If You Want Your Relationship To Thrive, Understand This | EP 841

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes, and welcome to The Daily Motivation Show.

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0:43Humans relating to other humans dynamically, whether whatever gender you identify with, it comes to the same components at our core. I believe we are more similar than dissimilar, but that doesn't mean that individuals are different. We actually thrive as a species when we allow like a puzzle all of us to have differences, different ideas, different strengths, different weaknesses, right? Different ways of being in navigating the world. So when we're talking about our personal romantic relationships, I think the core components are the same. And at our core, we all desire to be in relationship, to be connected.

1:23It might not be romantic. I'm open to actually a future where we begin to explore different iterations of relationships that might work for us, but at our core, we all desire to be part of some interpersonal dynamic, whether it's with one person, with the community of people, whatever it is, we need that. And in that then space of this relationship, whatever it might look like, we all the same desire to be honored for our individuality. So without even needing to gender it, I think if we make more and more space to create safety for every participant to begin to be who they really are. I think that's the goal ultimately.

2:03We have the idea that acceptance means enabling, condoning, allowing behaviors. We can accept someone for how they are or how they're choosing to be or whatever it is and make a choice that might be different than engaging, enabling, allowing. Knowing yourself. More often than not, the focus when you begin to meet someone, get to know them, go out on dates, whatever it is, however that looks for you, focusing more on, well, do they like me? Are they going to call me back? How was it the date for them? Right? As opposed to, do I like them? How am I experiencing this person? Is this someone I have interest in getting to know more?

2:43So many of us, again, from childhood, there was safety, maybe even, in worrying so much about other people and fitting your way into or being liked by someone else. So if you do see those patterns in yourself, I would imagine that they were adaptations that, again, were aimed at keeping you safe. So then the goal would be to begin to turn that focus and as opposed to worrying about what they think of you. And if you're going to get that call back, begin to attune to how you feel in this person's presence. And another profound thing is communication. And this might seem so simplistic, but I used to do a lot of work with couples.

3:19When I was in Philadelphia, I worked at the Council for Relationship, it was called. And true to its name, most people that came through the doors for treatment and sat in my office were couples. And, I mean, it's shocking to think of couples even on the brink of making a commitment like marriage who haven't actually had a direct conversation about let alone values, if they even are knowing what their own values are around children. like actual decisions that might the couple might you know face together never having directly explored with their partner what their interest is in terms of having children or not what physical geographical location like they want to look at how might they want their life to look you brought up travel some of these things for so many many more couples than i would have imagined aren't actually spoken about and maybe some of it is because these people as individuals might not know right discovering yourself in that way what are your values even if we are adults who maybe heard that word value and want to live a value-driven life we might not actually know what we value and how we want our future we might be relying on the relationships we saw in childhood or the limitations that we've created based on right the adaptations how we felt we had to amend ourselves So those two things, while I simplified them, are a big part of that dating journey, getting really connected to you so that you can not only know if you're interested in someone, so you can have those conversations where you're able to show up with your side of the value sheet to even see if there is alignment there and then communication, communication, communication.

5:12Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on The School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

6:02Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

6:17Thank you.