How Healthy Boundaries Can Change Your Life | Nedra Glover Tawwab

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:08I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy. And if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life, and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you want to make it easier, you want to make it flow, you want to feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy. I really think this is going to help you transform your relationship with money this moment moving forward. We have some big guests and content coming up. Make sure you're following and stay tuned to this episode of The Daily Motivation Show.

0:49We think that acceptance looks like everything will be better, when in actuality it is seeing a person as they are and knowing that you are powerless to change it. Yeah. So this is my mother. This is my mother and father. This is my sibling. You can want something to be different until the end of time, but this is the situation. Given the situation I have, what do I want to do about it? Often, we want the other person to do something about it. The person who has exhibited all of these things, we're like, why don't you get sober? Why don't you start being more nurturing? You don't call me more often.

1:31You're not doing this. I had a game and you didn't. It's like the acceptance of that is this person is whatever this thing is. How do I be in this relationship with them or choose not to be in this relationship with them? How do I create closeness? How do I create distance? What can I do to change this situation? Because we're often trying to change people who aren't interested in changing. They aren't going to therapy. They aren't reading these books. It's like you getting the enlightenment and being like, oh, they need to change now that I know this term for them. It's like they're a gaslighter.

2:10They must change. It's like, they're not reading that book. They don't want to change. They're fine with their behavior. So what will you do when, you know, they continue to do these things? Why do you think it's so hard for us to accept the people we love the most? Because we would rather put the duty of doing the work on others. The work that we have to do in our relationships with people. It's almost like we get upset with them for making us do the work. When really, they're just being themselves. If you don't want to be treated like a child, how do you become more of an adult? you create those boundaries.

2:49So when your mom is like, tell me about your girlfriend, you're like, I don't want to talk about it. And then your mom is like, oh, he doesn't have to tell me everything anymore. So it's you doing that work. Your mom can always ask and you can always place that boundary. Exactly. And you say, I don't want to talk about it right now. Mom, let's talk about something else or whatever. You have to be the person to say that because your mom is operating in the capacity that she knows. Absolutely, yeah. One of the things we get wrong is that if we are honest about what the relationship is, that we will lose our love for the person.

3:27If I say my mother was unkind, that means I don't love her. No, that doesn't mean you don't love her. It just means she was unkind. Maybe sometimes, maybe all the time. I don't know, but you could still love people who do things to you or who cause you to feel a certain way. And sometimes we don't know that. We think if we say anything bad about someone, it means that we don't love them, that we're betraying them. And both of those things can exist. When I find people talking about their parents, they will say all of these nice qualities because they're trying to make them not seem like a bad person.

4:03When we talk about our partners, we'll say, you know, I really love this person. They've been there for me. They always listen to me. We are trying to say, I really love them. And I don't want to say anything bad about them. And we don't have to protect the truth. We don't have to protect the person from everything that we feel about them. One thing we've been practicing in our house, I have two daughters. And they are at that age where they bicker all the time. Oh, she's annoying. And I say, everyone in this house is annoying. You, your sister, your dad, the dog, the TV, sometimes it's too loud.

4:42This is normal in relationships. We're not going to always get it right. And if we have an expectation of perfection in a relationship, sometimes I'm going to say the wrong thing. And I want you to be able to, you know what? Sometimes you say the wrong thing. Sometimes you're unkind. Sometimes you annoy me. That happens. in relationships. And we should be able to talk about the totality of the relationship, not just the good parts. And, you know, they're really amazing in these ways, but, you know, I felt neglected when. That really hurt when you said, I wish you would have done more of. Those are also things we should say.

5:24It's a part of being in relationship that it doesn't have to be perfect to exist. We can talk about all parts of it. It doesn't mean that the relationship is bad or we don't want to be in it. It just means that we're being honest.

5:52Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation. And I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description that will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

6:42Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

6:55Thank you.