Collaboration Over Competition | Dr. John Delony EP 562

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:11There seems to be a trend of narcissism, self-interest, and my feelings and my beliefs are the things that matter most. So you need to change, this system need to change, everything needs to change to fit my feelings and protect my feelings. Why do you think that is happening? we've clipped all of the common strings that bind us together with a common story. However long you think the earth has been around, our relationship to our gods told us what we're going to wear, what your role is, whose job is what job, what our values are, what you do and don't do. There's been tons of oppression. I'm not saying it's all great.

0:49I'm just saying that's the way it works. And then we cut all the strings. None of that's real, guys. If it can't be randomized, control double blind studied it's not real it doesn't exist and so as beings created to worship whether you're an atheist or not as beings created to be in service of something if there's nothing to be in service of other than the self then you are the the supreme ruler of your world you're a pharaoh universe you're a pharaoh you will bow before me and we have a whole generation of people saying no you bow before me no no you bow before me then you get chaos which is what we have instead of saying what if we all just went to the moon can we figure that out all right let's do that let's go to the moon and what if we said how can i love you today instead of this is just how i'm wired i give answers one of those ways you're going to end up sleeping outside by yourself one of those ways creates warmth in your home right and so what do you want like what do you want this thing to feel like what are you doing and i often ask this question does that feel good like great quippy response like great grenade sarcasm you know cynicism good job that feel good yeah did it is that what you're going for today do you feel powerful for a minute or do you want to be connected and you want to be whole yes you get to pick man connection wholeness peace I believe comes from service and I believe first comes from service to self in creating wholeness not neglecting self and being empty all the time and just only serving others and deflecting all of your needs to feeling peaceful and whole and healthy.

2:30But then in that journey, giving to others, helping others, being of service, contributing to something greater than self, a mission, a vision, a family, a community, a goal, you know, going to the moon, whatever it is, believing in something and others and giving to them. And it's something for me that has really flipped in the last 10 years. 10 years ago, prior to 10 years ago, I was more about how do I look good? How do I win? How do I succeed? How do I, you know, be right as much as possible? And it was very unconscious. It wasn't like... That's your body playing defense. And it was survival mechanism.

3:06It was like, I need to win. I need to be right. I need to make more. I need to look good. I need to have this image and ego, you know, shape the way I want it. And I just realized that wasn't a happy life. for me maybe some moments that seemed happy but it wasn't really fulfilling yeah until i said it's got to be collaboration over competition and i can still compete in certain ways but it can't be for someone to be less than yeah it needs to be for me to compete to get better yeah and serve better yeah but collaboration over competition service over self that is what's brought me a lot more fulfillment it doesn't mean it's always easy there's challenges but it's brought me much more meaning and fulfillment.

3:49What do you think is the biggest cause of pain in relationships today? Me over us. Really? Yeah. Me over us. How I feel right now or how you made me feel. Not my body responded and you did this. I need to deal with that. Or I've got some hard choices to make. You did it. You did it. It's me over us. It was a watershed moment when I heard Estelle Pearl talk about the 9-11 towers analogy. She was talking to a couple who had experienced infidelity and she said one of the greatest challenges a couple's experience is they want to, they just want to get back to the way things were. And she likened it to you couldn't go on September 12th and sweep up all that dust and glass and steel and rebuild those towers with that stuff.

4:35They fell. You have two choices. You can walk away and let nature take it back over and it will. Or you can hire some experts. You can excavate that. You can design, build, grieve, come together and build something beautiful, a nod to the past, but something going this away that's hopefully stronger. Those are your two choices, but what you had is over. And so I've taken that into my own home. My wife and I right now, we've never been parents of an eighth grader and a second grader. This is a new marriage. And so we're going to build something new. It'll have a lot of the features of the old one, but this is new because eighth graders stay out later than second graders.

5:16Right, right. We're used to going to bed at nine o 'clock. I ain't doing that anymore because I got to pick them up. Right. So we have a new marriage. And if you keep saying, I just want to get back to the way it was. I just want to get back. You end up dragging each other back. And so we said, I do. Then us becomes number one, but I know I got to exercise. I got to eat, right? I got to get some sleep so that I can show up for us. Right. So it It sounds self-serving, but it's not. I got to do these things. I can be whole so I can show up for what we're building new.

5:53Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation. And I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. that will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

6:43Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.