Level Up Your Emotional Intelligence | Dr. Nicole LePera

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

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1:20I think we have like maybe five, six, maybe seven strong positive memories. Then we have five or six or seven, strong negative memories that we always kind of reflect back to and think about. I don't really remember much from ages five to 18 in between those five to 10 memories on each side. The reason that you have those really high positives and maybe really low negatives was because of the emotionality attached. So the bigger the emotion, we tend to be able to retain those because our memory center, our emotional center, our limbic system, it's all interconnected. And a lot of the reasons why we encode and then can retrieve, essentially put the memory in and access it later is because of the emotionality.

2:02How strong it was. How strong it was. So what were the memories you had, the experiences you had that created the limiting beliefs? It's interesting you say this because then there's another category and this is where I fall and actually diagnosed myself with a memory impairment for quite some years. Memory impairment. Impairment based on the fact that I had no memories. So when I realized I had no memory, I had two theories, two working theories. Two working theories. One was that I had such a cataclysmic trauma that I can't remember, and that washed all my memories. And I spent a lot of time thinking, oh gosh, what could it have been?

2:37And I keep coming up with. And then the other diagnosis that I gave myself was a memory impairment. So flashing forward, I've now come to realize that I started to share. When I got the Instagram platform, I started to talk a bit more openly about my lack of memories. I started to understand our nervous system and our stress responses a bit more. And I came to realize that more of us, that we don't have memories and it doesn't have to be, you know, a biological thing wrong in our brains. And it doesn't have to be the big T is like the big T trauma that I think a lot of us talk about the big cataclysmic event.

3:12Yeah. So sometimes it's a low lie or low level stress, chronic stress and inability to have emotions present in the home that results in that lack of memory. So anyway, to answer your question, though, the way I came to know that I had a lot of my lack based mindset was because we still remember. So I have people who reach out to me like, oh, my gosh, if I can't remember, how will I heal? So I don't have a visual memory. I can't go back in time. And when I talk about inner child work and you go back to heal, you don't need the memory to heal the way that I see it, because we all are a walking memory, whether it's in my habits, based on our reactions, our triggers, our patterns.

3:50the thoughts that we frequently think. So a lot of mine would orbit around lack-based or not having type of things, lack of consideration. So we can see evidence of our past, whether or not we see our past in that or visual. A lot of mine was based around this concept of being considered. So for me, it was a bit of emergence between lack. So when I attribute that to my dad, he very much was... My parents are much older. When they had me, my mom was 42 and my dad was 45. My dad very much had a lot of the depression error-based thinking. I mean, my garage looks like a fallout shelter with literally twine wrapped up because enough twine put together.

4:32You have a rope. I mean, that kind. So very direct ways and indirect ways. I'm sure my dad's messaging about money and holding and keeping. And then the consideration piece gets wrapped up in there for me. You weren't being taken, you weren't being considered? Not being considered. You weren't being seen or being thought about? Yes, and that comes to my mother, who was very much emotionally, completely vacant, absent, and so not feeling seen, heard, understood. So for me, when items would go missing, like my brownie that I really wanted, it became not only do I not have enough for me, but the meaning that I assigned was I'm not considered.

5:10inside I was like a little girl who was not being seen and was being told that there's not enough for me and I mean so that's where that pain was coming from when I was tearing around the apartment about my brownie it wasn't about my brownie and I think that's the way that I mean if we all look at ourself and our patterns and I'm always talking about developing self-observation to do that all of our clues are there our past is present with us and that's why we're stuck and that's why we can't the way I say it at least that's why a lot of us struggle to move forward and that's why I hear the word stuck probably more often than I hear any word spoken.

5:42So how do people get unstuck? First, I think consciousness. We have to become conscious to ourselves because we're in our autopilot 95 % of the day if we're not conscious. And that's going to be the program that we're running day after day after day. So without consciousness, there is no change. And then becoming conscious to our patterns. We are incredibly habitual creatures as humans. And then the way I say it is they induce feelings, actual changes in our body's physiology and our neurotransmitters and our stress hormones. And then that becomes our normal. And that becomes our stuck place. So without consciousness, I don't think change happens.

6:29Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation. And I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description that will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

7:19Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.

7:33Thank you.