He Didn't Say I Love You For 28 Years | Gary John Bishop

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0:41It's hard to see a relationship in terms of anything other than you and another person. Yeah. When you start to see who you are in it, just take a start from out and say, who am I here? Who am I? Take away all your best efforts and all your positivity and all your justifications. Take all that away and just look at it in the cold light of day. Say, who am I here? It's hard to tell yourself I'm judgmental and I'm cynical and I'm da-da-da. But if you look, you'll see that playing out. You'll see it playing out right in front of your face. And that paradigm and that way of thinking, my wife never stood a chance.

1:19Wow. Not a chance. You have no hope against what I'm driven to do until I saw what I'm driven to do. What made you wake up and see that? I'd actually started to come to terms with how one of my endearing traits, if you like, is I'm hardworking. So I will grind it up. I'll just see this thing through. But what I really struggled with was vulnerability and love. I couldn't love this woman. Fully. I couldn't. All I could do was show her that I cared by working harder. right? Like, you'll never have to worry about anything. I'm just going to keep grinding it out and grinding it out. And it was myopic.

2:03It was like, you know, these blinkers on. How long did it take for you to realize you couldn't love her? Oh, I mean, I was convinced I was loving her. But she didn't feel like you were loving her. No, because, you know, she's from a very similar background and like, so culturally, you're very influenced. You know, you're very influenced culturally. And so whatever you came out of, you're either going to reflect that or rebel against it. You're going to be one or the other. And so I reflected a lot of that kind of Glasgow, kind of cultural, tough, you know. That's who I am. Yeah. You identified it.

2:37It's your identity, yeah. Right. And the big breakthrough came for me when I realized, and it was amazing, I'll never get over this, right? And it happened 15 years ago, and I'll never get over it. When I realized that I hadn't told my mom that I'd loved her since I was 12. Wow. why didn't you tell her? Because I'd went from being a player in my own family to becoming a spectator. I'd gone from being on the field and I'd taken one too many knocks and I thought, I'm coming at. And I didn't consciously do it. It's just kind of where I went. And so telling my mom that I loved her was, like it just, I remember being a kid and telling my mom I loved her.

3:23I remember holding her leg and I remember holding her hand and I remember all of that stuff. And then I just remember like me here, her there, and now I'm just going to kind of observe the job she's doing. And it was not a great observation. It was not a great commentary. It was a judgment. Big time, in my opinion, about what she should have been doing, how she should have been parenting me, and how I should be raised and da-da-da-da-da-da-da, and I'm just a kid, which is all fine, but it had an impact. Of course. And the impact was I'm here, you're there, and never the twine shall meet. when I realized not only that, but how that had played out now, who I'd become, I realized, and this was a time in my life when I used to, I'd call my mom every week, but it was, you know, how are you doing?

4:09You know, the neighbor's dog's barking. Right. You know, the weather's terrible. There was no intimacy. There was no vulnerability. Nothing. It was like a check, checking through the boxes. And I called her up and I said, hey, how are you doing? And she goes, yeah, good. And I said, I need to talk to you. She goes, okay, you know, she's completely indifferent to whatever the heck I'm saying. And I goes, I said to her, I'm sorry. And there was like a silence. She said, for what? And I said, I judged you for the way you raised me. She's silent. And then I said to her, I never knew what it was like for you.

4:50She's still silent. and I said, I love you. And I could, like the last word, I'm getting moved by it right now. Like the last words are coming at my mouth and like my lips trembling. And she said, I love you too, baby. Wow. Oh my gosh. Did she tell you she loved you in between this time? No, we had both had this kind of thing, you know? How old were you when this happened? 40. So you spent 28 years not telling her. Wow. And so I'm like sobbing. I'm like, it's all coming out. And I really got like my job from that point. I got how I wasn't a loving man. Wow. That was the truth. I wasn't a loving man.

5:37I could be your partner, but don't expect me to love you. Wow. And then when that just started to gush out, like now I can just freely love my wife. It was like the gates were open. and I started this revolution and my family, it was crazy. I've got three older sisters, you know, and so I called them all. I'm like, I haven't been telling you I love you and I love you and they're all like, what the hell's going on? Who are you? What's going on with you? And I'm like, I just go. Like, I don't tell the people in my life who matter to me how much I truly love them.

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7:53Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

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