Mind-Blowing Secrets to Crush Rejection and Supercharge Your Self-Esteem | Guy Winch EP 782

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:11how can we start to self-diagnose the emotional wounds that we deal with and how can we know when we are having a symptom of an emotional wound that is worthy of a deeper look rather than just a quick rub it off or a band-aid i would use a similar guideline that you do for a physical wound, you might wake up with a little bit of a scratchy throat or a sniffle, but you don't know if it's going to go somewhere. If two days later, you're still sniffling and scratchy, you might consider that you have a cold or something worse, and you might want to do something about it, but it might go away. It's the same thing.

0:47We get, you know, wounded all the time. Every time you check social media and that person didn't like your thing or, you know, share your thing or respond to your thing, we feel rejected. And every little swipe that doesn't get swiped back. You know, we feel rejected. A lot of rejection in the world today because we're tethered to so many people electronically. Just the opportunities are tremendous. But if it nags you, really nags you, if it's really bothering you, if you're having trouble shaking it, that's when you might want to consider doing a quick exercise or doing something to actually treat the wound rather than just waiting for it to go away.

1:24So what would that nagging feeling look like for someone if it's an emotional wound what could that is it a physical sensation internally is it like their chest is tight or their it's a preoccupation yeah probably and it's a mood probably a rumination of something it could be a rumination or just you keep thinking back like why doesn't she haven't responded i thought the date was good and why why is it like she's not responding i guess it's like now she's ghosting me like i don't understand and it's four five days and it was one date right and and you you just don't get over it now you don't have to don't have to run to therapy for that.

1:57But there are certain exercises you can do to just revitalize your self-esteem, your mood. What's a couple, what's an exercise that someone can do if they feel rejected or feel like someone hurt them, whether it was intentional or not? There are two things. Actually, there are many more than two, but I'm going to mention two. One is the don't do. The don't do is, the first thing we all do is become very self-critical. In our efforts to understand why it happened, we review everything that might not be great with us to see if that's the reason. is it because I'm not this or I am that or I'm too much here I'm too little here maybe it's because oh I knew I shouldn't have done like there's this this and and this is not you just got rejected not the best time to go through the greatest hits of your insecurities you know you want to be doing the opposite when reviving your self-esteem not actually reviewing all the wounds that you've sustained in the past because when you look at past wounds you reactivate them emotionally right if if you know you had physical injuries if you think about them they're not going to hurt.

2:53But if you think about some of the emotional times about the rejections or about the depressions or about something that got you really upset, you're going to get upset again, even if it's 20 years later. Isn't that interesting? It is, but that's the problem. When we think about a memory of trauma that we have yet to heal and we relive that in our mind, is it almost just like we're living that moment all over again? Yeah, but it's not one that you have yet to heal. It can be one you've healed. If you think about something small and incredibly irritating that happened 15 years ago and you start literally thinking through the details you're going to start to feel really irritated it has zero consequence or meaning in the present none but that's how we are i mean our emotional reflection reactivates these things so so and and it's important because if that's when if you're spinning about oh i'm not this enough or that enough and that person rejected me was it for the same reason is it is it like is it this like what's going on like you start to question yourself And that's just doing damage to your self-esteem.

3:53Because if it's after one date, and really, truly, if it's after five, whatever the reason is, it's about chemistry. It's about fit. It's about timing. It's not personal. It's personal in that you might not have been good fit for them, but it doesn't mean you're a bad person or not a great fit for anyone else. Why do so many people take it personally when they get rejected in a dating situation or relationship? It's not only that. They take it personally and then they generalize it to mean something even bigger than what it does. I never find love. Really? She just didn't swipe back. That seems like a leap, an inference to make from that.

4:27But it's a very natural thing we do. We assume it's us. Now, literally, people do that when they text it with somebody back and forth for a bit and then that person disappears. You have no idea if you're even talking to a real person. You have no idea. That person might be in the hospital. They might have been chatting with you to piss off the person they're actually living with at the time. They might be going through whatever hell we could work. There's a thousand things that can be going on for you to assume that you did something wrong in five texts that was so bad that it's completely unnecessary.

4:58But that's where the mind goes. So let's stop that damage. That's the first thing to not do. But the thing you can do is the opposite. You want to remind yourself in those moments of what you bring to the table. what you do have to offer. Now, you can't fool yourself. You can't say to yourself, I'm the most gorgeous person in the world if you're not. And if the feedback that you get is that you're not because your mind won't believe that. You know, we have this automatic way of thinking that will reject things that fall outside the sphere of what it considers believable. And so you can't just like convince yourself of something that's not true.

5:34You have to focus on the things that are. So think about your best attributes. I have amazing eyes. I know I'm going to find someone who will want to gaze into them. I am such a great listener. I'm emotionally available, and I'm always up for doing things. Those are wonderful qualities and characters that somebody will appreciate, etc. You actually review what is worthwhile about you and not do the opposite.

6:08Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on The School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

6:58Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.