Relationship Scientist REVEALS 3 CLEAR SIGNS He'll CHEAT (Don’t Miss THIS RED FLAG!) | Macken Murphy EP 560

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:12What's your thoughts on jealousy? Do you feel like jealousy and insecurity is a sign that someone loves you? Or is it a toxic, unhealthy trait? A lot of people do seem to find some degree of jealousy sexy, right? Just because it's like, oh, this person really cares about me. Like they really care what I'm doing. Do they really care about you or are they more insecure about themselves? My feelings on jealousy is that it's a naturally evolved human emotion, right? It's one of the many pieces of evidence that we are a, let's say, a serially monogamous ape. And I'm not alone in thinking that, by the way, you know, Helen Fisher wrote a very good book on this.

0:47And there are plenty of academics who agree with me. I also know that there are plenty of academics who disagree. But humans have a evolved psychological adaptation to feel jealous when they see threats to their partner's fidelity. so it's like if you see a super hot guy talking to your fiance that might be like would it be protective or something yeah you're like this is this isn't ideal right right right and same and same for her you know you go to an event and you know a bunch of girls want your autograph or whatever um she might be you know and she seems like a very secure person as well but she might be internally be like this is not this is not the ideal situation right and that is that is a evolved psychological adaptation to in your case protect paternity and in her case protect investment.

1:29A lot of people don't understand the evolution, like the evolutionary psychology of men's jealousy is very clear. It's a clear story. If someone else is sleeping with your girlfriend, you might end up raising a kid that's not yours, right? So that's a pretty clear narrative. So you want to protect that. Yeah. It's like, oh, I don't want that to happen. So jealousy is natural. On the woman's side, right? In most cases, there is no chance that he is going to be pregnant, right? So she's not too worried about that. But what she is worried about is that if you're out, you know, sleeping with other women, maybe you end up raising those kids, taking care of her taking care of those kids and then she's left alone with a baby and nobody and nobody around so both sexes have strong reasons to feel jealous and those have deep roots in our evolutionary biology you're in a relationship do you feel jealous ever yes you're what 26 27 yeah i'm 40 almost 41 yeah i would say every relationship i was in from 16 to 35 i was jealous so i'm gonna grow out of it at different levels i'm not saying you're to grow out of it it was one of the hardest things for me to actually overcome.

2:28Now I'm just going to speak from personal experience. I don't know if this backs any data or research or science that you've seen, but what I do know is being jealous was a horrible thing to feel. It never felt good for me. I never felt empowered and excited by it. It caused more stress and anxiety. And it probably had me saying things that I shouldn't have said in my relationships, acting in certain ways I and I've acted in nothing horrible, but nothing benefiting me. There was no benefit ever in the relationship for me being jealous. Now, you might be able to say, well, you know, having a little bit of jealousy and saying, oh, who was that guy and showing that you care that they were talking to someone else.

3:10Maybe there's some slight benefit for that. But just like you said, like, you know, someone in a boxing match who's like outmatched and know they're going to lose, that builds and you start throwing haymakers later. That is not a fun picture in a relationship. Sometimes hard to give back. Yeah. And I'm not a terribly jealous person. I'm just acknowledging that I have that emotion. You have jealousy. I have that emotion. Of course. Like everybody. I get it. To an extent. So the jealousy that I felt never added any benefit to the relationship. And it only made me feeling more insecure and anxious.

3:42There was a time when I was about 34, 35, 36, in that time where I noticed the jealousy started to leave my body. Like I stopped being jealous if this person was going to be with someone else. There was something that flipped inside of me. I was in another relationship after that where I had zero jealousy that I can think of. Maybe there was moments, but it didn't come out as like jealous acts. and I remember thinking to myself, something switched inside of me. I don't know if it was the time, the season of life, the experiences of different relationships I'd been in, the agony and pain that I felt by having jealousy in 20 years of my life before that.

4:22But something flipped and I just said, if this person doesn't want to be with me, what's the point of me being jealous or insecure? If they're going to move on and leave, it's probably going to be painful in the moment, but it's going to benefit me in the long term. So I just got to a point, you know, in my relationship with Martha now, when I started dating her, she's a very famous celebrity in her country and done 40 movies. And she's got tons of men who have lots of money, who are, you know, sexy, charming, who have big businesses, who are celebrities that were reaching out to her before me.

4:54And I'm sure some still reach out now. She doesn't engage in that. But if she didn't want to be with me, it would be the greatest gift that she would give me by moving on quicker than staying with me longer and then cheating on me or ending it later. And so I'm like, if you want to be with me, it's because you're committed to the vision of our relationship and what we can build together. Now, that doesn't mean I just get to be a sloppy human being and stop caring about her and stop investing in time and communicating and loving her. and speaking life and abundance into her. So I'm constantly developing self as a man and as a human being to build confidence, to be my word to myself, to add value to society, to be desirable to myself, but also to her.

5:44And if that's not enough for her, then we shouldn't be together. And so the jealousy thing just doesn't add value to the relationship from my experience.

5:58Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation. And I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on The School of Greatness. And if you are loving The Daily Motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

6:48Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.