Shocking Red Flags in Relationships and the Secret to LASTING LOVE! | Faith Jenkins EP 719

0:00My name is Lewis Howes. Thanks so much for being here. I want to remind you about the Summit of Greatness, our annual conference happening this September in Los Angeles. With David Goggins, Dr. Joe Dispenza, and many more incredible speakers and performers, there will be so many live attendees there that you can meet with, you can network with, and you can help transform your life. I can't wait to see you at the Summit of Greatness here in Los Angeles.

0:28Hi, my name is Lewis Howes, and welcome to The Daily Motivation Show.

0:38You know, a lot of people talk about the big red flags. Like, okay, he or she is cheating, lying, out of integrity, whatever. In another relationship on the side, like these big red flags. What about the subtle red flags that you, maybe you saw over time, but you didn't take action on, and you realized, oh, that was actually a much bigger flag than, but it was subtle. Like, I let it kind of slip. What are those subtle butterflies that people should be looking out for? If you tell me you're a vegan. And you eat meat. And I see you on Snapchat, you need some wings. You may think that's a small lie.

1:16Interesting. But what does it say about that person? It's saying that for some reason they feel that they need to, they can't be their true selves with you. Interesting. They're trying to project someone who they think may impress you and it's not really who they are. so when you see those subtle things that you don't understand well why didn't this person just be true and honest with me about this this was a small thing how do you think they're going to handle the big things so I actually look at those little things what kind of digital footprint are people leaving online on their social media what do they think is funny I remember once someone wanted to set me up on a blind date with an actor here in LA.

2:10And I looked at him, he was, I'm sure he had no shortage of women lining up to date him. And he'd reached out to a person who was a, he knew was a mutual friend and said, you know, I'd like to meet faith would you set me up with her well I went and looked on his social media

2:32and he had a joke that he put on his social media that I thought was really crude and that I didn't think was funny but he thought it was funny but in that moment I said I'm not going to go out on a date with him yeah some people may think wow you didn't even give him a chance you And even again, I know myself now. I know myself and I know that when I date somebody, even what they put out publicly on their social media, that's a reflection of me. That's a reflection of our relationship. That's a reflection of all those things. You may think that joke was small, but to me, it represented a bigger picture of what I thought would be incompatibility.

3:10How important is compatibility versus connection and chemistry of the three? connection, chemistry, and compatibility, which one is most important in your mind? You need all three. When I think about compatibility, I think about not just making a decision about where you are now in your life. Because over time, when you get into a relationship, as time goes on, people are going to change. When you lose a job or you get a new job, you have children, you don't have children, you go through certain stressful situations with your family, your health, all of these things in life, they continue to change us and shape us into who we are.

3:59So when I think about compatibility, I think about a person who is committed to a certain level of growth. You are not just going together in the future, you are growing together. So that love has to be about being committed to the same commitment and a certain level of growth. When someone wants to continue growing and developing himself and the other person doesn't want to, what happens in a relationship or a marriage when they're different there? It's easy to fall in love, I think. I think it takes work to stay there. And so one example, I had a couple come into divorce court and the wife said, you know, initially our marriage was great, like most marriages.

4:49But over time, he started saying things to me that would really hurt my feelings. I gained weight. I gained 15, 20 pounds over the last couple of years. And he would comment on my weight. and we were initially committed to just building each other up. And even when we had criticism to share with each other, we were always constructive and we always thought, how can I say this in the most loving way? And so she said she continued to grow in that area, but he didn't. And I turned to him and I said, so what happened? He said, well, I'm just speaking the truth. I said, would you ever say to a stranger the things that you're saying to your wife?

5:28This is supposed to be your best friend. He worked in a restaurant. I said, would you ever say those things to a patron in your restaurant? The things that you're saying to your wife? He said, I don't believe in divorce. We're Christians. We don't get divorced. I say, really? What does God say about love? You're a Christian. What does God say about love? Love is kind. Love is patient. Love is patient. Love doesn't envy. Love certainly doesn't try to tear the other person down. So the commitment to that growth, it really shows up in the long term, in the longevity of the relationship. And if someone's not committed, again, you have to protect your peace.

6:11I would never advise staying in a relationship where you are being emotionally abused and disrespected. Because I'm going to tell you what happens. It breaks my heart to see people come in and they've been in these relationships for so long where they have been repeatedly dishonored. Yeah. You know why? Because over time. When people have been repeatedly disrespected and dishonored, it becomes normal to them. It becomes familiar, familiar. and they in turn start to think they've been dishonored so much that they are not indeed worthy of honor because they've been dishonored repeatedly. Pain will subside in time after you leave if you do the work, but it will always be there if you stay in that type of situation.

7:11Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on The School of Greatness. And if you are loving The Daily Motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple podcast right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel on Apple podcast right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

8:02Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.