If You Want To Have An AMAZING FIRST DATE, Listen to This | Evy Poumpouras EP 298

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation show.

0:10I firmly believe that taking charge of your mindset allows you to be in the driver's seat of your life and unlock your potential. And that's why I'm thrilled to share that my new book is out right now. It's called The Greatness Mindset. In it, you'll learn how to build a plan for greatness through powerful exercises and toolkits designed to propel your life forward. This is the book that I wish I had 20 years ago. It's everything I've learned in the last decade with the research and the science to help you unlock your mind. Make sure to go to lewishouse.com slash 2023mindset to pick up your copy of my book, The Greatness Mindset, today.

0:51You've been maybe in an abusive relationship in the past where you were a doormat. You were walked on. You had no control, no authority. The person that you were in a relationship with walked over your boundaries, took advantage of all that. and you've had time to heal and now you're getting back out there. How can that person create a great dating experience in that first date to put themselves more in the driver's seat with some authority and not a doormat mentality? I think the first thing is don't take out on that person what was done to you by somebody else. That's the worst. Because we've all been victims of things to some degree, right?

1:27And let's say even if it was abuse, if it was horrible, it was that. it is also not fair to take that out on an innocent person, like to take your trauma out to someone else. And sometimes we can feel trauma elsewhere and then project it onto someone else who didn't cause that to us. So I would say that's the most important thing because it will allow you to connect. The other thing I will say is the majority of people tend to trust. When we have relationships with people, we tend to go and trust people. So when someone says something to you, you tend to believe it. You believe it. Knowing that we tend to believe people automatically, just hold a little bit of that back.

2:07Just be more reserved in how much you trust. Discerning about it. Yes. Just don't put it all out on the table. Oh my God, this guy's great. Or gal's great. I just connected with them. And then what we do, we go nose in. And so you don't want to give unconditional trust. So unconditional trust is like, I give you now trust across the board. I trust you in everything. when you start dating someone or any new relationship even in business always conditional trust i'm not going to trust you all the way i'm going to trust you part of the way so now here's the thing we love to trust unconditionally which is probably why we tend to just want to give people trust it's less work i could just turn my brain off i can trust you louis great story yeah let's ask me anything you want because you're asking the beginning is there anything off the table i'm I'm like, no, Louis, go ahead and ask.

2:55But you give that person unconditional trust, and I don't have to think so hard. I don't have to worry if you're going to manipulate me. I don't have to be on my guard. It's easy. It's easier, that relationship. Conditional trust means I have to be a bit more careful. So it's like me going to buy a car. I know I'm dealing with a car salesman. I know I should be careful. It's just understood that they try to get you to buy certain things. They use certain language. So when I go in, I go in with conditional trust. And so I'm better protected. That's why there you're less likely to get hurt in those situations where you understand, I can't fully give everything to this person.

3:32I can't fully trust them unconditionally. So I have to just be careful. The thing is, that's work. It's a lot of work. We get tired. We access a specific part of the brain when we do that, a more complex part of the brain. That's why unconditional trust, you don't want to give it right away. And that is why when we get betrayed by people close to us, That's why it hurts more. It's usually by people who betrayed us who we give unconditional trust to. What would be the three most fascinating questions someone could ask on a first date that would not be interrogational, but be connecting questions?

4:09Ted, tell me about yourself. Explain to me what your dreams are. Describe to me what your hopes are. Don't create a question because you may ask a question that you think is fascinating and they're going to look at you like, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. We're on a hypothetical first date. What would you say to me? Tell me about your podcast. I'd love to hear all about it. Explain to me how you got into that. Describe to me what it's like when you interview all these different people. I'm going to shut up and I'm going to let you go, Lewis. Because now I get to hear you. I get to see what you're like, your values, your beliefs.

4:38What excites you, what doesn't excite you. You're going to tell me about why you started it. You're going to tell me about your background, what got you into it, growing pains or heartaches or how this happened. You're going to tell me about your favorite guests. You're not favorite guest. You're going to tell me about the amazing things you learned or maybe some of the things that you were like, I can't believe I brought this guest on. And so now you just opened up this world and I had to do no work and I can just listen. So don't ask a direct question. Who is your favorite guest? Don't say that.

5:04No, tell me about your guests. And then I would allow you to naturally tell me on your own because you feel like you're in control. It's more likely that you will tell me on your own. But if I ask you directly and if you want to protect the integrity of the people you interview because you don't want to say, this is my favorite guest to make it public because it's going to hurt the people that come on the show, right? Your clientele, so to speak, your guests. It's like when people ask me, who's your favorite president? I always say, I love them all. I love protecting all of them. But if somebody says, tell me about the people you protected or tell me about the presidents you protected.

5:39Now, I feel comfortable. I'm in control. I'm talking. The more we talk, the more we leak. I'm less guarded. It's less direct. I don't even know you're trying to find that. And I may naturally on my own get there.

6:16our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

6:52Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.