HEALING Childhood Wounds: The Key to Attracting HEALTHY Relationships| Martha Higareda EP 666

0:03Hey everyone, this is Lewis Howes and I am so excited to invite you to the Summit of Greatness 2024 for happening at the iconic Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, California. This is more than just an event. It's a powerful experience designed to ignite your passion, boost your growth, and connect you with a community of other inspiring achievers. Join us Friday, September 13th, and Saturday, September 14th for two days packed with inspiration and transformation from some of the most incredible speakers on the planet. Don't miss out on this chance to elevate your life, unlock your potential, and be part of something truly special.

0:38Make sure to get your tickets right now and step into greatness with us at the Summit of Greatness 2024. Head over to lewishouse.com slash tickets and get your tickets today, and I will see you there. Hi, my name is Lewis Howes, and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

1:01Why do women not like the nice guy? Well, I do. Why do some women not fall for a healthy, nice, conscious man, and they fall for a man that has likes and interests, but doesn't have a healthy relationship with themselves and doesn't treat others well? They haven't addressed that. They're looking for love as a wounded child, as opposed to being open to love as an adult, which is, I think, this is the way you and I met. We were not anymore looking for love. Right. Although healing is a never-ending journey, we were very aware of what was the inner child wounds that was having you attracting certain type of women and me, certain type of men.

1:50The first step is to be aware of it. And then you start noticing, oh. And then something happens. Did it happen to you, Luis? Because for me, it was this integration of my inner child. This moment, these exercises that I would do in which I would say, oh, my God, I got myself. You know, Nilda is my therapist, you know. And she said to me back in the day when I was in a relationship, this person yelling at me all the time, you know, like all these things. and she would say, don't say he's yelling at me. He just yells. It just doesn't go with you. Right, and you can either choose to accept it or not.

2:29Or get out of there. But changing it is actually something that you've got to look at within yourself. If I don't accept who this person is, it doesn't mean they're right or wrong, good or bad. It just means it's not a good match for me. You have to be okay with it if the other person doesn't want to change. And you have to evaluate, okay, am I happy removing myself from this relationship? even though there might be some other benefits but can I deal with the parts that cause the most stress and pain and I think again not everyone is bad all the time or something but are the things that I don't like or don't match or align with if it never changes am I accepting it and okay with it and I think if you're not willing to accept who they are now you can't expect them to change later you know one of the things that we got you know into our relationship and the dating process i was just like you know it's non-negotiable for for me and us to not yell we can disagree we can argue but screaming and yelling does not work for me and had i experienced that with you in the first another six months or a year i might have been like huh okay this is something that you do maybe from time to time you haven't done that but i would witness it and be like okay this doesn't work for me and having a conscious conversation saying hey if this is the way you're going to be at times let me know because it doesn't work for me yeah or am i able to accept you if there's a lot of other good that happens yeah i think that's those little nuances are hard for sometimes for people to decide yeah because everybody wants to be loved and so then now finally you're in a relationship finally you have the chemistry the kisses the do you know do you know how it feels and then you're thinking well if I'm single again well I find someone who's good and I don't want to be alone and all these things but wait a second there are all these things that are great okay all these things that are bad okay but maybe with time and then you hand them the book then you hand them the podcast no and then you become the coach people don't want to change though people don't want to change who they are when they're in a relationship no before you I've chosen many relationships where I felt resistance I felt like I didn't want to change but the only way to make this person happy was if I changed so many different things and that was on me for deciding to adjust and change and adapt to make someone happy as opposed to just being full authentic yourself and being in a relationship where you commit to personal growth individually.

4:55I think that's something we've done really well is committing to being in a process of personal growth individually, both having emotional coaching and saying, hey, I'm going to grow whether we're together or not. And you're going to grow whether we're together or not. So let's make that commitment and pact from the beginning, which I think creates a lot of safety in the relationship for both of us, knowing this person's not going to stop improving. They're not going to stop learning. They're going to keep having a beginner's mind about their emotions, their relationship to themselves, how they navigate stress, knowing we're never perfect human beings, but we're in a process of growth.

5:37I think that commitment to growth gives us a lot of peace. There's so many things that I feel so grateful for the way we started our relationship and how it happened. And I feel so grateful for your past and my past. I feel very, very grateful for that. Because if you didn't live the things you lived and I didn't live the things I lived, we wouldn't have met when we needed to meet to continue the growth process.

6:12Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation. And I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you wanna get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

7:07Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.