How to Build Bulletproof Self-Esteem After Rejection | Guy Winch EP 906

0:00There are two big things happening at one time that I've never done before. I'm going on a book tour for my new book, Make Money Easy, and I'm doing a podcast tour at the same time. It is going to be big, and I'm going to seven cities in 10 days. Get your friends, get your family, bring everyone you know to these cities. I'm coming to Austin, Texas, New York, Boston. We're going to Nashville. Then we're going to Los Angeles, San Diego, and San Francisco. Make sure to get your tickets right now. go to lewishouse.com slash tour again bring everyone you know if you're looking to create more financial freedom and abundance in your life and you want to see a massive guest live on the school of greatness show get your tickets i can't wait to see you there hi my name is lewis house and welcome to the daily motivation show

0:59Why do so many people take it personally when they get rejected in a dating situation or relationship? It's not only that, they take it personally and then they generalize it to mean something even bigger than what it does. I'm never find love. Really? She just didn't sway back. That seems like a leap in inference to make from that, but it's a very natural thing we do. We assume it's us. Now, literally, people do that when they text it with somebody back and forth for a bit, and then that person disappears. You have no idea if you're even talking to a real person. You have no idea. That person might be in the hospital.

1:31They might have been chatting with you to piss off the person they're actually living with at the time. They might be going through whatever week at work. There's a thousand things that can be going on for you to assume that you did something wrong in five texts that was so bad that it's completely unnecessary. But that's where the mind goes. So let's stop that damage. That's the first thing to not do. But the thing you can do is the opposite. You want to remind yourself in those moments of what you bring to the table, what you do have to offer. Now, you can't fool yourself. You can't say to yourself, I'm the most gorgeous person in the world if you're not.

2:07And if the feedback that you get is that you're not because your mind won't believe that, you know, we have this automatic way of thinking that will reject things that fall outside the sphere of what it considers believable. And so you can't just like convince yourself of something that's not true. You have to focus on the things that are. So think about your best attributes. I have amazing eyes. I know I'm going to find someone who will want to gaze into them. I am such a great listener. I'm emotionally available and I'm always up for doing things. Those are wonderful qualities and characters that somebody will appreciate, et cetera.

2:41You actually review what is worthwhile about you and not do the opposite. It almost sounds like before you start dating or getting into a relationship, one of the best things that you can do for yourself is build your self-esteem is what it sounds like. Because when you have a quality or high level of self-esteem, you're not going to get into a relationship that's not good for you. You're not going to stay in one that where someone's treating you poorly or not respecting your boundaries, or you're not going to take the scraps of something because you're just lonely. Right? So building self-esteem sounds like a great foundation for the individual before even getting into a relationship.

3:20It is doing, and the way you do that is doing what you did in your relationship on an individual level. I.e. you get to know yourself and you get to accept yourself. All the parts of you. All the parts of you, because there's no one who's perfect, right? Every good quality you have comes with a downside. It's going to be true of everyone, right? Let me examine for yourself. For me? Yeah, what's a good quality that comes with a downside? I can think of several, but okay.

3:54I have a sense of humor. You're very funny. I enjoy my sense of humor. I sometimes deploy it in ways that are maybe not... Bad timing or something? Yes, because if the joke is going to be funny, I'm going to say it no matter what just because I can't pass it up, and I am going to be upsetting someone by doing so. Potentially. I try not to. It leaks out in sessions sometimes. When they're sad and like, yeah, whatever. Inappropriate moments. I'll give you a quote, you know, and I'll give you, this is terrible. Actually, I shouldn't do it just because it makes me sound so bad. Now you have to do it.

4:33You have to do it. Okay, I'm not going to say anything about the person, but it was a session in which somebody was having an issue in a relationship. And I was challenging them on why they're not, you know, setting more limits with their partner who needed limits set with them. So boundaries. Right. And they said, yeah, that's how it is. And this person was very successful, you know, and they said, that's how it is. I'm a lion in the boardroom. and a pussycat in the bedroom. And I said, I agree with every word except cat. It was funny to me, not funny to the other person. I apologized for it.

5:05I apologize again if they happened to be listening. But the point is actually sound. Of course. I didn't need to, but the joke was dangling and I couldn't. And so here's a thing that has a downside. Sure, sure, sure. Somebody who's very, very, let's say, conscientious about things. that's a wonderful thing that they're conscientious. But it's also a standard that they're probably going to likely have that they'll likely want to hold you to as well. So lovely to receive it, but then they're going to be expecting it. And so that can be a pain, you know, sometimes. I mean, there's always a downside to things.

5:42So you just have to learn to accept and to go, this is great. Yes, it comes with that. I'll accept it because I like that. Yeah, exactly.

5:55Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on The School of Greatness. And if you are loving The Daily Motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

6:45Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.