If You Flinch From Affection, This Childhood Wound Might Be Why | Patrick Teahan

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0:38How does someone learn to build a relationship with the younger version of them who was neglected, abused, abandoned, or had a number of emotions around feeling not good enough, shameful,

0:54Patrick Teahan:guilty and like they didn't belong in a concrete way um pictures of your younger self there's a tool that i teach called dialoguing which is you're you're you're having a you're journaling on paper between your dominant hand and your non-dominant hand so it's like you're speaking with your subon man she's you're speaking with your subconscious and that's also your handwriting is like a child on your other hand right which is another fascinating very fascinating thing oh my blew my mind a lot of clients have this experience they will write from their inner adult their dominant hand in block lettering in their inner child writes in cursive oh my gosh and there might be wounding around that cursive kind of a thing i had a client from india this broke my heart where they were not they were they were being schooled in a kappa school where they were not allowed to use the left hand everybody had to be right-handed so that's like another thing over here about it but pictures of yourself a stuffed animal um um the dialoguing also what is very rrp the the therapy that i did the relationship recovery process is very tactile watching the shows that you watch when you're a kid you know like maybe evening some evening some of the foods um so there's a bunch of things that's a lot like jump starting this but everybody shows up to that work differently.

2:18Patrick Teahan:Some people, you know, depending on their trauma, they'd be like, I do not want to parent my inner child. That's somebody else's job. Some people have an immediate connection and the inner child is just like, where you've been my whole life. It's amazing. And there's like a easy way that they don't struggle as much with it. Other people who might struggle with being dissociative might struggle feeling like, how do I get a toehold in there and get that jumpstarted relationship going? And then to complicate it further, their inner child might be angry i'm sure i don't like adults i don't want to talk to you i don't want to be parented i know so a lot of that is the nature of that work if someone is not willing to have a relationship with the younger version of themselves the inner child yeah what is not available for them the rest of their life if they always that's a great question they always block it out yeah they don't have a relationship with the younger self or they're just angry yep about their childhood um they will get stuck around tenderness that they will not experience tenderness in a way that they might need compassion for themselves compassion for their inner child uh a tenderness towards their partner a tenderness for other children just general like when we think about childhood like you're a new dad yourself it's sort of like they need such cuddling and connection or something like that but for a lot of childhood trauma survivors that got really wrecked and they're grossed out by it like i don't want nothing to do with it and that's a stuck place that we i may have to really press and lean into a client to get them to hit a grief spot about it do you know what i mean to the point where i've had to say somebody like you know this is your inner child a picture of them do you know i mean would you tell them that they're worthless or they're not worth your time.

4:07Patrick Teahan:So it's a really, it's a problem in a way, because what is, what they will stay in if they can't connect with tenderness, they will be stuck in bitterness. They will be stuck in brokenheartedness. You know what I mean? So like when they're, you'll see it, you know, have you ever known somebody in your life when their partner gives them a kiss on the cheek or there's a wedding or something like that, they make a joke about it. do you know what I mean? Or they sneak out of it a little bit. That tells... They don't embrace it. They don't lean into it. They don't, they may have to, you know, some people, it's almost like I think about like Seinfeld characters.

4:42Patrick Teahan:Do you know what I mean? I'm not saying these people are bad. We're just kind of saying like, there is... Disconnected. Just telling me that in their childhood, the family might've been super sarcastic, toxic and acidic about connection.

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