If You Think You're Not Ready For Love, Listen To This | Jillian Turecki

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0:50You want to be a work in progress. You want to be self-aware. You want to be working on your stuff. And you want to do that with someone who wants to do that with you too. But most people are not committed to the healing journey. They might say, No, they're not. I'm committed to the healing journey. And they're not. Absolutely. But your actions, like where in your calendar are you putting in time to heal? Oh, absolutely. Show me the actions. It doesn't have to be therapy, but what are the actions you're committed to on a consistent basis? And what are the results you're gaining? Are you able to reflect on that journey?

1:24Yeah. And sometimes what that is, is literally like, what am I doing in the relationship to communicate more? Yes. And that takes courage. Yeah. It takes so much courage. It's not just what am I doing in the therapy office? What am I doing when I'm sitting on the couch with my loved one, with my partner? And, you know, they're having a hard day and I don't really feel like listening to it. I'm tired, not in the mood. Am I going to kind of lose presence and not pay attention when they're having a hard day because I'm not in the mood? Or am I going to take a deep breath and show up for my partner, even though I'm not in the mood?

2:11That's healing. Because in those moments, you're overcoming and you're breaking patterns that you did in the past that did not help your relationship. and you are being a better person inside of the relationship, that's healing. And you actually gain a stronger sense of self when you do things that are good for you and good for your relationship. When you do things that challenge you, rather than, you know, it's like the road less traveled, the easy route, you're never going to build your sense of wholeness and your self-esteem. You have to do things that challenge you. It's one of the things I talk about in the book.

2:51It's like that you have to do some things that challenge you. And so it's in those seemingly very insignificant moments in a relationship where you're like, oh, I can go this way, which is just like what I've always done. Or I can go this way even though I'm not in the mood. I'm going to make the choice to go this way. and you feel better about yourself because you've transcended something in yourself and then that's healing that healing is happening there so this idea that some people definitely need a timeout and they need to do work on themselves i know you did that i mean lots of people have to do that i've done that where plenty of people have said you are not ready to be in a relationship you are not ready but other people it's like okay you're ready enough and the rest you're going to have to do when you're with the person because you learn because we how can we build our sense of self-esteem and self-worth and self-acceptance if we're not bouncing off the reflection of other people and how they see us we know we don't exist in a vacuum so people often ask me well how do you know you're ready how do you know you've healed enough how do you know you're ready for a relationship well i mean there's a lot of when you will number one when you realize that there is no the one you choose who the one will be and you're going to have to make that choice many times throughout your relationship because if you're thinking 10 20 30 for the rest of your life with someone you could love them and you can have a great relationship but you think there's not going to be days where you actually have to choose love of course you're ready for a relationship when you realize there is just no one who's perfect and you are going to have to decide you have to know what is tolerable what versus what is intolerable because there's gonna be you have to have a lot of tolerance because we are complex where we can be highly annoying we can be highly weird we've got our stuff we've got neuroses we got our stuff what are your deal breakers what's absolutely intolerable and can you tolerate the rest.

5:00The people who have really the most impressive, beautiful, long-lasting relationships, they are not judgmental. They're not tolerating garbage from the other person. Disrespect. No, no, no, no. But they're just not judgmental of all the other stuff.

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6:14Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.