Destroy Negative Thoughts Once And For All | Marisa Peer EP 733

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show. Today's episode is all about healing your past. Our past is what made us into who we are today, but that doesn't mean avoiding it is ever the proper solution. Healing past trauma can be extremely transformational for so many people. And I invite you to give yourself grace and find healing today.

0:35Many years ago, there was a wonderful psychiatrist in London called Dr. Maudsley, and he had a great expression. It was my favorite, and it says, The feeling that cannot find its expression in tears may cause other organs to weep. So he knew 100 years ago. That's beautiful. So beautiful and so true. The feeling that cannot find its expression in tears will cause other organs to weep. So he's sort of saying if you don't feel the feeling, your body's going to feel it. If you don't open your mouth and say you hurt me, don't be surprised if you get a screaming. I've got this screaming headache. I've got this angry red rash.

1:14I've got this thumping pain. And by the words they're using, angry, screaming, they're saying I have rage that can't come out. I'm not expressing it, but it's expressed through my body. Yeah, because the body is very clever at finding something. I worked with someone who couldn't walk and all she ever said, I can't stand that. I can't stand my ex. I can't stand my life. I can't stand my kids. And you can't stand up. Isn't that interesting? Wow. She had sort of phantom leg pains because she couldn't stand anything. Bulimus all say, well, what makes me sick is my sister-in-law. I'm so sick of her.

1:49She just makes me sick. I vomit in my mouth every time I hear her voice. And then they wonder why they're bulimic. Right. Because our words really affect our reality, partly because, and it's such an easy thing to say, every word you say is a blueprint that your mind, body, and psyche are working to make your reality. So we make our thoughts, and our thoughts make us, then we go out into the world, and we justify our thoughts every day. But our words are a blueprint, and when you know that, you think, well, I better pay attention to that blueprint. I better not say this kid is killing me. My job is making me want to die.

2:30I'm so stressed out by what? The queue in Hughes Market. Well, go to Zimbabwe where there is no Hughes Market. And there is no queue. And there's no money to buy food. Then you can say you're stressed because your problem, the queue in Erewhon and the bill, is someone else's fantasy dream come true. This freeway is killing you. You have a car. So I used to take my daughter to school and I'm on one day thinking that, oh my God, this commute is hell. And I saw someone at a bus and thought, how lucky I'm in my car. I've got the heating. I've got a cup of tea. I've got an hour to listen to something.

3:06I can talk to my kid. I keep saying I want an hour to myself. Well, here it is. And I learned to stop doing that. But when you say, how are you? Oh, nightmare. It is torture. What? The traffic. Yeah, the traffic, the queue. People keep ringing me. The phone ringing. It's torture. Well, maybe if it didn't ring, that might be worse. Some of my clients or models will say, my life is hell because people look at me. It's like, really? Well, one day they won't, and then you might miss it. Yeah, but I get on a plane and guys hit on me. It's a nightmare. Well, put on a baseball hat and glasses. Read a book.

3:40Then they'll leave you alone. But that's not a nightmare. It's just mildly inconvenient. It's not hell. It's not killing you. But we use these incredible words. This is torture. This is killing me. This is a disaster. What is? Well, I went to the bathroom and I forgot to pause my movie. It's not a disaster. But when you use those words, because your mind can't differentiate, it's to feel like it really is a disaster. You can stop being ill. You can change the shape of your body. You can change your digestion. You can have physical things. You can change the way you interact with your kids. So here's a good example.

4:18for my kid is a nightmare, change that to my child is age appropriate. Builders are going to go, oh my God, that's a disaster. But a good builder will go, it's a challenge. When you said talking to girls is terrifying, you just change that to it's challenging, but hey, there's hundreds of girls out there. It's a numbers game. One will say yes. And even if they say no, the only risk in life is not to take the risk. That's the risk. If you don't, when you take the risk and it goes wrong, you learn something. Because the body keeps score. or the body holds on to pain and stress and tension and grief.

4:52And we carry around all this stuff, and yet we really don't have to if just more people knew even to say I'm enough every day. Another of my favorite things to go is I'm choosing this, and I'm choosing to feel great. I'm choosing to work on my website all weekend. I'm choosing to go to the gym. I don't love it, but I love having a six-pack. I'm choosing to say no to Krispy Kreme donuts and yes to apples. And if you say, I'm choosing to do this and choosing to feel great about it, your mind has a very clear image. The way you feel about everything is down to two things, the pictures you make in your head and the words you say to yourself, there's nothing else.

5:31So if you choose to run, going, I'm running, so I'm raising money for charity, so I'm going to complete this run, even though my feet hurt, my knee hurts because I'm going to raise money. But you could run going, oh, I hate this. I could be at home watching Netflix, I haven't eaten, and now my knee hurts, and then you'll have to stop. So when you keep saying, I'm choosing it. Because, yeah. Yeah. So if you're an Olympic athlete, you would choose to get up at 4 a.m. and train. If you are a diabetic, you choose to put a needle in your arm. If you wear lenses, you choose to jab your finger in your eye.

6:04But you don't go, oh, I hate it. I can't accept it, and I can't change it. And when you say, I'm choosing to study, to work, to go talk to this girl I really like or to put good food in my body, and I'm choosing to feel great about that, too, there is no resistance. When you go, I want donuts and I can't have them, I've got to eat this freaking rabbit food, what your mind does is it increases the desire for donuts because you say, I want donuts, but I can't have them. I want pizza, I'm eating kale. I can't have these, but I choose to do this because... Yeah, I can eat pizza every day. when I'm 95 I'm going to knock myself out with pizza but right now I actually want to look really good in my clothes maybe out of them too so I'll save the pizza when I'm 80 because that door is probably shut then anyway then you can have loads of pizza but you have to reason with your mind and negotiate and your mind will always do what it thinks you want that's its job and if you could only tell your mind what you want using relevant up-to-the-minute words you'll get exactly what you want.

7:10I really believe that first it's what you do and then it's who you are. So first you're doing it and then it's who you are and it's so who you are that it wouldn't occur to you to have to make yourself do it. See, I would never sit on the carriage and go, my case is lost. I just know it. It's all going to go wrong. There's no cabs out there. This is a horrible flight. I now have a belief and it really achieves me that there's no such thing as being bored if my flight is late I mean I just get on my laptop on my phone I mean it's I have 24 entertainment empty out my emails look at something the days of having to wait and being bored even waiting in the car my little phone is like everything books messages videos and so I love that I don't really mind about missing staff from being late anymore.

8:00But I think it's important for people to understand that it isn't what you do. It's a bit like people who say, I've done yoga every day and now it's just my soul. Like Meghan Markle said that, yoga is in my soul. I don't do yoga. Yoga is part of my life. It's like you don't say, I walk my dog. If you've had a dog for 20, just get up, pick up the lead. And it's who you are, not what you do. And so for me, it really isn't what I do because it's so a part of me and I like it. And so I'm quite lucky that I'm pretty happy and positive, but I really do love my life. And that's a good thing. You know, I say your mind's like a Ferrari.

8:41And if you've never driven a Ferrari, it's going to go all over the place. But if you have Ferrari driving lessons, you're going to run that Ferrari. The Ferrari should not be running you. If you get on a horse, you've never ridden it, it's going to go everywhere. but if you have some horse riding skills, you say go there and it goes. So I see my mind like a horse and I am the rider, but I'm going to tell my mind where to go and it's going to do it.

9:11I am so excited for you to finish the rest of your day strong. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description and it'll take you to the full episode of my other show, The School of Greatness. Make sure to come back tomorrow for another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.