How To Build Self-Confidence | EP 916

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:09There are two big things happening at one time that I've never done before. I'm going on a book tour for my new book, Make Money Easy, and I'm doing a podcast tour at the same time. It is going to be big, and I'm going to seven cities in 10 days. Get your friends, get your family, bring everyone you know to these cities. I'm coming to Austin, Texas, New York, Boston. We're going to Nashville. Then we're going to Los Angeles, San Diego, and San Francisco. Make sure to get your tickets right now. Go to lewishouse.com slash tour. Again, bring everyone you know if you're looking to create more financial freedom and abundance in your life.

0:49And you want to see a massive guest live on the School of Greatness show. Get your tickets. I can't wait to see you there.

0:59A lot of people who their self-esteem need is so important to them. What's really going on with them underneath it is they have a fear of shame. In terms of what? Like if I fail, then I'm... If they fail, they'll be shamed. They'll be revealed as not as smart as they thought they were or not as great as they thought they were. I think the best way to look at self-esteem, the healthiest form of self-esteem, is as it's not something that you shoot for. The problem with people who show mental health issues is that they have made self-esteem itself the goal, as opposed to the outgrowth of a natural outgrowth of healthy pride in something you built, some form of mastery, as well as your social relationships.

1:37Becoming fully human was how can you kind of bring your whole self to the table, you know, not just like your talent, you know. You can become self-actualized and not be very transcendent, not give back to others, not kind of get outside yourself. The self-actualizing non-transcender is the person who goes to work, They clock in, they do their job. Maybe their job isn't something that necessarily contributes much to society, but they're good and they go home. It's not fulfilling to them personally. It might even be a little bit fulfilling, but it's not something that's really getting outside of themselves.

2:10These are values that you don't need to do them for any other reason. Truth, justice, beauty, meaningfulness. He has a long list of the B values. They call it the B values. Perfection. You strive for excellence for excellence sake. You strive for beauty for beauty sake. You strive for truth from truth. Not to get likes, not to get followers, not for accomplishments, but just to be in that state. To be. You know, you want more meaning in your life, not so that you get famous. Healthy Transcendent is an emergent phenomenon resulting from the harmonious integration of one's whole self in the service of cultivating the good society.

2:45When we're in the deficiency realm or we're deficiently motivated, so another way of saying is deficiency motivation versus growth motivation. when we're in the realm of deficiency motivation we're motivated by what we are lacking we basically are screaming for the things we're lacking in the world like if we're hungry feed me you know if we're lonely like be my friend you know which paradoxically makes people not want to be friends with you because you come across as needy and that's really an interesting paradox but the growth realm of human existence is a whole different realm if you can get to the growth realm of being you no longer want the world to conform to you you actually start admiring the world on its own terms.

3:22You start to admire people on their own terms. And that's called B-love, love for the being of others. That's what Maslow called it. So in the D-realm, you have the need for connection. But in the B-realm, you have B-love, which is just love for the being of others, not for what they offer to you. So what I did with the sailboat is the boat itself is the D-realm, right? You need, if you have too many holes in the boat, you know, the boat's going to sink, right? The water's going to come in and sink. if you're too deficient in the needs for safety, the need for connection, the need for self-esteem, and they all work together as a system is another point I want to make.

3:55It's a feedback loop. I call it the insecurity cycle. People who are deficient in any one of those three tend to start quickly becoming deficient in the other two. But if the boat is safe and secure, you're still not going to go anywhere unless you open up the sail, right? So it's not enough to just be safe and secure. Some people are acting these days like the ultimate is just to no longer lack what they have and then they're going to be happy. It's like, no, no, no, there needs to be something above zero, right? You can't just get from negative 50 to zero, right? You go to a psychologist and you're anxious.

4:25You have generalized anxiety disorder. Are you just satisfied if you leave the psychologist no longer being anxious in the world? There's still nothing ratted. Once you can open the sail and move with a vulnerability against the inevitable winds and waves of the sea, you move in a purposeful direction with a spirit of exploration, be love, and purpose. despite knowing that the waves could come crashing down on us at any time. And even though we're all in our own boat, we're moving in the same sea together. So that wave can come crashing on many boats at the same time. So we need to be connected to the rest of humanity and also still have that bravery and exploration drive to just go despite our fears, you know?

5:02And that's the sailboat metaphor, is you have to open that sail ultimately or else you're not going to grow. You know, you have to get outside your comfort zone.

5:23Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on The School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

6:13Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

6:28Thank you.