How to Embody Grace, Positivity & FORGIVENESS | Jefferson Fisher EP 399

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:11How do you not get triggered emotionally, though, in life? Like, personally, if someone's coming at you or attacking you or making you wrong, how do you keep your cool and not get defensive and take things personally? Or do you? It's very natural to take things personally. But what I say before I want to take things personally is I'll say, put it down, Jefferson. person. I'll say, put it down. Most of the time when we're taking something personally, we're picking something up that nobody asked us to carry. And we're just choosing to hold on to it. Choosing to say, this was meant for me. And that's not always the case.

0:46Somebody says, why are you taking this so personally? And they turn around, we're holding it all. Like, well, why are you holding that? I didn't ask you to hold any of that. You get in a position to where how personal you take something is a direct reflection of how much grace you give other people. And if I start to take things too personally, oh well somebody's just going slow in front of me on purpose. They're showing up late because they want to show a sign to me. It's just all these different ways of treating things negatively for the most part. You take it personally and then that's you just drop it.

1:19Drop that thought because you're not giving them enough grace. Where did you learn to let things go and put things down? It's just been as if it's a just blacksmith hitting on a piece of hot metal. Man, my whole life has been that. Really? Yeah, from my upbringing, a lot of attorneys in the family. I'm the oldest four. I love being the big brother. That meant I had to do a lot of mediating with siblings. I was the kid in the corner who just got to hear all the courtroom stories. And so they would teach you how to project and how to present and how to persuade and how to at pace. I mean, it was awesome.

1:59And that just kind of translated with what I like. Some people are really good at math or economics or accounting. Not me. This is my thing. Sure, sure. Yeah. I think a lot of people in today's world want to be great at winning arguments. What would you say if you wanted to win an argument would be the three keys to set yourself up for success? Number one would be understand that arguments aren't always meant to be won. So there's a trap of thinking that there can only be one on top of the mountain. And if that is true, then that's a very lonely place to be. Arguments, in my view, are an opportunity to create understanding.

2:46It's okay to have conflict. You and I can argue about something, but when it gets negative, that's when it's bad. You and I could argue of who's the best baseball team. And, you know, that's a disagreement. that ratchets up a little bit more and becomes an argument. Maybe we get a little bit more passioned. Sure. But number one is that don't get into the trap of thinking that you have to win it. Because when you do, it's only going to breed contempt. Because it comes at a cost. And maybe you made fun of them. Maybe you said something that was too final, too close to the vest. So number two is know what the end goal is.

3:22Oftentimes we get into this argument. and what happens, we're like 10 minutes into it and we go, how did we start this? How did we even get here? What were we arguing about in the first place? And that meant that it wasn't real. Most of the time when that happens, it means that the true issue you were arguing about was just a red area. So you have to know where you're going to go in the argument, so what the final outcome is. And number two, how are you going to heal it? Because if it's an issue of, especially emotion, if you don't heal it in a way that is going to continue to create that positive understanding and interaction, you will lose every time, which involves taking accountability for what your behavior has done.

4:12One of the worst ways to do that is that I wouldn't have said this if you not said that. Once you start tallying who did what, you're already in a losing situation. The correct response is, I'm sorry that I said this. I could have done better. That little promise says, I'm wanting to heal this.

4:40Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description that will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

5:30Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.