How To Stop Owning Your Child and Start Guiding Them | Dr. Shefali Tsabary

0:00Dr. Shefali Tsabary:What should you invest in and how often? Making investing decisions is easier with Fidelity. With their step-by-step experience, you can find investments based on your goals and comfort level. And if you'd like, you can decide how much and how often to invest with recurring investments that happen automatically. Ready to make your next investing decision? Head to fidelity.com slash trading. Investing involves risk, including risk of loss. Fidelity Brokerage Services, LLC, member NYSE SIPC. Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:43This belief that parents own their children, right? It's like, these are my kids, right? When you're constantly choosing to have kids, did those children want to be in this world? like when how did those souls say i'm choosing to be with these parents do we have that answer yes so louis you know you're you're presuming the worldview of a soul right we don't know we don't know right what we do know is that biology has created life yes now our children are here and we do know that every child comes with their essence. You were telling me how different your twins are. Different. It's crazy to me.

1:28It seems crazy to me. Yes. Why are they different? Because every wiring is different. And it's so intricate, the symphony of neurobiology and neurochemistry. You were asking me about my midlife and how I'm experiencing midlife compared to my friends. Why are they experiencing it in one way and I'm experiencing it differently? Why you made up like this and your best friend made up? Why are you so coordinated? And it's because our neurobiology and our genetics create the symphony within us that is unique each time. And just a little tweak causes a cascade of differences, right? My vocal cords could be just a little different and I could be better than Adele, not me, but you know, it's just a little tweaking, right?

2:20Why do I have these eyes? And my brother has different eyes. Why are you so tall? Your sister different. It's neurochemistry and genetics and then culture, right? So biology loads the gun, but then culture pulls the trigger. Yeah. I mean, what do you think the purpose is for our children to be in our lives? What is that purpose? Is it to teach us? Is it to be a mirror of the triggers that we haven't healed? Is it to teach us to grow? Is it to... I love it. I love that. What is that purpose? Okay, so let's look at the... I look at it as different layers. So at the biological layer, which is the most basic layer...

2:58Procreation, survival. It's procreation, reproduction, life, regeneration, genetic transmission, right? So that's at the genetic. We have this call to life. Life has a call to life. And to extend life. And You know, you were talking about your legacy. It's this primal urge. Women, many of them will say around age 35, oh my goodness, I need to have a baby. What is that, right? There's this primal blueprint. So that's biological. Then on the psychological level, I always teach that if you wish to lean into that, you can begin to uncover your patterns. And you can begin to look at the child-parent relationship, the attachment, the dynamics that show up, and undo the dysfunction on the psychological.

3:46You go to therapy, you call Dr. Shefali, you read my books. And then I do think you can, if you want to lean in, to the transcendent level. If you wish to have an evolved view of parenting, and that's where conscious parenting comes in, which is beyond ego, which is beyond this is my child. Now I look at my child, not as mine, but as a being, I get to help usher into their destiny. But I don't attach to them with my identity. Is that kind of the second phase? First is procreation, then it's like undoing the dysfunction, but it's more identity-based? Yeah, and then it's like letting go of the identity of mother.

4:32That's hard. Letting it go. So if a child comes to the parent and goes, I hate you, and you want to go, well, I hate you too. Or how dare you talk to me like that? Because now you're stuck at the psychological, the dynamic, the dysfunction. Because my identity is attached to how you talk to me, right? Every time I descend into my ego with my daughter, it's because I'm identifying, how dare she talk to me? I'm her mother. Everything I've sacrificed. She can't ruin me and you ruin my body, all these things, right? So body, role, identity, how other people will look at me. How can she talk? She, me, daughter, mother, role-based identity.

5:12But then when the few moments that I can transcend, I can see her as a being who's struggling. and who's lost, and who's disconnected, and is yearning for connection. And if I'm able to be so beautiful in that transcendence, very hard to do, I look at my job not as her mother, but really as her guide to take her back to herself.

5:47I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy. And if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life, and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you want to make it easier, you want to make it flow, you want to feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy. I really think this is going to help you transform your relationship with money this moment moving forward. We have some big guests and content coming up. Make sure you're following and stay tuned to this episode of The Daily Motivation Show.

6:28Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. that will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

7:18Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

7:36Fidelity. Our step-by-step experience can help you pick out the right investments for you. Plus, with recurring investments, you can decide how much and how often to invest. Lastly, there's 24-7 help if and when you need it. To find your next investment, head to fidelity.com slash trading. Investing involves risk, including risk of loss. Fidelity Brokerage Services, LLC, member NYSC SIPC.