Overcome The Fear Of Judgement To Build A Resilient Business | Gino Wickman

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation show.

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0:50Of those three fears, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of judgment, what was the biggest fear for you? Two months ago, I would have told you fear of failure. So it was fear of failure up to 35. It was fear of success. Really? From 35 to 40. Oh, I'm so terrified. Of succeeding? The thought of doing this podcast and putting myself out there was petrified. Why? I don't know. I literally felt like somebody was going to kill me. I literally, it's going to come to judgment because we're getting to this third one. I was terrified. I don't know what it was, but you were succeeding. So you were afraid of success.

1:31Yeah. So once I turned that corner and I was succeeding, I was terrified of success. Then, so what I learned, this came to me so clearly. I became hyper aware of how judged I felt by everyone. But fear of success, fear of failure, it's all judgment. It's all judgment. So here I am, this being for 40, 54 years of feeling judged. You know, I meditate a lot and that really helps you process and connect with whatever it is. And man, it's been a light bulb moment. But it took you 50 years. Exactly. And by the way, definitely progress over 54 years. It's not like it was a complete light bulb moment.

2:15I saw little bits of it, but it came really clear in the last few months. So do you feel like the fear of failure and success was based on the judgment, fear of judgment? If I look at it, for sure. Because think about it. I feared failure because people would laugh at me. If I failed, oh, how embarrassing. I wasn't worried about me failing. I was worried about people's perception of me failing. Me succeeding. That wasn't worrying about me succeeding. I was worried about what other people were going to say and do. It was all about them, them, them, them. It's all judgment. It was all judgment. This is my journey.

2:48I'm not trying to teach anybody anything right now. I'm just telling you my personal story. How'd you flip the switch then? I wish I could tell you. But I stayed with it and I sat in it. So like what I've learned as well is whenever you have pain, you have to sit in it. And sometimes you sit in it for a minute and you cry your eyes out and it hurts like hell and you want to keep stuffing it down. But at some point you got to stop. Sometimes you have to sit with it for months. What was the pain for you? I wouldn't describe it as pain. I was disgusted with myself. I was disgusted with myself. How could I worry so much about people's judgment?

3:24So that's all pain. The root of all that is pain. So I can't describe it as pain to you now, but it's just sitting in that disgusted feeling like, ah, this is like every day you would think about like, what does this person think about me? And what is this? I'm putting this book out. What are people's reviews going to be? Or so I would say it was just being really hyper aware because then somebody shared something with me that was really cool and they said, so all day, every day, think about every decision you make and everything you do and are you doing it out of fear or are you doing it out of love?

3:55And every decision was out of fear. Really? Fearing some ramification. Not everyone. I'm not being a little too extreme. But most of them. But a lot of them. I mean, a lot of them. The core was out of it, yeah. Yeah, so it's all in there. This is something I've been thinking about for a while, that the fear of failure, the fear of success, the fear of judgment, the core of that that I've realized and learn from all the people I've interviewed in my personal experience is that at the core of that is I don't feel I'm enough. So when we go back to knowing that you deserve it, and this is something that I believe also people are going to judge you if you're on the couch making no money, and people are going to judge you if you're at the top of the mountain.

4:27They're going to judge you every stage of the way. But also, here's what else is worth. Most of them aren't even thinking about you. You know, you're sitting there worrying about their job. Half of them aren't even thinking about you, but yes, the rest are judging you. You can't, I mean, anyway, I cut you off. No, you're good. I mean, I think people are going to judge you no matter what you do. So you might as well do what you love with the people you love. Make a difference doing the things that you're good at. Get compensated in the process. And have time to enjoy your life. Whatever that thing is inside, learn how to heal.

4:56I think that's the most important work that we can, as humans, learn to do. Learn how to heal whatever frustration from career, business, relationships, parents, family, whatever it is. learn how to heal that thing because it'll shed that weight it'll give us confidence and courage to go after what we want to ask the hard questions you're so right on so you're in in my humble opinion i happen to agree with you 100 and and it is simple to heal that but it's starting by saying i've got pain and i don't want that pain anymore and i don't want and so i want to acknowledge identify, discover all of my pain, where it came from, and I want it gone.

5:37The second you decide that, the answers come because that's what started to happen for me 20 years ago. And these people would come into my life that would take me deep, help me with things. So you got to start by just saying, I want it gone. I had to get to a place of like, it doesn't matter what people think of me when I'm vulnerable, the judgment, because I was so afraid of people making fun of me if I cry, Or if I just expressed a vulnerability. You don't have to cry to do that. And once I did it once, I feel like it took 20 years of courage to build up to do it that one time. And then it became easier every time to just speak what I need to speak, to express myself vulnerably.

6:15And it feels incredible. It doesn't mean there's no problems or challenges, but it feels incredible to be on the other side of that journey.

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7:27Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.