How To Deal With Regrets In Life | Barbara Corcoran EP 784

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:11I don't think I'm the type of person that is brave enough to admit I've made a mistake, honestly, because I think things have not worked out along the way, where things just didn't work out as I had hoped or dreamed them to be. But I don't see them as a mistake, because as quick as you're thinking, oh, poor me, you start to see the light of the door that is opening that couldn't have opened without it. But I have to also say I have my whole life been very cognizant of doing anything and exposing myself to anything, even when I didn't want to do it, because I'm deathly afraid of feeling like I would regret.

0:48Like, what if I don't do it? That's more of a motivation for me than doing. Like, for example, with Dancing with the Stars, I did not want to do it. I'm an old babe. The last thing I want to do is practice four hours a day. You were great. You think I was so great? Not the judges. They didn't think so. I was the number one person on Dancing with the Stars last season. Number one rejected. Now, there's a record. So you might say that was a mistake with all the work that that led up to, and it was a social embarrassment. I thought I'd be rejected maybe number three or five or six, but number one, I never saw it coming.

1:21And so I was kind of a little mortified on that one. But you know what? I'm so thankful I did it. And the minute I recovered by the next morning, I'm like, thank God I did it. Thank God it's over. It's a lot of work. So what I learned from that is that I can't dance well. I learned the same lesson I learned again and again, which is thank God I did it. The injury of, oh, God, you did so poorly, dissipates quickly. But there's an echo to not trying something that's going to sting you, I think. Not that I know that, because I really don't do that. But I'm afraid of it. It's like fear of a nightmare that might happen.

1:58I don't know why, because I don't really have that in my life, but I'm fearful of it. What regret does is it quietly takes down your confidence a notch. Because in short, you're a coward. You shied away. Even if it's the right decision is to shy away. Once you shy away, you quietly, without even consciously thinking, think a little less of yourself. Now, I say that from experience because I've watched many people get stronger or people where life makes them weaker. And there's a lot that goes into that. But I really believe that that regret piece is not given enough due. You really have to try everything and try your best because even, and listen, two out of three things I try don't work out.

2:40You know, but people just remember the success. But I know what the failures are. But still, I got confidence out of failing each time. A little notch up, a little notch up. So then you conduct yourself with more power in life because you feel better about yourself. And ironically, you have more to give. You're a better package to give more because you've put a lot into that basket by just trying, trying, trying, trying. It takes a lot of courage to publicly fail, but I happen to be very good at public failure. Really? Because I've done it my whole life. People, most of all, are thinking about themselves.

3:13So just when you think the limelight's on you and everybody's going to say, God, is she a stupid guy? Why would she say that or do that? The minute they've given you that one moment of attention, they're back on to their own problems, their own selves. So it's like overstatement of your ego to think you're really that important. You know, you could just move right on. We could distract people. You try the next thing, the rise on that if you're lucky. So no, it doesn't really amount to anything. It doesn't really amount to anything. It's self-ego. That is not really true. Today's version of publicity that I look for in all of the entrepreneurs I invest in is how good are you at social media?

3:49I don't care if you're in the sock business, if you're in the hardware or what's going on. How good are your social media? What's your following? Those are the key questions now. How good are you at building attention through social media? Because that's the new free ride, not really free, but to a large degree free, just like the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal were my free ride. Okay. So you have to be creative, I think, in thinking of how you can grandstand. I think your head should be is what do you enjoy? What are you naturally inclined to be good at? What were you always good at?

4:21Things, these abilities don't change much. Whatever you're, you know, if you're gregarious as a young kid, you generally don't wind up as a bookworm, you know, when you get older and get a head on your shoulders, you're still gregarious. So I think what you have to do is think, what would suit me? What could I visualize myself doing where I could picture a happy picture of myself? And I think most people are capable of dreaming that up. I don't think it's an analytical kind of left-brain kind of thing where you apply yourself to your best shot, like going and playing blackjack and putting your chips on the right thing.

4:57No, I think you have to figure out you're the table. Where should you put your chips? What's on you? What's true to you, okay? For me, it took me 22 jobs to find real estate, but the minute I was out opening keys, opening the doors and chatting people up and it didn't feel like work and I was the boss. I knew I was going to be the queen of New York real estate. I knew it as sure as I knew my middle name was Ann. I just could see it in my mind's eye. I never had that vision when I worked my other 22 jobs. It's such wrong thinking that you have to choose your spot. I think it's like finding out what clothing you look good in.

5:37You've got to go try a lot on the rack and see what works with you. And then you kind of, little by little, kind of get your look on what looks well on your body type, your personality, the colors that are good. I think you find yourself little by little. It's very hard to sharpshoot. It's not that kind of a thing. And, you know, often the people, I know so many entrepreneurs well beyond or well before Shark Tank, peers of mine in many industries that have succeeded. No one ever went out for that industry. And so that's what I want to do. But you know what made the biggest difference in a myriad of those, if that's a word, a selection of those people that made the biggest difference was they came along someone they worked for who believed in them.

6:19Getting one good boss that gives you an opportunity is worth a million intellectual thoughts and Harvard MBAs grouped up in a pile. Because you kind of can sometimes need somebody else to see that light or you get into something you never thought you'd be interested in and you really love your job. and then that winds up being what you do for a lifetime. And so I don't believe that you've named the big industries. That's more of Mark Cuban stuff. He's like high-level investment strategy stuff. But I'll put my businesses against his any day one-to-one because I think I'm so good at seeing who's got that talent that matches where they are, you know?

7:07I am so excited for you to finish the rest of your day strong. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description and it'll take you to the full episode of my other show, The School of Greatness. Make sure to come back tomorrow for another episode of The Daily Motivation Show.