Jay Shetty: Why Stress Kills Love & How to Ask for Love the Right Way

0:00I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy. and if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you wanna make it easier, you wanna make it flow, you wanna feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy. I really think this is gonna help you transform your relationship with money this moment moving forward. We have some big guests and content coming up. Make sure you're following and stay tuned to this episode of The Daily Motivation Show.

0:38Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to The Daily Motivation Show.

0:49When I started this journey in my life of trying to make wisdom go viral and to share ideas and and help people train their mind for peace and purpose every day, there was a certain speed and pace that allowed me to figure out what I needed to do every 12 months. And now I feel like I'm moving away from thinking about the next 12 months to thinking about the next 12 years, and thinking about the next 20 years, and thinking about the next 30 years. And so I feel like I'm at an evolution and growth in my own life where a change of pace will be what I'm looking for. Because I found that up until now, I felt like I had to do lots of little things all the time to be able to establish what I'm doing today.

1:35And now I realize it's actually going to take fewer, bigger things that you can only get to if you've done this step before. But now I realize that that's what it's going to take. And so what I found was, as I was doing this work, I realized that often the blocks to love are not because you don't have the deep intention to love people, but it's that you are putting yourself under so much stress and pressure that you're too agitated and irritated to be present and actually share love. So I saw this study that talked about how you think you don't wake up early the next morning, even though you wanted to, because you're bad at waking up early but the truth is it's because you're actually experiencing stress and when you're experiencing stress you can't implement a new habit and so reducing stress allows you to be the person you want to be if you think about when you when you say something you don't want to say it's because you're irritated reactive yeah when you do something you don't want to do it's because you're stressed when you react to someone in a way that you don't think is yourself, it's because you're agitated.

2:45So we act in unloving ways because we are putting ourselves under stress, irritation, agitation, or pressure. And so for me, what I've realized that if I want to be my best loving self and be present with each and every person and be conscious of that energy, I have to learn to not put myself under so much stress that I can't be present. So that's been a big lesson of love that you can't love while you're putting yourself under stress or pressure in any way and it goes back to your kind of theme about peace and purpose every day i don't think you can fully give your authentic heart without being peace yes without being in a state of peace and i understand life happens and stresses happen but creating a baseline going back to peace so you can be present yeah when we're not in peace when we're stressed you're in scarcity mode you're in fight or flight, you're not present with your friends or family, your loved ones, or just acquaintances.

3:43You're reactive. Totally. And people don't feel loved when you're not present. Yes, exactly. You're not looking them in the eyes or just listening to them and being in a good state of being around them. Yeah. The other one that came to mind when you said that as you're speaking is Russell Barkley said that the people who need the most love ask for it in the most unloving ways. And so true. The commitment I've made to myself is I no longer want to ask for love in unloving ways. I no longer want to be snappy to feel loved. I no longer want to be demanding to experience love. I no longer want to make someone else feel a passive aggressive comment to feel love.

4:33I want to communicate about the type of love I need in an open and honest way, rather than trying to hope that someone else is going to figure it out because I'm sending subliminal messages or I'm being distant or I'm avoiding them. And so that was something deeply that I learned was that we just constantly keep asking even the people that love us the most, we keep requesting and demanding love in the most unloving ways. And if we can free ourselves of that, you can actually make a relationship really special and beautiful. And so we have to let go of that. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation.

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6:03Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.