How To Effectively Communicate To Get What You Want In Life | Evy Poumpouras EP 768

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:11I do think we've taken a step back, actually, in in-person communication. A huge step. Everything now is people are more comfortable in texting and communicating through social. And then when it comes to in-person, something's completely shifted. You can see people having a harder time communicating in person. And everyone's kind of deviating towards typing, texting, or email. It's become the comfort. what's the most the easiest way to communicate without yeah exactly so here's the thing in person is the best way to communicate by the way whenever i can speak to somebody in person or sit down and see them like this this is where you get the best the best is where you get magic right then there's zoo okay then there's the phone phone is another great way but when you go to email you still have to write you can but long form sentences you have to write properly texting is just a couple of words.

1:05And that is where everyone's kind of shifted to gone. When I text or when I post on social, I'm not as keyboard courage. You wouldn't say it to someone's face. You never say it to somebody's face. I feel like you should only say things online with what you would say to that person's face. Otherwise, what are we doing? Yes. If you can't look at somebody and say it, then you shouldn't write it. But it's the anonymity that I can write this stuff and then I can take out whatever's going on in my life out on somebody else and I can feel brave in that way. But it's such a false way to be brave. You have to check in with yourself and realize, am I being a coward?

1:48If I can't say something to somebody's face, but I can do it over text, there's something that's missing. I think bravery is something that we don't speak about. Encourage is something we don't speak about. We don't do it in a very overt way, in a very physical way, in a very engaged way. It's talked about as this like thing. Oh, be brave, be motivated. Well, where is that? You have to manifest that with your body. You have to do it. And it's doing it in the day to day decisions that you make. So going back to my class, it's interesting. We talk about criminal justice, right? Criminology. And for example, I showed them a video of somebody who fell on these New York city train tracks in New York city.

2:29And there were all these people on the platform. One person gets down to go help the person. And so I asked them, would you do that? The majority of the class, no, no, whoa, I'm not going to do that. And I hear that. And I think something is lost there amongst us when the answer at least i feel through my belief system again is that the overwhelming answer should be like i would want to help save another human being's life i would want to help save somebody else but we've come to this place where it's very much self-preservation don't say anything wrong don't do the wrong thing attack in a way that's safe and comfortable or not even attack but you can disagree and here's the other amazing thing I think we don't understand how to disagree so you can disagree or you can be competitive it's something actually that you're taught in interviewing and in interrogations so I may for example I have a very strong belief system fitness and working out it's been part of me but that's my belief system it is not somebody else's if I try to impose it to somebody so for example when you hear somebody say I have to lose weight I have to lose weight their belief system is not really based upon working out and fitness so I can turn around and be very direct.

3:43Being direct with someone is the way you lose people. You want to always let people talk, even if you don't like what they have to say, even if you don't agree with them. The gift to any great communicator is this. Let them go. Don't correct them. Don't tell them that they're wrong. Just let them be in their world. Now, here's the important thing. One, they're going to say everything they want to say. You're going to understand what their mindset is. And two things happen. One, you can speak now because once somebody is done sharing everything, move. Now they can hear you. But what you do is you're speaking.

4:15I cut you off. I insert myself. You get frustrated. Hey, you're not listening to me. I'm talking. She's dismissing me. And so when I speak, you come back at me. I come back at you. And now we have conflict. Interviews and interrogations are the same thing. So what you see in TV, in law and order that you did it, you this, you that, that's garbage. It doesn't work. It does not work. The best confessions I've ever gotten, they've been almost like psychology sessions or conversations where people progressively over a bit of time, give you what we call admissions. A little more, a little more. Yes.

4:51So it'll be like, yes, I was there at the house. Oh yes. I was there at the time. Yes. I saw her or I saw him. Yes. I left upset. Yes. This, yes. That. And then incrementally you get to the confession yes I did it whatever that is right whereas we go straight most people go straight for the kill tell me and it's because of this lack of patience this thing that we know everything and you know maybe you are right in that moment but it's not what you think it's what the other person thinks understanding how they think getting into their head and speaking to them being competitive means I can compete with human ideas without being it being ugly without being confrontational or conflict.

5:36But what we've done is we've made conflict the confrontation, this very negative thing. We don't want it. When it happens, people lose their minds. I have so many people reach out, especially when I do consulting. How do I, the question's always, how do I avoid confrontation? How do I avoid conflict? Why do you spend so much time avoiding it? Why do you spend so much time avoiding speaking what you want to say, speaking your truth or sharing your ideas. And why can you not present them in a way where there is disagreement? There is competitiveness. I compete, you compete. No, the sky's green. Well, I see it this way.

6:16Oh, I see it blue. But why do you see it this way? And you have that dialogue. But it's not an aggressive competitiveness. It's an open dialogue. It's not me being a jerk to show you how smart I am. Yeah. And it's not me shutting you down. And it's not me having an attachment to the end result. me being right and me showing you how right I am. Confident people don't care how right they are. They don't. When you're confident, it's like, I know what I know. I'm good with it. This person sees things a different way. And also, it also comes into where the dialogue, where sometimes we think, well, I'm saying this, and this is what I mean.

6:50You also have to think, what is this person hearing? So just because I think, well, I said this, it's like, that's great. But what are they hearing? How do they hear you?

7:11I am so excited for you to finish the rest of your day strong. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description and it'll take you to the full episode of my other show, The School of Greatness. Make sure to come back tomorrow for another episode of The Daily Motivation Show.

7:34We'll be right back.