In short
The Daily Motivation - Episode Summary: SOG EP 1615 BONUS
Podcast Overview
- Host: Lewis Howes
- Focus: Personal growth through self-reflection and storytelling
- Key Theme: The stories we tell ourselves shape our identities and actions.
Episode Overview
- Guest: Dr. Frank Anderson, a trauma specialist
- Main Topic: Releasing negative energy associated with trauma and the impact of parenting on personal growth.
Key Insights from Dr. Frank Anderson
- Conscious Parenting:
- Importance of awareness in parenting; recognizing how unresolved traumas influence parental behavior.
- Leveraging personal experiences to break intergenerational cycles of trauma.
- Personal Experiences:
- Dr. Anderson shares his struggles with repeating dysfunctional patterns from his upbringing while raising his children.
- He describes moments of panic and self-awareness when confronting his past behavior.
- Self-Reflection:
- Emphasizes the need for parents to do their own emotional work to avoid projecting their unresolved issues onto their children.
Critical Discussions
- Intergenerational Patterns:
- Many parents unconsciously replicate their own parents' behaviors, unintentionally passing down trauma.
- Dr. Anderson stresses that most parents have not done the necessary internal work to parent consciously.
- Awareness vs. Change:
- Awareness alone does not lead to behavioral change, especially regarding trauma.
- True change requires deeper emotional processing beyond mere acknowledgment of past experiences.
- Triggers and Responses:
- Discusses how intense emotional reactions (e.g., yelling at children) are often tied to unresolved trauma from one's past.
- Highlights the concept of being 'activated' by children's behavior, which can lead to a cycle of negative interactions.
Memorable Quotes
- “If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.” - Gabor Mate (paraphrased by Dr. Anderson)
- “I would rather be dead than perpetuate this.” - Dr. Anderson reflecting on his darkest moments when repeating negative patterns.
Conclusion
- The episode presents a powerful narrative on the significance of addressing one's trauma for effective parenting.
- Encourages listeners to consider their own behaviors and the impact of their past experiences on their current actions.
- Dr. Anderson's insights provide a foundation for personal growth through conscious parenting and self-awareness.
Call to Action
- Listeners are encouraged to explore the full episode for deeper insights into trauma and parenting.
- Further engagement through the Greatness newsletter and subscription options for exclusive content is highlighted.
Additional Information
- For more episodes and content, listeners are directed to the main podcast, "The School of Greatness," and encouraged to follow the podcast on various platforms.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.
0:11What can parents do to realize, okay, kids are going to be kids, and maybe it's not this perfect world every day where they're listening to me and quiet and patient. How can parents shift their energy to appreciate bringing life into the world as opposed to needing appreciation from a five-year-old? Right. Dr. Becky is somebody who I know. I don't know if you know. Yeah, I've had her on. I thought you've had her on. She's great. She's so good. She's a big IFS-aligned person too. Her parenting stuff is so solid. I love what she has to say. And a lot of it is parents often get activated about their kids' behavior because of their own stuff of their history.
0:55and my message is do your work so you don't say and i've said it do you know how much i've done for you i've said it i'm my parents said it and i used to say as a kid i used to say as a kid i didn't have to be born like that's what i would say to them when they would like shove this appreciation when i heard myself say it to my kids i'm like oh my god this is horrible like how painful to do what was done to yourself you know but when i look a little deeper like if i behaved the way my kids were behaving, entitled and not appreciative, I would have gotten beaten. So I want to stop their behavior so it doesn't activate my own.
1:36Stop doing this because it's too uncomfortable for me because it reminds me of my history. Do you see that? And so that's the cycle the parents are in that they're not aware of. So when you start doing this stuff to your kids and everybody does it unfortunately then it's like do your work I have done more healing in my life through my children than anybody else or any other therapist like they have brought this stuff to my attention you know I just started becoming my father in the negative ways in the negative the wounded ways the wounded ways and that was that was shot me into therapy for the third time is when I had kids and I started yelling at them and I was like I grew up with this the reason I had kids was to give them something else and here I'm doing it when my boys would fight I have two kind of rambunctious boys when they would fight I can remember feeling panic inside because if I yelled and screamed like that I would have gotten beaten so every time they fought my history showed up instead of like their voice come on guys let's behave treat just like when you're not activated by your history you're like hey you know what we don't throw toys if you're upset use your words like there's a way to react when you're not activated yes the anytime you lose it it's about your history when it's intense it's yours i think i I heard, maybe it's Gabor Mate that said, if it's hysterical, it's historical.
3:09That's exactly right. That's correct. And people don't know that. Because it's like, if you're seeing a situation, two kids running around and hitting each other, stealing something from it and screaming and yelling, and you're reactive, it's because you're triggered by an event that you haven't faced and processed fully yet. Correct. From your past. Correct. Otherwise, it would just be a neutral event. If it didn't happen to you, or if it didn't trigger you, you'd just say, hey guys, break this up, or what are we doing? It's like, let's get to your room. People don't know that, and people don't want, they're like, it frustrates me that there's so many parenting, there's so many books about kids' behavior.
3:50There's not many books about parents' behavior. Parents are like, these kids are blah, blah, blah, versus, oh, I've got work to do, unresolved. How many parents do you think in America repeat the patterns of their parents unconsciously and have not done the work to create new tools to parent from a conscious way? Most of us. Really? I'm sorry. Most of us. I did it. It drove me crazy to be a trauma expert. I teach this for a living. People pay me money and I still did it. Bro. And it's because awareness does nothing for change. Really? Awareness does nothing for change? It's not like that. Not when it's trauma.
4:35Not when it's trauma. Because it comes up inside of you and it takes you over. Right? I'm like, I do know better. I had so much self-loathing every time I lost it with my kids. Afterwards, like later that night, you're like, what am I doing? Yeah, that's... I'm out of integrity because I'm teaching one thing, but I'm doing the opposite. Oh, it's so painful. That's where I got suicidal in my life. Really? That's the only times I got suicidal was when I did what was done to me. It was like, I would rather be dead than perpetuate this. I swear, it was so painful. I'm like, and I couldn't help people all day long because my history wasn't being activated.
5:17And then yet I saw myself doing it. It was crazy.
5:30Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on The School of Greatness. And if you are loving The Daily Motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple podcast right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel on Apple podcast right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world-class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.
6:20Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.
From the publisher
Have you listened to the FULL EPISODE yet?
In a riveting interview, Dr. Frank Anderson delivered a powerful message about conscious parenting and addressing our own unresolved traumas. He candidly shared how his own childhood experiences resurfaced when parenting his children, driving him to the brink of suicidal thoughts as he grappled with repeating dysfunctional patterns. Dr. Anderson's vulnerability and insights shed light on the widespread issue of parents unconsciously mimicking unhealthy behaviors from their upbringing.
His impactful perspectives leave you eager to learn more about breaking intergenerational cycles and parenting from a place of awareness. Don't miss this must-listen episode that delves into one of the most crucial yet often overlooked aspects of personal growth.
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