Improve Your Relationships & Build Deeper Connections | Jen Hatmaker EP 427

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation show.

0:10I firmly believe that taking charge of your mindset allows you to be in the driver's seat of your life and unlock your potential. And that's why I'm thrilled to share that my new book is out right now. It's called The Greatness Mindset. In it, you'll learn how to build a plan for greatness through powerful exercises and toolkits designed to propel your life forward. This is the book that I wish I had 20 years ago. It's everything I've learned in the last decade with the research and the science to help you unlock your mind. Make sure to go to lewishouse.com slash 2023mindset to pick up your copy of my book, The Greatness Mindset, today.

0:52This narrative that any given relationship, just pick one, any given relationship, it could be with your kid, it could be with your spouse, it could be with a co-worker, your boss, whatever, would be different if only that person would fix A, B, and C. That would make life easy. That is all I ever wanted is for you to be better. Right, right, right. That's not true because really it's still on us what we're going to allow and how we're going to respond because it's not ever really about that other person. It's wherever you go, there you are. And you repeat the pattern with the next person over and over.

1:31Of course you do. And in any relational dynamic, it's not only romantic. Yeah, business, friends, family, everything. It will repeat. One thing I'm working on with my therapist right now, and this is hard for me, I didn't realize this was hard for me, is I'm incredibly judgmental, deeply judgmental of myself. When I have a thing come up, I am judgmental of my own response. I am learning. I prefer stability. I prefer things to be nice. Safe and protective. Equilibrium. I like it right here. right around the same equal line, give or take a degree. So I struggle to let hard things be hard. I struggle to let bad things be bad.

2:13I struggle to let sad things be sad. I judge those things. I judge them that hard is bad. Sad is bad. Mad is bad. Disruptive is bad. Maybe it's uncomfortable for you. because it's uncomfortable. And so this work of learning to be less judgmental of the thing that's not good. Good's my favorite. Good is my favorite. Good and happy. That's my favorite space. So anything that's outside of that, rather than say something is wrong in me that I'm feeling this, how can I hurry up and hustle this back to good and happy, but rather non-judgmentally observe it like why is this coming up in me it has no morality it's just this what it is there's something here willing to teach me something if i'll listen instead of just shove it back into a corner cover it with a blanket and pretend like it never happened and so this is really hard work for me i mean i have really practiced the art of compartmentalization i guess for 46 years your life yeah so i am good at it like i am really good at i can hustle a story into its tidiest version in like half a minute.

3:21You know what I mean? I can soften the blow of a really serious letdown quickly and be like, but here's the silver lining, but here's what I've learned, but here's why I'm happy. And so sitting in the discomfort and not judging the discomfort, but rather asking it, you're here for something. Are you trying to protect me? Are you trying to show me something? are you trying to keep me safe? Are you a warning sign? Because I have learned incredibly deeply that my body, my soul, and my mind have been sending up so many flares for me for the last few years. And I was like, nope. About what? All kinds of things.

4:06Things that any other normal person would say, this feels like a red flag, relationally. And some family rhythms. even just as somebody who loves and is observing another person very close to you, flares, flares. And I'm like, nah, not here, not us, not this. We are outside of that story. Beyond that. We're outside of that. There it is. And so learning to trust myself again is new. That's new. My body is one agenda. My body is team Jen. That's it. no other agenda except to keep me safe and healthy, out of harm and flourishing. So if my body's telling me something, I don't listen. You weren't listening.

4:50No. What were you doing? Judging. I was judging those signals. I was judging those instincts flaring up, trying to like get my attention, say something's wrong here. I don't want things to be wrong. I want them to be good and happy. This is all new work for me. It's taken me half my life to get here and I'm not great at it yet. But I'm learning. I'm learning.

5:21Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation. And I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on The School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

6:11Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.