Psychological Hacks To Get Honesty Out Of Anyone | Evy Poumpouras

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

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0:48What would you say is the thing that we should be thinking about every time we meet someone new, whether it be a stranger or an important meeting? You have to bring all of you. The majority of what we communicate with people, if we look at the science, and this is truly science-based, is almost 70 % of what you communicate with people is this, your body. And people don't pay attention to it. So when they're sitting in a meeting, something as simple as having very poor posture, so slouching the whole time. Sit up, show them you're there, taking space. If I was doing this interview with you and I just was kind of sitting like this, I'm conveying to everybody out there, I'm not sure of myself.

1:28I don't feel comfortable. I'm insecure. You're going to make an assessment of me. But when you take up space, when you open yourself up, it shows I matter. I'm here. People throw that out. People throw the body out. The other thing is, paralinguistics is powerful. What you sound like when you speak. My tone, my pitch, my voice. Even, and especially with women, this is one place where women sometimes, we bring in these really high tones and these very, my girly voice, I can bring that in. Everything's a question also. Yes. That sends a message about who we are and who we aren't. They actually, some of the research says, only 7 % accounts to what you actually say.

2:06So people will sit and memorize a speech. They will memorize a speech. I have to get this perfect. But that's only 7 % of what people actually hear. The two most important things is your body, the tool. Are you bringing it? Is it engaging? Are you connecting with people? Even eye contact. When you talk to someone, are you really looking at them? Or do you break eye contact a lot? Most of the time we break eye contact when we talk to people, especially when we want to remember something. When you're really trying to bring it in a scenario, in an interview, you're hiring someone or they're hiring you, bring it.

2:41Be there. Eye contact also conveys a huge amount of trust and a huge amount of confidence. So one of the things I hear is, oh, I'm uncomfortable with eye contact. It's going to affect you. Because now when I read you, that's not a confident person. Do I want to hire this confident person? So if they look you in the eyes while they're communicating with you or while you're communicating with them, it shows they're more confident. It conveys strength and trust, confidence in myself. Also, eye contact, again, overwhelmingly when we look at the data and research, it conveys trust. That's why everyone's like, look me in the eyes and tell me the truth.

3:16When it comes to reading people, it's not about one thing somebody does. And I see it a lot where, oh, a liar is anyone who always does this or anyone who always does that. It is seeing the person's behavior and then pulling out red flags. So, for example, if we go and actually one of the best ways to detect deception is through verbal. Words actually give people away a bit more. How many cues would you say that you're looking for? Are there a set of cues that you're like, okay, I look for these five things. No. Nope. Four of them are off. Because you may not do those things. Or I might just be like a nervous person in general.

3:52Yes. You're like, why is this person nervous? Well, I'm always nervous or something, right? When I first came in, you spent 10 minutes, 15 minutes chatting with me. Why do you do that? Well, I don't want to just jump right into an interview. I want to build a connection. I want to see what you're up to. What's really exciting in your life right now? Is there something off in your life, you know, that we can talk about and go into and really just build a connection. So when you connect with them, do you not also get their energy? Yeah, their behavior. Their behavior, their energy, their movement.

4:19how they sit and all that. Do you ever get somebody that's maybe you read them? Your impression is this person's a bit more shy. I don't want to have a boring interview. Yeah. They're all off or they need this. I need to bring it. I need to make it more comfortable. And what you're trying to do is figure out that person's baseline when you first read them. What's their baseline? Oh, right now I've got somebody very timid. They're not going to bring it. This podcast is going to suck. I can't have that. I want to have people feeling inspired. So you assess people's baseline. Everyone's different.

4:46So when you assess a baseline is this is who this person is in this moment. Now, when you start asking them questions, if you ask me questions, then if I don't like it, you'll see a deviation. So Evie, you know, the entire time we were speaking, she's been sitting this way using her hands. She's expressive using illustrators. And if you ask me a question that I don't like, well, I could just put my hands away. Nothing more than put my hands away. And I can notice, oh, there's a shift here. Wait a minute, right. You're gonna say, this whole time I've been speaking with her hands. She's very illustrative.

5:17And now she put her hands away. What you're looking at is, what did I just do? I asked a question or I said something or did something. And as a result of that, it caused a shift in behavior. Mm-hmm. That's a bit of a red flag. Now, what you do next is, why in your head? Why did she do that? You bank it in your mind. Yes. Now, if you're a good interviewer, and it depends how deep you want to go, you'll ask me questions about it. That topic that made you feel there was a shift. There was a shift. Oh, there's something here. Oh, I want to know. Oh, what is she hiding? Oh, what is the story there that I want to know about?

5:50That can do that. For other people, I could just be sitting here the whole time. You ask me a question. I could do something as simple as put my hand over my mouth right before I answer you. But you could say, why did she just put her hand over her mouth? The thing is, what did I do? What did I say that caused her to do that? The goal is for you to be not afraid to ask questions. The majority of the population, very fear-based. We don't like confrontation. We don't want to push through or ask. And we let things go instead of being curious. I listen to people. I love to hear their story. And when you talk to them, they will tell you what they want to tell you and they'll leave some stuff out.

6:27Can't you tell sometimes the parts that they leave out of themselves that they just don't want to share? Right. There's like something missing there. The energy shifts, the behavior shifts. It's behavior. I think people say energy because they just don't know how to define it. When someone walks through the door, I try to open my arms. I think right away I was just like, hey, you know, I open my arms. High five on that one. I try to open my arms and really just kind of be, you know, a joyful person. Whether it's someone I know or someone I'm just meeting. Because I want people to feel like this is a safe space.

6:59And this is a joyful place. And I'm a safe human being. You know, I'm not going to hurt anyone here. So let me ask you a question. And I also know I'm much bigger than a lot of people. Did anybody teach you that? Or is that something you normally do on your own? I've just done it for years. I can't think if someone taught me. I don't remember. Because I think when I started doing it, probably in my teens or early 20s, I was like, oh, people are much more receptive to this. You know, there's probably a reward for that behavior based on what I was doing. So I go, let me just always be this way, you know?

7:27So actually, there's a term for that. It's called an open posture, welcoming posture. So this is when you want people to not feel intimidated. You want people to connect with you. What you want to do is exactly what you did. Supervisors, anybody out there, listen up. If this is you want to connect with people or people are intimidated by you, open posture. I'm open. My hands are out. My hands are open. Two, nothing's in my hands. And you said, I'm safe. I'm not hiding anything. I don't have anything. My hands aren't in my pockets. I don't have anything in my hands. I'm open. I'm safe. I'm welcoming you.

7:58Yes. That's one of the first things they teach you in the foundation when it came to negotiation and interviewing school. Have an open posture when you speak to people. This is the open posture. Exactly what you do with everybody you meet. And it's smart that you do that because it's disarming. They feel relaxed. They feel welcome. They feel open. They connect with you. And you're going to have a better interview. Right.

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9:23Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.