How To Build Long-Lasting Love In Your Relationships | Craig Groeschel

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0:51What do you feel like is the thing every man should give to their wife more that would bring more joy, peace, and love to the relationship and every woman should bring to their husband more. That would create more peace, love, respect, and abundance. It's a great question from someone who's dating right now. Exactly. That's a pretty serious great question. So I would say, first way I would say is what we want to do is find what is their love language and we want to love them in that language. We don't want to love them the way we want to be loved. We want to love them the way they want to be loved.

1:27So that's the first thing. The second thing is that women generally want to know, do you love, cherish, and value me today? So they want love, cherish, and value. What a man usually wants is some version of, do you believe in me and respect me today? Those are two different things. And so what tends to happen is a woman wants to be loved, cherished, and valued, so she wants to love, cherish, and value her husband and kind of that more intimate. and a guy wants to be respected and admired. And so he may say, you look beautiful, kind of admiring her looks or whatever. And at some point she's like, I want to be more than just a physical person to you.

2:07I want to be an emotional person. And so I would say what I want to do for Amy is I want to love, cherish her and value her. And then the way she loves me is more the belief in me, admire, you know. And so I tend to think that your spouse is often becoming more of what you see in them and say about them. If you see greatness and speak greatness. And so if you don't like what you're getting in a relationship, you need to look at what you're giving. True. And so we're either investing in helping someone become more or we're tearing down and becoming less. And if I give her affection, give her the words that build her up, love her in her language, and she gets back to me, then it starts compounding.

2:59Absolutely. It's not perfect by any means. Sure, sure. But it becomes rich and meaningful, and then you can endure the hard times. If I'm tearing her down, she's telling me, you're nothing, whatever. I wish you were something like so-and-so. It robs me of confidence. It robs me of intimacy, and it spirals in the wrong way. I love that. I'm really careful about the words I use in my relationship with Martha. I don't think I, I don't know if I'm ever critical of her. And I think I was telling you off camera, I was like, once I decided I'm going to be committed to you, I'm going to accept you for who you are.

3:31So why would I be critical of things if I'm accepting of you? Right. And that doesn't mean I won't give her an opinion if she asked for it. and sometimes I'll say, hey, listen, would you like a suggestion about what I'm noticing that's happening right now? Some suggestions, some feedback, only if you're open to it. But I'm not going to be, yeah, because I don't want someone to be like, you need to stop doing this, this, and this, this, because I'm not going to receive that well. See if I want the feedback first. Right. Maybe encourage some good things in me first and then, you know, 100%. And then be like, hey, but this one thing you're doing over here, you know, I see it maybe affecting you.

4:08Yeah. You may want to take a look at it. That's brilliant. You know what I mean? Yeah. And what you're doing is you're working on your relationship. I call it working on it in non-conflict times. Yes. Not at 2 a.m. when you're tired. No, no. And what you're doing is brilliant, too. So here's what we've learned to do is it's evening time. The kids are in bed and we'll have kind of a marriage checkup. And so I'll say, what are three things that I'm doing that are blessing you? And what's one suggestion of a way I could love you better? So what does that do? Three things. She'll often tell me things that I'm doing that are not what I thought were blessing.

4:43I'm like, oh, I just want you flowers. She doesn't really care. Yeah. But I helped go spend time with her grandkids. She cared about that. So it helps me know what are the three things. And then there's three things. And then what's one way I could love you better? Not one way I'm horrible at, but one way I could do better. That's positive. Yes. But then she gets to, after affirming me, give me something that really might be a complaint. That's good. It really bothers me when you do this, but it's framed. I like that. And then we do it both ways. And we've had so we've learned so much. I like that.

5:12We learned it so much.

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6:08Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

6:23Thank you.