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Podcast Notes: The Daily Motivation - Episode 510: Identifying & Releasing Our Toxic Traits | Terry Crews
Episode Overview
- Host: Lewis Howes
- Guest: Terry Crews
- Key Themes: Personal struggle, self-acceptance, the importance of therapy
Key Takeaways
- Personal Struggles: Terry Crews opens up about his 20-year battle with a pornography addiction and the infidelity that ultimately led to the breakdown of his marriage.
- Impact of Shame and Rage: Crews describes how carrying guilt and shame led to inner rage, affecting his relationships and self-perception.
- Image vs. Reality: He reflects on how prioritizing his public image over his true self contributed to his struggles.
- Therapy and Self-Acceptance: After his wife left, Crews sought therapy, which played a crucial role in his journey towards self-acceptance and understanding.
Detailed Summary
Terry's Admission of Struggle
- Background: Crews had never disclosed his addiction to pornography to his wife, which led to years of unresolved issues and deception.
- Infidelity Incident: He disclosed an incident from 10 years prior involving infidelity, which he kept secret, fearing the repercussions on his image and relationships.
The Consequences of Deception
- Rage and Manipulation: Crews discusses how his inner turmoil manifested as rage and manipulation towards his wife, which ultimately drove them apart.
- Projection of Guilt: He often deflected questions about his fidelity by projecting insecurities back onto his wife, further complicating their relationship.
The Breakdown of His Marriage
- Climactic Moment: In 2010, the strain of hidden truths and the facade he created collapsed, leading to the breakdown of his marriage.
- Wake-Up Call: The departure of his wife became a critical turning point that forced Crews to confront his issues head-on.
The Role of Therapy
- Seeking Help: Crews shares that he decided to try therapy after his wife's departure, which he had previously dismissed.
- Key Lesson from Therapy: He learned that every person is like a box of Lego pieces; we are not broken but simply unfinished. This metaphor emphasizes the importance of self-assembly and accepting help from others to become whole.
Conclusion
- Emphasis on Community and Support: Crews highlights the importance of embracing support systems and letting go of false pride to unlock one's full potential.
- Final Thoughts: The episode encourages listeners to reflect on their own narratives and the stories they tell themselves, advocating for honesty and vulnerability as paths to healing and growth.
Closing Remarks
- Further Engagement: Listeners are encouraged to check out the full episode, leave reviews on podcast platforms, and subscribe for exclusive content and the Greatness newsletter for ongoing inspiration.
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This detailed summary provides insight into the meaningful discussions surrounding personal struggles, therapy, and the importance of self-acceptance highlighted in this episode of The Daily Motivation.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.
0:12So when was the moment then where you were able to look at yourself and realize I have either conquered this inner rage, beast, whatever you want to call it, and you do have control? First of all, in 2010, it was the end of our marriage. We had been married 20 years. Wow. And this whole time, I had had an addiction to pornography, and I had never told her. And 10 years earlier, I had basically cheated on her at a massage bar. But I vowed I'd never tell anybody. I vowed. I said, man, I'm taking this to my grave. It's not happening. But see, you've got to understand another thing, too, is this competition, but also this guilt that I was always carrying creating rage.
0:55Because of that. Yeah, yeah. Because of that. Created rage. Yeah, of course. And shame. Shame. I used to get into arguments. So she asked me questions like, have you ever, do you watch porn? Hey, no, don't even bring that up. What are you talking about? You know what? No, I don't know who you think you are. And start an argument so she'd be like, I'm out. Just so she wouldn't bring up more. Because I knew what I was doing. Right. I knew that I wasn't living right. You know, you say one lie and it turns into two, turns into ten. It eats you inside of you too. You're talking about ten years now.
1:28I vowed I would never tell anybody. And my wife was always like, she would just bring up stuff like, what is it? What are you doing, man? You ever cheat on me? Stuff like that. And I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. You know, and angry. And one thing that I would do is project. So I was like, why are you saying that? Are you thinking about cheating? Again, this manipulative game that you could play with the people you love, the people who love you or you claim to love. just so you can keep your thing together. I realized that the image of Terry Crews was more important than who Terry Crews was.
2:08Dang. And I had to worship that image, and it ran everything. Because what would happen if who Terry Crews was really came out instead of the image? What would happen then? Well, my mindset, I had a play. I was like, I'd lose everything. First of all, my wife would leave. My people who knew me would be ashamed. People who knew me would be they would run away. Everybody would be done. All of it would be finished. It would be the end of me. So I decided we gonna put this image up and we gonna prop it up. And it all fell 2010. And my wife was like, I'm out. We had just been getting farther and farther apart over the years.
2:48And she said, you know, what is it? I don't know about you, Terry Crews. And I told her. I told her about what happened 10 years earlier. Now, in my head, I'm like, hey, that was 10 years ago. But for her, it was today. What I realized is that she had married an image. And what she realized is that she didn't know me. When my wife left, I was at my wit's end. Like, I said, man, I got to try this therapy stuff. You know, because I'd heard enough about it over the years. What was the greatest lessons therapy has taught you, then? Assembly required. We all think we as men, or people, are as good as we are.
3:32We just, take me as I am. We make songs about it. Take me just as I am. No, no, no, no. But the problem is, it's not anybody else's job to assemble you. You are like Legos, okay? Legos come in a box. You shake the box, it's just pieces. In a very competitive world, people tell you, you're broke. Hey man, look at your box. You're broken. But what I learned is that you're not broken. You're just not finished.
4:10Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. that will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.
5:06Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.
From the publisher
Terry Crews discloses after 20 years hiding pornography struggles, his wife left upon finally admitting infidelity too, shattering his public image. Battling rage, addiction and lies to project perfection, he avoided help for years until she departed. Crews credits therapy for self-acceptance, realizing we all come unconstructed needing assembly versus self-reliance. He underscores letting false Pride prevent becoming whole keeps people eternally incomplete, urging embracing support to unlock potential.
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