Feeling Lost In Life? Do This | Lisa Bilyeu EP 258

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation show.

0:10I firmly believe that taking charge of your mindset allows you to be in the driver's seat of your life and unlock your potential. And that's why I'm thrilled to share that my new book is out right now. It's called The Greatness Mindset. In it, you'll learn how to build a plan for greatness through powerful exercises and toolkits designed to propel your life forward. This is the book that I wish I had 20 years ago. It's everything I've learned in the last decade with the research and the science to help you unlock your mind. Make sure to go to lewishouse.com slash 2023mindset to pick up your copy of my book, The Greatness Mindset, today.

0:54I've seen so many people get divorced in my life. And I was like, one of the things I'm noticing is that a lot of people think that because you've got a ring on your finger that automatically things change. and I know my husband's ambitious. So why on earth, just because I'm marrying him, should that change? I know that I married an ambitious man. So when that comes to kids, what does that actually look like? So sitting with him, he was like, babe, I love you. I'll love the kids. Like if you want children, like there's a part of me that really wants it. And so he said, I'd be so on board. He's like, but let's be very clear.

1:24I'm not the person coming home at 7 p.m. From Monday to Friday, I'm not waking up in the middle of the night. He literally was like, even a newborn. This is the thing I've told Martha. I've told Martha, I was like, listen, I want kids, but this is going to be my mission. And I'm not just saying this and it's going to change. Like you have to accept it. And she's like, I like that. That was the way my father was. So he was like, so when we talk about having kids, he's like, you know, if you want to do both business and have kids as well, you have to bear in mind, you know, how I want to, you know, show off.

1:56Yeah. And so he was the thing. He's like, I want to be present for that. Of course. But then this is where the third question and had to come up. All right. So if you're not going to be home, 7 p.m. at night, having dinner, if you're not getting up in the middle of the night to do the diaper changes and all of that, that's fine. You've been very honest. Let's lay out before we have the children. Don't want to find out once I've had the kids that this is how you want to be. And then what happens now? Like on the weekends? And he's like, oh, well, of course, I want to be a great father. I do not want to be an absent father.

2:26So I'll make sure that I spend time with them. So then I said, where's time for me? And you have to have that discussion. Right. And so he was like, yeah, we need to talk about that. And then the same for me. If I'm taking care of the kids all day and it's like, where's the time for him? And so we just said, are you okay with being bumped down on my priority list? And so we had that discussion. I said, no, I'm actually not okay. I want to be your number one. And he's like, yeah, I want to be your number one too. Is there a world where you can be each other's number one, the kids can be happy and supported and you can thrive in business?

3:00Maybe. and that's very like i think everyone needs to see what that actually looks like for them but i'm so logistical yeah like my my that's how my mind works i'm like well where are the hours but there aren't enough hours in the day but how would you actually do that now here's the thing when i even say priority monday to friday my hours are way more prioritized between business than personal sure like i don't really see tom like we kiss each other good morning and then we like kiss each other good night or and we have business meetings during the day like that's that's our relationship interaction we've decided that we've cultivated it together we've worked on it together so the amount of hours that go towards my business versus my personal it's definitely business sure but i'm so not conflicted on what is my priority that i would burn my company to the ground in a heartbeat if my husband needed me to i would if he said hey look we're starting to fracture i would immediately stop doing my interviews.

3:56I would tell my company, the people in our company, hey, I can't be present right now. You'd pause what you need to to get back on track. Yes. So my relationship is definitely my priority. Have you seen a model of a woman who has, you know, built a massive business or impact with their business and has a healthy marriage and has children? Have you seen a model out there? I don't really know what's happening with people's marriages, right? So I can only say from the outside. And that's why Like Tom and I, it's like, we work so hard on our relationship, so hard. It's like, we work harder on that, I think, than we do our business.

4:33I know how hard it is from our perspective and what we're looking for in our relationship. Right, right, right, right. So I don't want to judge other people. But from the outside, the person I'm like, I need to talk to her. Like, I actually need to ask her if she's really close to her husband. Sarah Blatheed. I was going to say, they're incredible. Now, I'm not saying that I don't know 100 % of how their relationship is, but it seems to me like they've figured out a model that works for them. Yeah. Which is really inspiring. Usually you see people who have family and businesses, maybe the relationship has taken a back seat.

5:04And that's not exciting to me. And I think that it's very powerful. And like you said, it seems like they're amazing. They're both individuals. It's beautiful to see these two people who can really own their own thing, what they love to do. It seems like they go and crush it and then have this beautiful family. and there's something that you said that I forgot to leave out earlier. I did process that and I decided I didn't want a nanny. That was part of my decision making. So many women do it. No judgment. I think that's amazing. I grew up with au pairs in my house. And so I looked at that situation.

5:35I was like, but then I'd need someone to live in my house to help to get up in the middle of the night and help. And I was like, that's not a lifestyle I want. And so kind of going, what's the solution? Is that a lifestyle you want? And I just was brought up with my mum was a stay-at-home mum. You know like for half of my life and then she had to go to work But when I think about how beautiful it was that my mom was standing at my school game waiting for me Beautiful and so I just go what what what mom do I actually want to be? I didn't want to be the type of mother that felt like I was getting pulled in two different directions And so again, I only respect women that are making decisions are right for them I just knew the important thing is don't act how everyone else is doing do it the way you want to do it Yeah, I think that's great.

6:20And that's the thing. I think everything does come with a challenge, right? So really... Having kids, not having kids, building a business, not building a business. Like, where do you want to put your effort? And it was actually, who was it? Someone was on Impact Theory Tom's show, and someone had said, it stuck with me forever, I mean, years. He went to a therapist to talk about your relationship. Is your goal to have a successful relationship in life? And they were like, yes. It's like, okay, if you can embrace, all relationships are going to be hard. All relationships are going to take a lot of energy.

6:48So now the question needs to be, is this the person that is worth that energy?

7:10Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

8:00Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

8:15Thank you.