Keys to Chemistry & Love | Stephan Speaks EP 364

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

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0:53So if you're ready to learn, heal, and grow alongside other incredible individuals in the greatness community, then you can learn more at lewishouse.com slash summit 2023. Make sure to grab your ticket, invite your friends, and I'll see you there.

1:14What's your definition of chemistry, connection, and compatibility? Chemistry, to me, is the art of getting along flowing with each other, all right? chemistry can be created, it can be destroyed. Think about it from a team sports perspective. You can put players together and they have to build team chemistry. So, through repetition, through practice, they can get to a point of having chemistry. Yes, some people have instant chemistry, all right. But just as it was instant, it can also be broken. Instantly. Exactly. You know, we can start to not get along and not flow with each other very easily.

1:53things can get in the way. And again, this happens even in team sports or even in the corporate arena where you have team building exercises but then things happen that destroy the structure of the business. So, that's chemistry. That's chemistry. How important is chemistry? It is still very important. It is not the most important and I say that to mean chemistry has to be in every relationship for it to work and flourish. But it does not set the stage for everything else, all right? Connection sets the stage for everything else. So, basically if you have connection you will be able to have chemistry and compatibility.

2:29But now, let's talk about compatibility. I believe compatibility is a very logic-based structure of putting two people together. We're compatible in the sense that we share values. You can meet someone that you are quote-unquote compatible with. You guys share similar values, you guys come from even maybe the same kind of cultures. There could be a lot of things that make you guys compatible on paper. But again, without connection it won't matter. So, I would argue that a lot of marriages let's even talk about arranged marriages. Some of them were built on compatibility. Well, this person came from the right family so we like this, they have a good job, they have a good education, they would be a good fit here.

3:14They share the same values. But when those two people are really alone with each other it doesn't always hit. which is why if you go on an online dating site, it can match two people together that are compatible on paper. Interesting. But in person, it doesn't always play out the same. Because what is missing? The chemistry or more importantly, the connection. And sometimes we might be tricked. Oh, we feel the spark of chemistry, but you may not have connection. Is that true? Absolutely. If we can't find true connection or if there isn't connection, can connection be created? No, and so that's the huge distinction to me with connection.

3:51Connection cannot be created nor can it be destroyed. It's either there or it's not. There's nothing you can do to build connection. You can build a stronger bond. You can create a stronger attachment to each other, but that still doesn't mean connection is there. And you see this play out in situations where you have people who could meet each other right now, have this amazing connection. Something happens where they fall apart. they come back together years later, 10, 20 years later, and it's like they never stop talking. It just falls right back into place. It's connection. It's a deeper thing that's occurring there.

4:26To me, connection is your spirit recognizing its match. It is something that is happening beneath the surface, all right? Which is why many people who have felt connection, you can't always explain it. Connection does not always line up with the logic of compatibility. It's not always, oh, well, it makes sense because of this. No, no, no, no. It's just there. You just feel something with this person. You feel drawn to them. It's so much deeper than anything you've ever felt. You can be compatible with tons of people. You can have chemistry with tons of people. You do not feel connection with a bunch of people, period.

5:00If we were to survey people who have felt a connection in their life, you'd be lucky to find many who can say two times. The majority will say it's a one-time occurrence that has happened to them, all right? And being able to have that again, it's very difficult. Now, I don't want anyone listening to be discouraged if they did not end up with the person they had a connection with. I'm not saying it's impossible for it to happen a second time but I will say that if you surveyed people you would have a hard time finding that many people that said it happened twice.

5:37Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on The School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

6:33Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.