Reach Beyond Your Limits by Training Your Mind | Marisa Peer EP 574

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:11When the symptom has a role, function, purpose, and an intention, it's not going anywhere. So if someone has headaches, you would walk them through what's the role of that headache, what's the function? Yeah, what's the benefit? Yeah, what's the payoff? Even with children of five, if I say to a five-year-old, Baby, I know this is a silly question, but if the headache was your friend, what would it be doing? They go, well, when mommy and daddy fight and I've got a headache, they stop fighting. They turn off all the lights and we lie in the dark till it goes away. There's a kid who's had a thought, I got to stop mommy and daddy fighting.

0:50And because they're not logical creatures, they're feeling creatures, a feeling mindset and illness, will stop your parents fighting. Maybe failing at school will make them see that you're unhappy. Maybe getting X will make your mom spend ages massaging the cream into your skin. And you might feel that you matter to her. Because every time you speak to her, she goes, I'm busy at work. I'm doing my emails. I've got to speak to work. And kids think, I want mommy to notice me in the mind, which is illogical, goes, can I come up with? Well, we can have asthma, eczema, dermatitis, irritable bowel. Obesity.

1:27Yeah, and 70 % of these issues, although the symptoms are real, you have a real migraine and real flaky skin, the cause of them is completely psychosomatic because the mind's job is to tune into your thoughts and give you what it thinks you want. And it can only work that out by what you say. When you say, this 405 is killing me, I'm dying under paper, my boss makes me want to kill myself. your mind goes you better not go back to that place called work i think i should give you an ulcer or agoraphobia because you keep saying that the commute is killing you the job is killing you and we say things like killing it dying here you know one of my clients was telling me that her boss just died he used to sign off all his emails busy busy video wish i was dead a joke and then he got cancer and died really fast.

2:22But his signature was, I wish I was dead. And they'll say, oh, somebody asked me, I want to die. Oh, my boss promoted me. I want to die. I'm going to kill it. And we don't understand that the brain has no sense of humor and only picks up words and thinks they're real. Why were you so fascinated by human behavior in the first place? Well, I was told I could never have children. When I was 17, I stopped having periods completely. And all the doctors said, well, you know, you have infertility unexplained, which I thought that's a good title, isn't it? Unexplained. Because explained is your fallopian tubes are blocked or you don't have enough estrogen.

3:05But unexplained means everything's working. We have no idea what's going on. So I decided to just work on myself and I simply wouldn't accept that. And I did get pregnant, but then they said, well, everything's going to be wrong with this baby, and it's going to have the same issues that you've got. You've got all these different hormone or thyroid issues, and they really freaked me out. And then when she was born, she was perfect, and they said, well, she's going to be very underweight. And I realized then that I was going to stop all the medication and just come out of that. And then I started working with infertile women.

3:40It's so rewarding. You'd come in and go, I can't get pregnant. and they'd always go back to say, what's going on in this scene? I'm 15, I think I'm, my dad will kill me. Oh my God, my mom will kill herself. You know, we're Muslims and I'm dating this white guy and oh my God, the shame, the terror. And the day they found out they're not pregnant, they go, thank you, Allah, I'm so happy I'm not pregnant. Now the mind is crystal clear, having a baby will kill you and not having a baby is something to celebrate. And when you repeat something to the mind enough, It just can't unravel that. When women say, I've got the curse every month, and oh, I hate this, and I wish I never had them, and then periods go away, they never kind of look at what's going on there.

4:25And so I found infertility really easy to fix. And then I had people with secondary infertility, which means you had a baby, you got pregnant like a high school girl on a date, immediately, but you've been trying for seven years to get pregnant again. Why does that not happen? Because you go home and say to your husband, imagine if you had a second one, oh, that would kill me. Oh, I'd leave you. If we had two keeping us up all night, and that would bankrupt us. Can you imagine what a night we would like to have another one? The mind goes, don't have another one. And of course you don't mean it.

4:57You don't mean it. We've got to quite cheerfully throw this kid out the window. The middle of the night, I could just give them away. We see all this crazy stuff, which we know is crazy, but the mind says, this is literal. This is real. You mean it. When you say, I'm dying under my paperwork, the mind goes, no more paperwork for you. When we say, I'll die if my next relationship ends. If I got hurt like this again, it would kill me. The mind goes, you know what? If it would kill you, why don't I just turn you into a complete bitch? You never have another relationship again, and then it can't kill you.

5:31Right. I mean, you'll never have love as well. No, no. Or men who go, you know, all women are ball breakers. They just want your money. I'm done with women. I couldn't go through that again. and it would kill me if I had to lose half my property again. The mind goes, that's my job. You see, we think our mind's job is to make us happy. It really isn't. It's to make us survive against what were once really pretty bad odds. And how we survive is every time we say something, that would kill me, I'd die if that happened. The mind goes on red alert to stop it happening. But we tell ourselves all this crazy stuff and then wonder why we feel so crazy.

6:07when all we have to do is tell ourselves better stuff. My mom will kill me if I get my shoes dirty. My dad will kill me if I don't get all A's. My dad will go crazy if I come home with a bad report card, which is not true. But if you believe that, then you create a world of stress. All because of what you say to yourself and tell yourself. But that's actually very good news, because since you say it, you can say something better. Yeah, always.

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