Don’t Let Breakups Break You | Matthew Hussey EP 475

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation show.

0:10I firmly believe that taking charge of your mindset allows you to be in the driver's seat of your life and unlock your potential. And that's why I'm thrilled to share that my new book is out right now. It's called The Greatness Mindset. In it, you'll learn how to build a plan for greatness through powerful exercises and toolkits designed to propel your life forward. This is the book that I wish I had 20 years ago. It's everything I've learned in the last decade with the research and the science to help you unlock your mind. Make sure to go to lewishouse.com slash 2023mindset to pick up your copy of my book, The Greatness Mindset, today.

0:53What advice would you give to people that are feeling really lonely because they just went through a breakup, whether it be the end of the year or months ago, or maybe, you know, they just went through a breakup this week in the middle of quarantine and they're lonely. They're alone. They're emotionally hurt and they're needing that kind of quick connection. Again, they're needing, they might go back to the person because they're feeling weak and they miss that feeling of connection or love or intimacy, but they know it's not the right fit for them long-term. They know, but this is in a heightened state of vulnerability for them that they go back quicker what advice do you have to someone like that when you experience true heartbreak it is one of the most devastating feelings in this day you're a zombie and it's worse than you're dead inside you act dead to everybody else inside you feel like you're dying on the loop all day you can't get out of it yeah Yeah.

1:54In a breakup, and this is as true now, now is no different. People need to recognize that now is just a difficult breakup on steroids, but it's just the same emotions. So don't fret that, oh my God, why did it have to happen now when this was going on? You're giving it a big story. It's still just the same emotions of heartbreak. You're just experiencing them in a heightened way. And you don't have the ability to rebound physically with that person or a new person. Which we could see as a gift. Because there are plenty of things, as my brother Stephen Hussey, as he says, in a breakup, there are two methods of recovery.

2:38There's the athlete recovery method and there's the hangover recovery method. The hangover recovery method, you think about how do people deal with a hangover. they wake up they eat greasy foods because they're like oh i just need something to make me feel better they watch crap tv they lay on the sofa essentially they do all of these things that are temporary kind of pleasure and comfort but ultimately are not nutritional and are not the things that are needed to get you know what's needed massive amounts of hydration go take a walk exercise um yeah get the metabolism moving again get that like crap out of your system like that's all the stuff that's needed in that moment but it's it can feel harder to do the things that are actually going to get you out of it now look at the way an athlete recovers in an injury firstly you still train whatever you can train you don't ignore everything simply because your shoulders injured you do what you can yeah you do some abs you do some legs you do something else you eat well you get tons of rest as much rest as you possibly can you do rehab where necessary but you don't do so much that it injures what you're doing yeah you reset your vision you you visualize what you want and start mentally rehearsing the repetition the action steps you mental rehearse you you know all those things right so now if you apply that to a breakup the hangover recovery method is let's go and sleep with other people quickly just to get my fix just to feel connected just to feel like i'm worth something just to feel like i'm still sexy let me uh go out and drink party let me eat ice cream bad food and keep going to the fridge get on tinder and all the apps right or not or just hide away under the covers don't engage life don't it could be either or but they're all hangover recovery methods because they don't make you feel better long-term.

4:37They're just short-term pleasure. The athlete recovery method in a breakup is you do the same as an athlete. You say, okay, my heart might be injured right now, right? My heart's offline, so to speak, but I still have everything else. So let me make sure the rest of my life is firing on all cylinders right now. Let me do everything. Let me be kind to myself. Let's maybe like put dating aside for the moment or put that, but let me go and make platonic connections. Let me go and build my relationships with my friends and family. Let me eat well. Let me sleep well. Let me train. Let me go and do all of these things that train every other muscle in my life so that when my heart comes back online, every other part of me is ready to go.

5:20So you've got one problem right now. You're in pain, right? But if that pain causes you to let every other part of your life go down, On spiral, now you've got six problems. That's the part we want to avoid. And, you know, look, all of this is easy to say. And when you're heartbroken, you just feel like you feel so bad and so sick in your stomach and so nauseated all the time that you even hearing this sounds like a lot of work. And what I would say to people is a really manageable step is that idea that just because you have a thought, just because you have an emotion, it doesn't make it important.

5:55And in a heartbreak, just because you miss your partner, that doesn't actually make that feeling that important. Just because you feel hurt and you feel like, oh, my God, I'll never find anyone like that again. That's just a thought and an emotion that's attached to that thought. And it doesn't make it that important. And so when I was going through terrible times, when I've gone through heartbreak, I would realize, oh, for the last 20 minutes, I didn't think about my breakup. for a few minutes, even if it's just five, for five minutes, you noticed, I felt better. I felt, maybe I didn't feel amazing.

6:33I just, for five minutes, I didn't feel like I was dying. I didn't feel suffering. And what we don't acknowledge is this interesting window in the day where we didn't feel that. And that window has some clues, has some there's some truth often in that window that five percent of the day where you felt all right there's some truth there that's waiting to be discovered enlarged held under a microscope and what i would do is when i would feel better for five minutes i'd go it's possible for me to feel better i had a reference point for the fact that i could feel better and then you go if i even felt better for a minute let's make more of those what how did what was happening how did i do it i might not be able to get my day to the point where i even feel good for a quarter of the day right now but if i had one good minute or one good hour let me make the new goal not to be great or to be happy or to get over this just make more of those

7:50Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on The School of Greatness. And if you are loving The Daily Motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple podcast right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel on Apple podcast right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

8:40Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.