SOG EP 1611 BONUS: How to LOVE Without Being Taken Advantage Of & Why TOXIC Relationships Can Feel SAFE! w/ Teddy Swims

0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

0:11You mentioned, you know, you get to, when you're on stage, you get to, I guess, unload your traumas and talk about all these insecurities or fears or love that you have in your heart at that moment. And you mentioned you used to hate yourself in some ways. What was the thing you used to hate about yourself the most? And when did you start to love yourself in a more full, authentic way? I think a lot of times in my life it was, I think from this place of, I don't want to blame it so much on religious situations, but I think some things growing up were just kind of like, it was meant to be modest unto yourself and hold things in and not letting anybody know what was going on.

0:53And if there was anything kind of going on in our family, we're also tight knit. So it's like, you just kind of like, you kind of have to look perfect as a pastor or something, you know, and, and those guys are also going through things. And sometimes they're not, there's, there's not people that they go to and just can say like, you know, I'm falling apart here or like, I'm struggling with thoughts of suicide or something, you know, there may be as a pastor going through that, you know, and it's like, and they can't talk about that openly with somebody or they can't talk about certain mental health situations that they got going on because they have to be the God is the answer.

1:24And I'm, my life is perfect because I'm so close to God. And, and it's, and it's just, it doesn't work like, and I think there's just a lot of things in my life that I kind of held in and kind of kept in and things that I was insecure about. Was it shame or was it insecurity or was it guilt? All of that stuff, you know, all of that stuff I think came in. And I mean, not, and I won't just blame it all on, on religious things, but I think it's, you know, also just, I think a lot of time too in my life I was always a I was always a big kid and so I I was struggled with weight a lot and what way I viewed myself and with eating habits a lot and the way I viewed myself and what was was eating to get through this or was was you know just handling situations certain ways and I had a big you know problem with that growing up and um it's just always also feeling I was just always sensitive little boy to everything to the heart me too man so everything was just so a personal attack you know and I think the moment that that really switched for me is uh right during the pandemic um right before sometime I think it's 2020 or so um so I got I got a chance Dominique Wilkins had hit me up on Instagram and basketball player yeah the hawk man he's one of my greatest friends I got to sing at his wedding like uh you know maybe a month or two ago wow that's cool he did he's the best guy ever he hit me on his Instagram was like I want you to come play at my birthday party so we actually coincidentally lives in conures too where i'm from and so we went over there and um we played it you know and he gave me this signed jersey and we we i've done a lot of stuff with him that's cool he's beautiful and uh he's like dude are you wrestling fan and it's like yeah of course i mean i got three brothers and he was wrestling fan right and uh he he said well diamond dallas page is coming through and diamond dallas page is like this is my hero and i was i mean still my hero and um so i met him and he didn't wait a bath and cocktails us and I was like hey man I was about 300 pounds at the time really and I told him I was like look man you know because he's doing the DDP yoga stuff right and he's like look man you know I really want to you know I'd like to try your stuff out or see if there's anything you can he's like well come over man come over come over to the house come do some yoga with me come like let's get together and he called me the next day and he's like look man I know we're we're drunk last night but I meant what I said if you want to come over come over tomorrow we'll start doing you can come my house every single day and we'll start talking i believe in you voice is amazing come on let's let's he said all you got to do man is get this six inch piece of real estate figured out and own that and we'll we'll figure it out wow that dude gave me so much and so much and still to this day calls me he's calls me if not every day hits me every day he calls me weekly and he's like we got to get weekly calls we got to get weekly calls stay on it he's talked about like this year he's like i want to come out for like four or five days on tour and just come sit with him and you know just make sure you're straight because and he helped me lose 65 pounds um based on your videos from four years ago I was like you look a lot leaner you look a lot healthier your skin looks better yeah and so there was a there was a time where I was at one moment um the biggest part of it was I was living in this house and I was kind of sinking and um this girl I was dating at the time she had a child and uh and I'd known him for a very long time for about like he was six at the time and most of his life I'd known him and his dad really wasn't around and uh if that was just kind of in and out his life and on drugs and stuff and I I know what that was like because my my my little brother's mom was the same way and I saw my dad struggle do that and I think I think I found something and I fell in love with that kid while we were dating and um you know she ended up kind of going back to her baby daddy and I really at the time was like I want to do whatever it takes to even if I got to get a full-time job and still pursue music I would do whatever it takes to to make sure that this kid's okay wow um I end up really falling in love with that kid we we still we still talk to this day I love that kid and uh and but um it it was when that kind of split and she just left to go back to this unsafe thing it really kind of put me down and at that same time that she left my roommates moved out I was like four months behind on rent my car had broken down the transmission went out on the way to work and I had to walk two miles of work and then they tell me that the place is closing down and so it was like everything at once just really just fell apart right and so I was really sinking and I called my dad at the time and I was like look man I uh I need to just come in and just if I could just throw my mattress on the floor I'd be stoked and it's like of course baby and that was coincidentally enough as wild as that was like right at the beginning of 2019 where we started working on the teddy swim stuff yeah and because we were working in logan bill right by my dad's house on this stuff and i think when everything is falling apart in your life that was like that that was just making room for everything to start building and and i find that life works so much like that too where there's just one gigantic loss for like something to i think it just kind of makes way for yeah good things and and now i try to change my perspective on that so much because of DDP, you know, you got to own that six inch piece of real estate.

6:25And he taught me so much about just like, look, man, you got to do small things. Like look into your eyeballs in the morning. Have you ever looked at yourself in the eyes in the mirror and said like, I love you. You're doing great, man. Don't, you know, just talk to yourself and tell yourself you're worth it. Tell yourself you're worth your love. And I felt like so long, I was, I was choosing relationships and I was getting stepped on by people because I I wanted to give people love and a chance to do something, but I was taking more than I should have. Maybe I was also trying to be some consistency for people that I never had or they didn't have.

6:58Maybe I was trying to do something unrealistic. I don't know. But I heard this one beautiful advice and a meet and greet not too long ago. This therapist was like, I'm a therapist and I'd like to give you a little word if I can. And she said, the way people treat you is a reflection of the way that they see you. The way you let people treat you is a reflection of how you see yourself. And it just like stuck with me and changed my life forever.

7:25Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation. And I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on the School of Greatness. And if you are loving the daily motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.

8:20Again, have an amazing day, and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.