Improve Your Relationships & Build Deeper Connections | Jen Hatmaker

0:00Jen Hatmaker:What should you invest in and how often? Making investing decisions is easier with Fidelity. With their step-by-step experience, you can find investments based on your goals and comfort level. And if you'd like, you can decide how much and how often to invest with recurring investments that happen automatically. Ready to make your next investing decision? Head to fidelity.com slash trading. Investing involves risk, including risk of loss. Fidelity Brokerage Services, LLC, member NYSE SIPC. Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:42This narrative that any given relationship, just pick one, any given relationship, it could be with your kid, it could be with your spouse, it could be with a co-worker, your boss, whatever, would be different if only that person would fix A, B, and C. that would make life easy. That is all I've ever wanted is for you to be better. Right, right, right. That's not true because really it's still on us what we're going to allow and how we're going to respond because it's not ever really about that other person. It's wherever you go, there you are. And you repeat the pattern with the next person over and over.

1:21Of course you do. And in any relational dynamic, it's not only romantic. Business, friends, family. It will repeat. One thing I'm working on with my therapist right now, and this is hard for me, I didn't realize this was hard for me, is I'm incredibly judgmental, deeply judgmental of myself. When I have a thing come up, I am judgmental of my own response. I am learning. I prefer stability. I prefer things to be nice. Safe and protective. Equilibrium. I like it right here. Right around the same equal line. Give or take a degree. Yeah. So I struggle to let hard things be hard. I struggle to let bad things be bad.

2:03I struggle to let sad things be sad. I judge those things. I judge them that hard is bad. Sad is bad. Mad is bad. Disruptive is bad. Maybe it's uncomfortable for you. Because it's uncomfortable. And so this work of learning to be less judgmental of the thing that's not good. Good's my favorite. Good is my favorite. Good and happy. That's my favorite space. So anything that's outside of that, rather than say something is wrong in me that I'm feeling this, how can I hurry up and hustle this back to good and happy, but rather non-judgmentally observe it like, why is this coming up in me? It has no morality.

2:45It's just, it's what it is. Is there something here willing to teach me something if I'll listen instead of just shove it back into a corner, cover it with a blanket and pretend like it never happened? And so this is really hard work for me. I mean, I have really practiced the art of compartmentalization, I guess, for 46 years. The whole life. Yeah. So I am good at it. Like, I am really good at it. I can hustle a story into its tidiest version in like half a minute. Wow. You know what I mean? I can soften the blow of a really serious letdown quickly and be like, but here's the silver lining, but here's what I've learned, but here's why I'm happy.

3:24And so sitting in the discomfort and not judging the discomfort, but rather asking it, you're here for something. Are you trying to protect me? Are you trying to show me something? Are you trying to keep me safe? Are you a warning sign? Because I have learned incredibly deeply that my body, my soul, and my mind have been sending up so many flares for me for the last few years. And I was like, nope. About what? All kinds of things. Things that any other normal person would say, this feels like a red flag, relationally. And some family rhythms, even just as somebody who loves and is observing another person very close to you.

4:09Flares, flares. And I'm like, nah, not here. Not us. Not this. We are outside of that story. Beyond that. We're outside of that narrative. And so learning to trust myself again is new. That's new. My body is one agenda. My body is team gin. That's it. No other agenda except to keep me safe and healthy, out of harm, and flourishing. So if my body's telling me something, I ought to listen. You weren't listening? No. What were you doing? Judging. I was judging those signals. I was judging those instincts flaring up, trying to get my attention, say something's wrong here. I don't want things to be wrong.

4:51I want them to be good and happy. Yeah. This is all new work for me. It's taken me half my life to get here. And I'm not great at it yet. But I'm learning. I'm learning.

5:07I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy. And if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life, and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you want to make it easier, you want to make it flow, you want to feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy. I really think this is going to help you transform your relationship with money this moment moving forward. We have some big guests and content coming up. Make sure you're following and stay tuned to this episode of The Daily Motivation Show.

5:45Given more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter. Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

6:29Jen Hatmaker:in automatically. Ready to make your next investing decision? Head to fidelity.com slash trading. Investing involves risk, including risk of loss. Fidelity Brokerage Services, LLC, member NYSE SIPC.