How To Find THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP | Esther Perel

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:15Why are relationships seemingly so hard for so many people when it's the thing we need the most to feel alive, to feel happy, and to feel connected? This is the million-dollar question, you know. I'm a relationship therapist for 35-plus years. I work with people in their romantic relationships, family relationships, friendships, co-founders, colleagues, co-workers. So love and work, the two pillars of our life, as Freud said. And if I could just say, why is the simple feeling of loving or caring not enough? Because the entire human drama is really complex. The same way as nature is complex, so is human nature complex.

1:01I spent my whole career studying what is changing in relationships you know why are they more complicated today are they more painful today you know I have our expectations changed and there aren't there that I have answers to I don't have answers to why is it so what you know but I do more complicated now relationships yes 50 years yes absolutely why is that why for a very simple reason. For a long time, we live, and we're still in many parts of the world, live in traditional societies where relationships are clearly codified. There are clear rules, there are roles, there are obligations, there's a tight structure from which you can't get out, but it tells you clearly who you are, where you belong, where you're rooted, and what's expected of you.

1:51And you don't have too much questions about whose career matters more, and who's going to wake up to feed the baby, and who has a right to demand for sex. And every husband knows exactly what they can ask from their wife and the wife knows exactly what she should not tell her husband and children know their place and adults can all interact. All of this was super regulated. This tight structure of our society has moved into what we call today network societies. Network societies is not tight knots, it's loose ends. It's loose threads with commitment that can be revoked at any moment. that's why your women are constantly writing to you i thought we had something and the next day he disappears everything that was a rule is now a negotiation a conversation who's going to go to work who is are we going to move you to the west coast or are you going to move with me to the east coast are we going to have children are we ready to have children how many children do we even want children you know on and on and on and all of these questions are rather new questions why Because in the past or in other parts of the world today, you kind of know who you are.

3:00Seriously. You're the son of somebody. Even you're the son of somebody. It starts with that, Ben. And you probably will even do what your father has done. If you are a man and maybe not do much of any of the outside the house, if you are a woman, or you may begin a charting course of working outside the house. And all of these things are very, very normative. And now it's different. We don't have any of that at this moment. Basically, I call it the identity economy. We spend our time trying to figure out who am I. We have an enormous industry of self-help, you know, with this belief that we are self-made, that we can have selfies, that we do self-care.

3:45It's this self, self, self that is so focused, such the center of everything, and so fragile. The freaking self has never been more fragile. We are constantly making sure that it doesn't get overwhelmed, that it doesn't get triggered, that it doesn't get violated, that it doesn't get shattered because it stands there alone, like the little Dutchman with his finger trying to hold back the dike. And that is the times I think we are in at this moment. And that's the waters I think you swim in.

4:33I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy. And if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life, and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you want to make it easier, you want to make it flow, you want to feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy. I really think this is gonna help you transform your relationship with money this moment moving forward. We have some big guests and content coming up. Make sure you're following and thank you for listening to this episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

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6:07Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.