How To Overcome Negative Thoughts & Heal Your Past | Ed Mylett EP 776

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes, and welcome to The Daily Motivation Show.

0:11I'm great at giving love to people. I've never, very rarely ever allowed myself to receive it. Really? Yeah. Even with your family or with friends? I love them. But me allowing myself just to go, they love me. I've never said that out loud until right now. Wow. Once I'm really worth it, then I'll get around to having it. I'll get it, but I don't have it yet. What would it take for you to be really worth it? Well, that's the thing is like that line keeps moving. And so that line keeps moving. I'm worth a million. Okay. But not till 10 million, till 100 million, till. The line moves. And where it's been healing for me lately is like, I'm worthy of it now.

0:51I've always been worthy of it. And the truth is the right type of love has no conditions on it. Like my children, I love them unconditionally. There's literally nothing either one of them can do to make me love them less or more. And I tell them that all the time. You get this or that. I can't love you more and I can't love you less. And then I realized something in my faith. God loves me even more. He's always loved me even more. He's made me in his image and likeness. And for all of you that are listening to this, you were born to do something great with your life. But that's not the condition to receive love.

1:21All this achievement, you and I are both about a max out. You're about greatness. The highest form of maxing out and greatness is to give and receive love. Yeah. But you didn't receive it that well. No. And I think lately I'm like, I feel you. Thank you. I accept that. When someone compliments me, I always go, yeah, but you know, you're. And lately I go, I'll take that. Thank you. I'll take that. Thank you. And at first it even felt a little insincere, disingenuous. But I've had many more moments since my dad died, candidly. Since my dad died, I'm like, I robbed myself of that. And I'll tell you what happened.

1:56Right before my dad died, we had a conversation. and my dad said to me, I'm so proud of you. Wow. And I love you so much. And he goes, I said, Dad, he goes, no, I want you to listen to me. And he said this to me, he goes, I can't believe God gave you to me as my son. Wow. I felt loved. And I went, he's felt that way all of his life. Why did I wait till his last breaths to receive it? And I'm not going to do that again in my other relationships. I'm not going to wait till they're gone. My dad's impact, you and I were both talking about our dads, my dad's impact is far greater on me now than it was when he was gone.

2:33And you don't need to wait for that. You don't need to wait around for that in your life. You can receive it now. And I allow myself to receive it much more often now. I was always in the future, which is a good place to be. I'm not a guy who's in the past a lot. Because then you're innovating, you're resourceful, you're creating something from nothing. It's powerful. I'm not a past guy, but I'm a future guy. But the truth is, the best people are able to be in the future, but be present in the present time. And I didn't do that very well. There's a lot of times, man, when my kids would do things.

3:01And now Christian goes, do you remember when, Bella? And I'll go, I don't remember. She goes, but you were actually there. But I wasn't. So would I change that? Yes. I should have given myself the gift of being more present where I was. And I do that very well now. I'm very much a present person. I know you turn your phone off after you get home and you put in your car or whatever you do. You spend 10 minutes closing things out and then you go in the house and you connect. I do. Yeah. I have strategies for it because I know me. And then anger. I'm an intense dude. In fact, people who see me now on social that knew me back then, I'd be like, wow, man, you've really changed.

3:35I just thought that my intensity and even what moved into anger was strength because I saw it in my dad. Because it got results, certain results. And I think I modeled it a little bit. My dad was a yeller and my dad would operate. My dad could go to anger pretty quickly. Yeah. And I used to think that's what a man did. I've watched my dad in many physical fights. Many. angel games. I watched my dad side of the freeway. I watched, we came out of church one Sunday, St. Dennis Catholic Church in Diamond Bar. Some guy said something my dad didn't like in the donut line. And we got in the car and my dad calls the guy over to the car and says, Hey, what did you say?

4:09Bam. And headbutts the guy at church in the parking lot in front of all the other parishioners. Right. So I think I modeled a little bit. I didn't do anything like that, But I modeled, hey, anger, men, men can do that thing. You know, don't disrespect me. You know, that whole thing. Yeah, yeah. And so I had a lot of that when I was young. Like, don't, you know, I'm going to assert my authority. Yeah. And as I got older, it's almost become funny to me. And what the change for me was having kids. I'm like, if someone ever spoke to my daughter or my son the way that I have talked to some of these people that have been around me.

4:43And for someone like you that knows me now, they'll be like, there's just no way, man. And no, man, I really did. I really said things I regret. I really did things that were out of anger too often. And I don't like that guy. Anytime I see someone operating out of anger, I think they're afraid. And so for me, it's when do I get angry? I got angry today. So my show got posted today and someone on my team posted it incorrectly and it wasn't on YouTube. And so my default when that happened was anger. Who did this? What happened? You know the feeling, right? Of course. But what was I really? I was afraid.

5:16I was afraid the show wouldn't do well. I was afraid it would be embarrassing. I was afraid the guest was going to be upset with me. So when I operate out of anger, it's always fear. But what about back in the day when you're hard on people? I was afraid I was going to be broke. I was afraid we were going to lose the business. I was afraid this situation was going to happen. I was afraid someone was going to shame me, so I'm going to get in front of it and be angry with them. So for me, anger is just a manifestation of fear. And when I see it in other people, men or women, I have empathy for them because I know they're afraid.

5:44Yeah. And I really do believe that. I think anger is always a result of some type of fear. The idea that still people manage a day in 24 hours is hilarious to me. That this archaic concept that a day is 24 hours is bananas. The 24-hour day was just made up by somebody about the sun and the earth going around each other 100 million years ago or whatever it was. And this was before there was electricity. There were cars. There was the internet. There was a smartphone. So you're going to tell me I should measure my day the same duration of time. I calibrate time when the same dude didn't have the internet.

6:16I used to have to do a project in high school. We'd have to go to the encyclopedia, go down to the library and research for hours. My kids can Google something in 10 seconds now. I can text message you instead of mailing you something that takes a month to get to you. So I've shrunk my days. My days now are from my first day is from 6 a.m. to noon. 6 a.m. to noon, I get into that day whatever I want. Some days are chill. Some days are faith. Some days are working out. But we've all had that morning where we go, I've got done more this morning than I have in three weeks. I know. Right? So why can't that be every day?

6:43And it is, I can tell you. So my first day is 6 a.m. to noon. At noon, the clock goes off. We're in day two. And I reevaluate really quickly for five seconds. What just happened? What did I do? What do I need to do more of? Next day is noon to 6 p.m. I'm going to get the same amount of business, context, faith, fun, whatever it is, in that ecstasy, in that day. Third day is 6 p.m. to midnight. It's a third day. This gives me three days in one day. I get 21 days a week. If I get 21 days a week, you get seven. Stack that up over a month, a year, five, ten years. I'm going to smoke you in life. and I've vended and manipulated time so that my accountability is different.

7:20It's not the end of a day or end of a week or end of a month. It's at the end of basically a six or eight hour window.

7:31I am so excited for you to finish the rest of your day strong. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description and it'll take you to the full episode of my other show, The School of Greatness. Make sure to come back tomorrow for another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.