Divorce Lawyer Exposes Marriage's Hidden Dangers | James Sexton EP 698

0:00Hey everyone, this is Lewis Howes and I am so excited to invite you to the Summit of Greatness 2024 happening at the iconic Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, California. This is more than just an event. It's a powerful experience designed to ignite your passion, boost your growth, and connect you with a community of other inspiring achievers. Join us Friday, September 13th, and Saturday, September 14th for two days packed with inspiration and transformation from some of the most incredible speakers on the planet. Don't miss out on this chance to elevate your life, unlock your potential, and be part of something truly special.

0:34Make sure to get your tickets right now and step into greatness with us at the Summit of Greatness 2024. Head over to lewishouse.com slash tickets and get your tickets today and I will see you there. Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:57What training or information do you think, do you wish every couple would go through before signing up for the technology of marriage? That's a great question. You know, if you buy a house, you get a lead paint disclosure, you get a HUD disclosure that talks about the loan. You get all kinds of disclosures, right? You sign a will. There's all these pages that explain to you in great detail, you know, what's happening when you sign that will. You get married, you don't even get a pamphlet. You don't even get like a one-page brochure that says, by the way, this is the most legally significant thing other than dying that you will ever do legally.

1:33And you don't get any information about what just happened. So the first thing I would say is I think everybody who's going to get married should have an hour consultation with a divorce lawyer. And learn about what's about to happen legally. What's about to happen to my rights? You know, what's about to change in terms of how I own property, the financial obligations I'll have to this person. I would also say one of the best things they could do is talk to someone candidly who's been married for an extended period of time. You know, that's not something we do. We're not encouraged to be honest about our relationships.

2:06We're not. I mean, one of the things you talk about masculinity that I loved is about, particularly for men, but I think it's true for women, too. we we don't share candidly what's really going on in our lives we're we're in a very curated society where you put up on social media the best picture and the best vacation photos and the best of everything we're doing and we don't share with each other the challenges we don't share with each other even even really relevant information like when i meet a couple who's been together for 20 years i you know i want to know i mean i love the story oh how did you meet and you know the how many times a week do you have sex?

2:45Who starts, who initiates it? Do you ask, do you always do the same stuff? Cause you've been together for 20 years and you know what each other like, or like, do you try, like, do you like call an audible every once in a while? I'll just do some wacky thing. Like, what is it like? What are you, what is it really like the day to day of your relationship? And so many people, I mean, you've been in relationships, I've been in relationships. So many people just don't talk honestly, even when I'm with my guy friends, you know, do we really talk honestly about the day to day of our relationships, the way we talk to the women in our lives, like the nickname they have for us or the nickname we have for them.

3:18Again, it's private to some degree information. But if we could share that stuff a little more, we'd have a lot more accurate of a perception of where our relationship stands in the scheme of things and how we're doing. You know, because I really think there's this perception that people have of, you know, oh, we're only having sex this many times a week. It's like, well, OK, is that a lot? Is that too little? Like you have nothing to compare it to. Right, right. You know, so in marriage, there's no way to know if you're doing well at it. Because you can't say, well, you know, we have fights every now and then.

3:50Well, okay, people have fights every now and then. But if you have a fight every week, that might be a lot. But how would you know? What would you compare it to? So I would say one of the best things you could do to people who are considering getting married is put them in a room with people who've been good at that technology, who've managed to not only endure marriage, but endure it and still like it. And thrive. Right. and thrive. Right. And still say, you know what, I'd sign on for this again. Yeah. Like in a room full of people, I'd still pick this person. Yeah. That's cool. You know, and, and, and how many of those opportunities do we really get to talk to people that way about the relationship?

4:22Not many. Yeah. And maybe also talk to someone who's been through divorce and ask them what didn't work and why didn't it work? And where did it break down? Yeah, exactly. See, one of the principles that inspired me to write the book was the idea that, you know, again, I hate using car metaphors because I'm not a car guy. But it's the best analogy I can think of in the sense that if when you bought a car, you did every bit of preventative maintenance that a mechanic told you to do. You changed the oil every two months or whatever. Yeah, my sister's a dentist, you know, and she always says to me, by the time your tooth hurts, you're screwed.

4:57Prevent it. Floss every day, not after. If you do all the stuff she tells you to do when you go see her, your teeth are going to do well. So it's for me who knows more about how a car breaks down than a mechanic right? So I know people are in my office and I get a very candid view of them and I get to talk to them and I have been very blessed that people trust me with tremendously personal information. And so what I wanted to do with that information is just find a way to leverage that into some kind of wisdom that people could use and say you know what just don't do what they did. When we were talking about titles for the book, you know, it was a hilarious escapade because, you know, one of the first ideas was, well, we'll call it Everyone's Screwing Everyone.

5:40Because it was about how people just abuse each other in the process of divorce and how they're really taking advantage of each other. And then we said, well, no, that's too pessimistic. And we said, well, you know, maybe we can, you know, just call it vows and talk about like the promises that people make. But it's not really the promises that are interesting. It's the way that people go in with good intentions with those promises and they just can't keep it together. Can't keep it, yeah.

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7:02Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.