wonder if they're okay. And a natural human response is, I wonder what I can do to help.

5:42And so imagine if we did this with, we were school teachers and we did this with a student who was going through a difficult time. Not that person is misbehaving, but I wonder if they're okay. If we did this with our co-workers, if they were having a grumpy day, we just wonder if they're okay. Maybe they had a fight with their spouse that morning. Maybe they couldn't sleep the previous night. And so we approach the world from a different presence and the world becomes so much better. But it also makes our world safer as a society. The way parents have been trained to raise kids, the way our education system trained us is to tell us that there are certain things we do which are wrong and we have to be right.

6:25We grade kids based on the stupidest things, right? You get an F for history and it makes you feel like a failure. But what is that knowledge of history going to mean to your life in the future or geography, right? Nobody wakes up as an adult depressed because they can't remember, you know, the date of the Mongol siege of Baghdad or the amount of rainfall in Montana. We go through horrible situations in life because of heartache, because of anxiety, because of, you know, dealing with stress. We don't learn any of that. So we are graded on given grades as children told. This person is an A, you got an F.

7:01You got to study harder for the stupidest things which have no bearing in future success. And then there's parenting. Parenting. And so many parents practice discipline. And they tell the kids, you need to do that. You need to do that. You're bad because of this. You don't eat your vegetables. So you are going to be frail. All of us go through that stuff. Psychologist Shelly Lefkoe, she founded the Lefkoe Method, which is a belief system training. And one of the things Shelly explained to me is that the most important thing a parent can do for their child is to protect the child's beliefs. Make sure your child understand that they can heal their body, that their beliefs heal their body.

7:43Ensure your child understands that gratitude and appreciation will actually cause more good things to come to their life. Make their child understand that getting an F is meaningless. Make your child understand that compassion is an important quality. All of that, right? Protect the child's belief. Never install in your child a bad belief. So let me give you an example. I was driving with my son once. It was a Sunday. It was Father Sunday. And as we were driving, my CFO calls me. It's something urgent. He needed to talk to me. So I had to pick up the phone and talk to my CFO for 20 minutes in the middle of a Sunday drive with my kid.

8:20When I put down the phone, I realized that if I didn't explain to Hayden what happened, he might form a belief, dad's work is more important to me. And that belief could emerge as adulthood. Work should come before family. All of these are dangerous beliefs. So I turned to Hayden and I said, Hayden, I want you to know you're the most important thing in my life. You, as my son, I love you so much. You're more important to me than my work. My entire company can disappear and I'd be okay. But you, I always love you and always want you around. I'm sorry I had to take that call for 20 minutes. Something important happened and my company needed me.

8:57However, we're going to extend the strip by another 20 minutes so we can continue spending time together because you filled me with so much joy. Do you see what happened there? It's because in any circumstance, I ask myself, what will this tell my children about the world? Kids have a meaning-making machine. They rapidly create meaning. Even if you don't tell them, they're going to make sense of it somehow. Exactly. So that's the first one. The second thing is let your children know you love them. they must feel love from you. If they feel love from you, they're more likely to give love to themselves.

9:52and it'll take you to the full episode of my other show, The School of Greatness. Make sure to come back tomorrow for another episode of The Daily Motivation Show.