How To Overcome Depression & Thrive In Life | Wayne Brady

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation show.

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0:49What was the biggest lesson your grandmother taught you growing up that you still think about to this day that really helped carry you through your life? I think my work ethic, that's the thing that has gotten me through days when I didn't think I could get up. Even in the depths of depression, and for anybody who has been through depression or is going through depression, one of the hardest things is to show up, right? You're exhausted, you're drained, you don't feel good about yourself, you're self-loathing, you're trying to lay around and do nothing. And I'll even go a step further and say that for my own personal journey with depression, and it's not even laying around and doing nothing.

1:29I've talked to my therapist and the way that I visualize things, I'm a very big sci-fi nerd and I picture my battery. If I'm this superhero and I go out in the world and I show up in my suit of armor and I'm able to do everything I can, it's like someone has just gone around back and removed that battery. And no matter what I do, sitting there like, I gotta get up, but I can't. I can't function because my battery, my arms are too heavy, my body is too heavy, my heart is too heavy, my legs won't work the right way. So the easiest thing to do is just to shut down. No matter what I want to do, I just shut down.

2:11So to combat that, because I've got to show up, I make my bed. Get up, make your bed, and go. And just go. Because once that bed is made, now you have stuff to do. Now, to a degree on the surface, I will say it's a little toxic, but the good piece of it is, if I make my bed, I have no option now. Because I've made my bed. You could bounce a quarter off of it. I can't get back in that bed. And I'm going back in. I'm not getting back in the bed. So now go. And that is how, even through some of the roughest patches, that has gotten me through. Even this past year, I lost my grandmother, and I've talked about it a little bit.

2:53and a lot of what I did in terms of success, once I got to a certain point, I was like, look, Ma, look, look what I did. Look, this is my show. I'm gonna fly to see my show. Look, Mom, this is the show that I'm in on tour. I'm gonna fly you out. Look, Mom, I'm in Vegas. Play all the slots you wanted to come and see the show. So many of the things that I've done, I did so she could be happy. And then when that person's gone, it's like, oh, now what? And that little battery plucked right out my back. Really? So I've spent this past year really trying to dig myself out of that. Do you feel like you were more chasing success to prove people wrong?

3:33Or were you running from something because it was too painful? I think in equal measures, right? Both of those things have to exist. Our memories are the most unreliable narrators, right? We blow it out of proportion. We changed things that didn't happen. Right. So even now, it's forced me to really try to rethink a lot of things that I've taken as canon in my own superhero origin story. It's like, well, that's exactly how it happened, because that's how I got here. So it's made me go back and re-examine things. So yes, I was definitely bullied. From the get-go, I never quite fit in with the kids around me because of how I was raised in the house and because of my grandparents' accents.

4:18And I had a very thick accent, too. A big part of my early story is, how do you learn to become a man? And what are those toxic lessons? And what are the lessons that you're learning culturally? So I'm already different. So that's one layer. I enjoy certain things that are not what the other kids enjoy. Then, in kindergarten, it's advised that I go from kindergarten to second grade. So he's smart. Skip him. In order to make that happen, then I'm bussed from my neighborhood to an all-white school that's more affluent and I'm splitting time between there. I'm dealing with identity issues. There was a lot that I was working with that I didn't know how to handle.

5:02And I couldn't talk to my grandmother. Or even at that young age, I didn't know how to talk to them about the things that I was feeling. So in second grade, I'm already dealing with issues of race and belonging. that I was not equipped. So my defense mechanism, which starts the beginning of that, am I running from something, is now I either fight back or I run from it. I feel bad. So I kept my own counsel. So that was the way that now I'm very used to keeping my own counsel. I don't talk to people about things. And I'm very quiet, very serious, and very withdrawn because that's my way of not dealing with these people that now I get into it with them.

5:45Then that's the kid that goes, I'm going to get out of here. The first chance I get out of here, I'm getting out. And I'm going to use whatever is at my disposal to get out. Because now I understand, and especially going to the schools that I started to go to, now I understand you don't know that you're poor until somebody else points it out. So now I see that, so now I'm like, okay, I see what it's like. Those people must be happy because I've been to their homes. And I walk in and they make me feel special because they let me in. And oh my God, the house is so big and their clothes. Clothes are nice.

6:20And they let me in here because some of them feel I talk a certain way. So they've now attributed this thing to me of like, oh, you're a good one. Especially being from the South. The race issue comes back. How do you deal with your identity? I'm getting a little older, dealing with issues of race and culture. I internalize all of it. So, yes, I run away because I'm like, as soon as I get the chance to get the hell out hand, I'm gonna show all of you. I'm gonna show all of you how much better I am. The fact that you kids in my neighborhood said that I wasn't this and I wasn't that and I wasn't good enough.

6:55And then the other kids in the other school, you made me feel small because of everything that you had and you made me feel this way. I'm gonna show everybody. And that is a very unhealthy place to start from because there wasn't love and acceptance of self. Wow. There was no self-love. I didn't want to start acting because I loved myself, and I loved when I found a talent, and I was like, I love this thing, and I'm going to hoard this thing and keep it to myself. And no one knows that I wanted to do it until I was 16. No one knew, so I was in my bedroom percolating, doing voices, writing scripts, learning to sing and copying people on TV.

7:34So when I actually came out and did it, the kids in the group were like, what the? Wayne's on stage? He's just like, yeah. It was like, yes, this is what I do. Ha! See? Look, that's me. I'm out. And it was also to show my grandmother. It was to show my family, because none of them got it. So when you start from a place of your whole thing is based on, look at me, I'll show you. That is not the healthiest spot.

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9:02Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.