How To Build A Thriving Marriage Around Money & Adventure | Codie Sanchez

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

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0:49Speaking of love and money, what has marriage taught you about abundance or what to look out for around money and love? The biggest thing that my husband has taught me about money, I think, well, he has a couple of things. One that he, that I love that he always says, which is that there's a hundred percent return on fun. And so one of the things that he's really good at doing is we don't really spend on fancy things. We got a few nice, nice things, but we spend a lot of experiences together. And so he kind of taught me that he's like, you got to enjoy it along the ride. Yes. And a lot of us high performers, I'm sure people at greatness, you know, they're workaholics.

1:31We work a lot. And so having a partner who is the opposite of you, like who's the fun one in your relationship? Who wants to do more fun activities? I'm pretty fun, but I like to, I mean, she loves adventure all the time. Interesting. I'm pretty playful and fun. Yeah. She's like, every day is an adventure. She wants to do more activities. And I'm like, after I work hard, I'm like, I just want to chill. You know, she's like, let's go do this now. And I'm like, we just relax. So she's Chris, my husband. And I'm more like you. And it's been really wonderful because he pushes me. Otherwise, I'm working all the time and I'm tired.

2:02He pushes you to play. He pushes me to play. And I'm pretty fun, but I get in my zone. Yeah, you want to work. You're focused. Yeah. And so I think it's good to have a little bit of both of that. The other thing that he taught me about money, though, is, you know, I'm really good at making money. And he's really good at protecting us. So, you know, I think it's nice in a relationship to have people who have two different lanes. Protecting you in what way? besides physically, since he's a military beast. Exactly. My security guard. But emotionally, financially, you know, spiritually, like how does he protect you?

2:34Yeah, I think, well, certainly these days he's a lot more protective of like, hey, I don't think these people are working our best interest. You know, hey, do we really want this person to be employed by us? I noticed these characteristics. So he's just a lot more downside focused where I'm pretty optimistic. Yeah, yeah. You know, and in his world, it's nice having a military friend because their mistakes are life and death, which means, you know, an entrepreneur, you have to be kind of wildly optimistic or you'll never succeed. Yes. But if you want to keep your money, you have to be slightly pessimistic.

3:08And so it's good to have that balance. And also we play a game where it's like, what role are we playing? You know? And so my role in a lot of instances right now is I'm like the big, let's go after it. Let's look at these big, huge things. and then he kind of looks at the downside of them. And then our venture fund, he brings me a lot of different ideas and he calls me Captain No because I don't like any startup. So it, you know, we, and then we don't fight because we know we're both playing a role. It's preordained. Wow. What are the questions you guys talked about before getting married around money or conversations you wish you would have had before getting married around money?

3:46Yeah. Well, he, I was married previously and then, you know, got divorced. And so when we first got together, people are going to be like, she's a psychopath. But I remember we did a whiteboarding session and it was actually more about what do you want out of life? It wasn't so much money because money is a byproduct of action and money is a byproduct of vision, I think. And so in my last marriage, he wasn't a bad guy or anything. Like, I wish him well. We are different. We want different things from life. But what I realized is like, I want this huge, abundant, crazy life that's stressful and requires a ton of work.

4:27Chaotic in moments. Yeah, exactly. And I wanted to see if Chris wanted that same thing. And so we basically sat down and I said, I want you to tell me, like, what does our life look like in one, three, five, ten years? Like kind of play it out. So I think we eventually went for like three years and ten years and we wrote that out. I said, what does our life look like with kids? What does our life look like with money? How much are we worth? You know, what do we, what does our day to day look like? Where do we live? And we did it from a place of fun. So we would kind of like, and then we came and saw like, where do we overlap?

4:56And we do this every year. We do goal setting every year together on New Year's. And we go to a cool destination and we think about what does the next year look like? Because one of the things that he taught me too is don't tell me what you want. Tell me what you're willing to sacrifice to get it. And so if we have this big vision, you can't go, hey, I want to make a hundred million this year and travel all year and take a bunch of vacation and relax. Yeah, and learn a new language. Yeah, yeah. No, it's not going to work. And so we have to agree on the sacrifices. Yeah. And that was really, really important.

5:25And I didn't do that in my first marriage. In fact, when we were getting divorced, I did it. I was like, I think we're moving in different directions. Let's write down what we want. And, you know, he was like, well, I want what you want. And I was like, I don't think you do. And so we sat and wrote them down and they were different. and they were materially different and neither was wrong. We just didn't go into the marriage with our eyes wide open. And it doesn't mean it can't work in some ways if you want different things, but you have to be aligned and accepting of the other person's vision in the relationship as well.

5:57That's exactly right.

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6:54Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.