If You Use Wine Or Scrolling To Cope, Try This | Meg Josephson

0:00It's smart to always have a few financial goals and a really smart one you can set, earning cash back on what you buy every day. And with Discover, you can. Get this, Discover automatically matches all the cash back you've earned at the end of your first year. Seriously, all of it. And we trust you to make smart decisions. After all, you listen to this show. See terms at discover.com slash credit card. Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:37I got a really bad concussion in college. Yeah. I feel that was like a pivotal point in my spiritual process. I think that was meant to happen because it forced me to stop everything. thing stopped. I couldn't drink. I had to sit there in silence, in darkness. And it was a, it was a pretty long recovery for me. Really? Yeah. And so that was really the first point where I stopped drinking in college. And then after that, the drinking just tapered. I never really went back to heavy drinking after that. And then, yeah, eventually I was just like, I actually just don't even want this at all. So just stopped.

1:18How does someone learn how to not use drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism to release and relax and let loose and reveal themselves, but actually be loose and free without drugs and alcohol or substances to be able to express themselves throughout the day. It's funny. I think whether it's drugs, alcohol, shopping, any sort of behavior where you feel you lose control of yourself, binge eating. There are so many. And again, like with each of these, it gets clinically, I would view each of them differently and it would get more complicated, but there's probably a root wound under that's underneath each one of these tendencies, correct?

2:06And that we're finding safety through this control-based behavior, where if I'm honing in on this behavior. I don't need to feel the discomfort. I don't need to feel the anxiety. I don't need to face what is bubbling beneath the surface. What ends up happening is we have this uncomfortable emotion rise up. And so we immediately grab a drink or we scroll or we shop or we overeat, whatever the coping mechanism may be. Porn, whatever it might be. Yeah. Absolutely. Sex addiction. It's it it's all to me. And I think of it quite similarly, similarly, but different, of course. Yes. And so I think it's a layered clinical approach, but I would think of it as what during the day, how can you slowly increase that tolerance for feeling that discomfort throughout your day and feeling safe throughout the day so that the impulse control becomes less.

3:08you have more control over your impulses. How do you start to feel safe when you feel uncomfortable with that pain inside? Well, safety's slow. And I think we often think of, well, if I'm present, that means I'll feel good all the time. That's not true at all. I think presence often means feeling kind of shit. And am I allowed to say that on your show? Yeah, super bad word. I know it's really rebellious. I think it's being with... Are you mad at me for saying that? Yeah, very. I know. It's being with what is. And sometimes being present means being with that inner critic. It means being with agitation in your body.

3:51Of course, it's really important to take in that discomfort in bite-sized pieces. Yes. So that it feels safe to do so. But it don't always feel good. It doesn't always feel good. You said that we can't change our past, but we can shift our internal experience or interpretation of the past. And so what would you say then is the first step to shifting the internal feeling of being unsafe? I think it starts in the body. For people pleasers, for perfectionists, it can get very intellectual. What should I be telling myself? What are the exact words that I should be saying to myself? And of course, self-talk is very powerful.

4:31but I think it's from the neck down.

4:36It's slowing down our bodies. It's even just elongating the exhale sends immediate safety signals to our body. If we inhale for four, exhale for six, it's immediately telling the body, you're good, we're safe here. And again, that doesn't mean it feels good. It can feel kind of discouraging. Well, I took a deep breath. I still feel anxious, but good for you. you're noticing the anxiety that's there and you're allowing yourself to acknowledge it. That is such a huge step. It's big.

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6:55Meg Josephson:You've never been one to settle, stand down, or stand still. You're a lifelong learner, energized by excellence. There's a fire inside you you can't ignore. You've got competition to outrun, momentum to build on, and your own high standards to meet. Stop now? Not a chance. At Capella University, we help you catch what you're chasing, because you've always had the drive. Now, go earn the degree. Capella University. What can't you do? Visit capella.edu to learn more.