How to Turn HEARTBREAK into Your Biggest BREAKTHROUGH! | Devon Franklin EP 700

0:00Hey everyone, this is Lewis Howes and I am so excited to invite you to the Summit of Greatness 2024 happening at the iconic Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, California. This is more than just an event. It's a powerful experience designed to ignite your passion, boost your growth, and connect you with a community of other inspiring achievers. Join us Friday, September 13th, and Saturday, September 14th, for two days packed with inspiration and transformation from some of the most incredible speakers on the planet. Don't miss out on this chance to elevate your life, unlock your potential, and be part of something truly special.

0:34Make sure to get your tickets right now and step into greatness with us at the Summit of Greatness 2024. Head over to lewishouse.com slash tickets and get your tickets today and I will see you there. Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:56When you're in a relationship and you say, you know what, I'm going to be disciplined, I'm going to work hard at this. even when you know it's not the right fit, you've put in time, you know, six months, a year, two years, and you're like, you know what? I'm just going to keep going and make it better. I'm going to try my best to cultivate the love. But for some reason, that relationship, you know deep down, isn't the one. And you say goodbye to that relationship. Is that you just saying, well, on to the next. There's another option out there. How do you know when it is the right one? Well, that's a good question.

1:26I think a couple things. One is really we've got to start telling the truth. And a lot of times, especially in a relationship sense, it becomes a place where we tell the least truth. You hide the truth. You hide the truth. Because you don't want to hurt someone. You don't want to hurt someone. You may have feelings or thoughts. You may have things. And also, sometimes in a relationship, you can be afraid. If I tell this person the truth, it doesn't even mean the truth that I'm not into them. It could be like, I'm really into you. Or it could be like, here are some things I'm thinking about. The question sometimes is where the fear comes in is judgment.

1:54If I tell this person my truth, will they judge me? Will they still like me? Will they still love me? Will they still be there for me? And so a lot of times, whether you're a man or a woman in a relationship, you bring that fear into it. And so as a result, sometimes that fear works against being truthful. So a lot of times in a relationship, you're more truthful with people outside the relationship than you are with the person in the relationship. Telling other people outside everything that's happening. And you're not telling your partner. And this is why as men and women, we've got to start communicating with one another instead of at one another.

2:21So the point you're bringing up, if you're in a situation where you're with somebody and you're not sure it's the right fit, Here is the number one way to begin to identify if it is operating in lust or if you're operating in love. It's peace. You know, our peace. You feel peace. That's right. Our peace is the strongest barometer. It's our compass. It tells us we're going in the right direction. We're going with the right person in the right direction. Or you know what? I'm going in the right direction, but something about doesn't feel like this is the person that's supposed to go with me. Right?

2:51It's really about peace. That's where I, and everyone has the opportunity to define what that means for them. But to me, that's a great way to identify. Is this the right person I'm dealing with? So then let's say you don't have peace. The truth is I need to tell that person as soon as possible, here's what I'm really going through. Here's why, especially as a man. As soon, don't wait three months, six months. Why? Because here's what happens. As a man, the moment you start to know, this ain't it. I don't, this ain't it. Here's what happens. the more you do not tell her the truth about how you're feeling either she's gonna cry now she'll cry later and when she cries later she's you've inflicted more pain I believe as a man we were gonna be one of two men men that heal pain or inflict pain and that truth as hard as it may be and as much as she may not want to hear it it's better for her to hear it early on before she can have more emotional investment then to hear it later and you knew six months ago you we're out of there.

3:50Yeah. Part of telling the truth is to say, listen, I love you. When I operate in love, I put someone else's needs over my needs. I'm thinking about someone else's thoughts, even sometimes before my thoughts, someone else's wellbeing. So in a dating sense, as a man, you're like, Hey, I need you to know what I'm really feeling here so that we can just have an honest conversation. Like I don't want to feel this way. I don't know why I'm feeling this way, but you know, some, I don't know if this is just the right fit and not, you know, and, and, and do your best to articulate that. It's better to put it all out on the table.

4:18Then, there you go, six months later, seven months later, something happens. And then sometimes I've been there when I was single. You wait for something to happen, then to use that as the excuse. Yeah, of course. It's like, oh, well, it's because this happened. Well, no, that's not because of that. Because if there was really love and there was a long-term plan there, you could work through that, right? But too often, I feel like as men, we hold on to what we think. And I think women do that, too, because they're afraid. So I think when you go into this idea of like, okay, well, how do you date in love?

4:44How do you date in mastery? It doesn't mean you can't explore. It doesn't mean you can't find the right fit. This is all about a journey. So love, when you're trying to find the compatibility, you're searching, right? We all find that journey. However, it's dating with more intent. It's dating with more intent. So what does that look like? Think beyond sex. Think beyond sex. How do you teach men to do that when that's all they've been conditioned to think? Well, here's how. Because, again, instead of looking at that woman as an object for your pleasure, look at her as an individual. Look at her as someone's sister, someone's mother, someone's daughter, someone's friend.

5:19Humanize her in your mind. It doesn't mean, listen, if you choose not to wait until marriage to have sex with that person, that's your business. But so often men look at women first as a sexual object, not as an individual. And as a result, when a woman most of the time says, hey, you know what, I don't want to have sex. Or I want to wait or whatever, a lot of men say, all right, well, I'm moving on to the next. If a woman does not want to have sex or share her body with you because she does not trust you, she does not know you, she does not love you, that's a sign of a great woman. Not a woman that should be discarding.

5:49Wow. And so as a man, when you're single and you're discarding women because they don't want to share their body, that's a warning sign to me. Hey. About you as a woman. That's right. What's going on with you, bro? Why are you on such a path for personal selfish lustful fulfillment that you are discarding potential women that could help make the difference in a positive way in your life? Wow So for any man, it's about hey, let me look in the mirror for a minute and just stop Why? Because look at what's going on in the world There's so much news about, you know, the challenges that men are facing And why are so many men facing all these challenges?

6:25Because I believe most men have given themselves over to lust They've given themselves over to this selfish fulfillment where they want what they want, whenever they want it, however they want it. And as a result, they become the sum total of what that lust makes them. So as a man, no man can turn a blind eye towards what's going on with men in the world. So if anything, allow what we're seeing in the world to then be a motivator for every individual man. Who do I want to be? Am I inadvertently living in a way where I may meet the same fate of some of the same men that I'm seeing in the world?

6:56Because it's not like, oh, point the finger. Oh, look at them. Oh, I would never become that. Wait a minute. The moment any of us as men say, oh, I would never. You might. Set the watch. Right? Because all of us have the same struggle. All of us struggle between love and lust. And the issue is getting control, getting discipline, getting mastery to the degree where I don't believe we can ever eradicate lust. I don't believe that. And that's a truth most women don't want to hear. Right? But I believe that is the truth. Lust is in every man, no matter who that man is, no matter what. No matter how faithful you are.

7:29No matter how faithful, it's there. It's not even a reflection of the woman in his life at all. However, as men, when we learn to get control of it, when we learn to put love in control of lust, that's when we position ourselves to not allow that lust to destroy us.

7:51Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation. And I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

8:41Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.