How To Become More Confident | Katy Milkman

0:00I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy and if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you wanna make it easier, you wanna make it flow, you wanna feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy. I really think this is gonna help you transform your relationship with money this moment moving forward. We have some big guests and content coming up. Make sure you're following and stay tuned to this episode of The Daily Motivation Show.

0:38Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to The Daily Motivation Show.

0:49We do have a really amazing psychological immune system where we sort of figure out ways to still end up satisfied and somewhat happier than maybe we would if we took everything at face value so we can bounce back. And I actually think fresh starts and the fact that the fresh start effect exists may be related to sort of the psychological immune system for all the failure that we, you know, constantly fail at our goals. Goals are hard to achieve. Most of them we fail at. And we have built these ways to sort of stand up again and say, okay, but this time it's going to be different. And it's probably a good thing by and large.

1:27But of course, it's not perfect. And the more we fail, the more difficult it is to for that psychological immune system to win. And what about the more we keep our word to ourselves? Do we build more confidence and self-esteem and momentum towards achieving other goals as well? Yes, absolutely. Especially if we're tracking and we can sort of give ourselves that pat on the back. If it's visible to others, sort of the more things that reinforce what we're achieving, I think the better in terms of giving us that boost. It's interesting. There's some new work that's starting to be done on the power of streaks and visible streaks and sort of seeing like - Like momentum, like - Exactly.

2:04Like there's apps like Duolingo. It's just trying to get people to learn a new language and they're really making it prominent to you. Look, you've done it five days and we'll keep the streak going. And they're really trying to play into that momentum and psychological momentum and streaks. They do build and they make us feel like, okay, you know, I don't want to lose what I've achieved and accomplished. and that's very motivating. What would you say is the number one thing we need to know about changing our behavior for the better? The number one thing, that is the importance of not just sort of taking any of these different tactics off the shelf that we've been talking about, but trying to figure out what are the barriers for you and match the tools that you put together to build your strategy to what's holding you back.

2:45So if you're struggling with, I just dread doing this activity, then find a way to make it fun. If you don't believe you can, then you need a new social structure and set of supports. And like you're going to, maybe everybody can benefit a bit from all of these things. If you're procrastinating, create a commitment device, like find yourself if you put it off any longer so that you'll no longer consider doing that. So what is the barrier? And then make sure you double down on creating the structures that will be relevant. I think there's sort of like two categories of scientists who study this stuff.

3:16The superhumans, and they are out there who are like so self-controlled and amazing. And they look around at like all the little ants around them and they're like, what's wrong with you? This is so peculiar, let me study it. And then there's the other group, which I fall into, which is the people are sort of like, God, I'm a mess. I'm struggling, let me improve myself. Yes. What's the solution? Yeah, like let's find scientific, so I'm the messy category. I've talked about the idea of wants and shoulds. Wants being like the things that provide us with instant gratification and shoulds being the things that are good for us in the long run.

3:46But they're not always candy. and salad, right? Sometimes some of us get mixed up on those wants and shoulds. And for me, the want this year has always been like, oh, I feel like I have this mission and it has overtaken some of the things that are really important and really should be at the center. You know, having a five-year-old, having a family and making sure that that's a priority. So having more balance is my biggest challenge right now. So the procrastination problem, what in that chapter on the procrastination problem, What tool should you be looking at more and how should you be applying that tool from the moment you leave this interview for the next couple of months?

4:24How could you integrate that tool into your life? Accountability and commitment are some of the things that are probably the most powerful here. One of the studies that I talk about in that chapter has to do with pledges and the power of doctors who were overprescribing unnecessary antibiotics to their patients. ended up doing that less so when they put a formal pledge up in their office saying, you know, when you come in, you've got a stuffy nose and you're begging me for your antibiotic. I don't do that. It's not recommended by best practice. And I follow best practice. This is not what I should be doing.

4:55That pledge reduced that dramatically. I think sort of pledges, my partner is someone who I can have holding me accountable, setting hours and sort of planning around what are those hours and what are they going to be allocated to? like am I really going to work on Friday and Saturday night until 11 p.m. instead of taking time for myself and my family. I've already instituted this in part because of these issues. Like my phone goes away during dinner with my family. When we're out doing activities, it needs to be away because otherwise I'll be tempted to check and see, oh, you know, is there something coming up from work that I should be responding to?

5:30So it is a little bit backwards, but the tools apply whether or not the things that are tugging you in the wrong direction are pizza and junk food or work.

5:57Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation. And I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description that will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

6:47Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

7:02Thank you.